This and That

First Christmas in Puebla

2011-12-27T13:26:00.000-07:00

We weren't sure what to expect our first Christmas in Puebla, but God blessed us with a very special experience with our friends Juan Carlos and Monica. We've spent a bit of time with our new friends in the last month and have enjoyed getting to know them.

Juan Carlos, Monica, Carlos and Alonso

Just about when we'd decided we'd be spending our first Christmas here alone (and without an oven! yikes.), Juan Carlos and Monica dropped by our house one night last week to invite us to eat Christmas dinner with them. We were thrilled (and not just because they were planning to have turkey...honest)! Christmas is about spending time with family and friends...with no family close, spending it with friends like Juan Carlos and Monica is just as special for us.

In Mexico, Christmas is celebrated on the 24th and Christmas dinner is usually eaten sometime during the evening, usually late. So we spent Saturday preparing the food for dinner that night...I made Venezuelan pan de jamón (ham bread) and Grandma Ople's Applie Pie (you can go here to see pictures of the process).

Pan de jamón

Monica and I with the pies.

Once the food was ready, we went to their church for a Christmas Eve service. It was kinda hard to leave all that yummy food behind for a while, but we consoled ourselves with a little snack and the anticipation of the feast to come.

Finally, we headed back home and it was time to eat! And being that we are in Mexico, of course we had to have some rajas (jalapeño strips, carrots and onion in vinegar sauce) to accompany our meal!

After supper, all the kids went out to light their giant sparklers, apparently also a Christmas tradition in Mexico. We bought ours at a stoplight on our way to church and saw many people selling them at each intersection we went through.

After a brisk round of Manzanas Con Manzanas (Apples to Apples in Spanish!), we came home...it was 1:30 a.m. by the time we got everyone to bed. Then Miguel and I had to finish wrapping presents and preparing the stockings, so it was even later (or was that earlier?) by the time we got to sleep.

Naturally, the kids were wide awake by 7 a.m. ready to open their presents! Miguel refused to come down until at least 8:30, however, so I retold the Christmas story while we waited. Finally, he came down and our gift-giving began. We like to open the presents slowly, taking our time to enjoy each gift and this year, we had each gift-giver say something meaningful to the gift-receiver. At first it was a bit awkward for the kids, but by the end, they were enjoying it!

The kids with their stockings.

I made the kids some pillows...they loved them!

Miguel gave me a new cooking pot and I gave him some headphones, which he started using right away!

Love those Razorback pjs, Miguel!

We tried to go to church on Sunday, but didn't last very long since the kids were falling asleep in their seats...so we came on home and rested for most of the afternoon. Then we went back to Juan Carlos and Monica's house and had round two with the leftovers!

God is good to give us what we desire...fun and fellowship during our first Christmas here in Puebla.

Your Heart

2011-12-18T11:57:00.000-07:00

We love stories, especially Bible stories...and we love to share Bible truths through stories as we live and work with people who have more of a oral/story-telling background. So we were pretty excited to discover this album that has recently been produced about Bible characters. We quickly made an playlist on Youtube of these songs so that we can listen to them over and over again. They have all touched our hearts, but we particularly like the song about King David. I have noticed that more often than not, we will skip other songs to listen to Your Heart before moving on the other songs on the list.

Interestingly, we just finished telling David's story to the kids and in the telling, I think we learned just as much as the kids. The Bible is neat in the way that it teaches truth on so many levels and reaches everyone who hears.

I've been thinking about the words of this song...particularly the words "When the world looks at me I pray all they see is that my heart looks like Your heart".

And isn't that what the walk is all about, a daily refining and maturing so that our heart begins to look more and more like the heart of Christ? God said that David was a man after God's own heart, and while it is true that David's heart had a special relationship with God from his youth, he still had to face a refining process in his life just like the rest of us (see Psalm 51).

Refinement of the heart isn't a very easy or glamorous process...sometimes it can just be downright painful and messy. At times it isn't easy to own my defects and then accept the what or the who that God uses in my life to refine and forge my heart into one that looks more like His.

I've been reading a book titled On Being a Missionary, written by Thomas Hale who spent many years as a missionary himself in the country of Nepal. This book has really spoken to me...it's funny yet full of practical advice and has often taken me back to reflect on my mission experiences, both growing up as an MK and serving as an AMK (Adult Missionary Kid). One paragraph really stuck out to me the other day...

"As someone has said, a missionary's pilgrimage doesn't end when he gets to the field; it simply gets bumpier. That's when he discovers new weaknesses, new temptations, new sins. These are at the root of most of the emotional struggle and pain we experience as new missionaries. We learn much about ourselves when we arrive on the mission field. Some of our flaws and weaknesses may never have been revealed before in the security of our home country. But now they are. Our defects are exposed. Because of them we sustain wounds. These, in a sense, can be considered battle wounds. As these wounds are healed, the scars remain. They will be signs that we've been fighting on the front lines. They will be scars we can wear without shame."

Looking back on our missionary career, I can see how God has used many things in my life so far in order to bring my weaknesses to light...and all too often I'm tempted to feel some shame about some of the circumstances surrounding my times of refinement. Perhaps attitudes on my part that weren't quite as godly as they should have been or words that should have remained unspoken. It's easy to look back and see what I should have done and how I could have responded and much harder to simply trust God with who I was and what I did during those times. Because it all boils down to trusting God in all things, doesn't it?

I do carry scars from past experiences and wounds that will become scars in time...I hadn't thought to view them as battle scars before, but I think he's right. In other circumstances, I don't think some of those defects might have been brought to light. Not that I become proud of these scars by any means, frankly it takes humility to become open and vulnerable enough to expose scars and to admit flaws and weaknesses; in short, it's hard to take off the mask and display anything less than perfection. But through humility, I can accept the fact that the scars exist and choose to acknowledge the defects that remain in my heart and life, accepting from God's hand the ways (the whats and the whos) that He has chosen to bring out and work on my weaknesses.

Humility has and will allow me to come to the place of thanking God for those hurtful trials and conflicts because those were times of refinement and maturing that were necessary for making my heart look more more like His. In the same way, humility will also allow me to respect the battle scars of friends, colleagues and coworkers and relating with compassion as God works to refine their hearts as well.

The cry of my heart today...When the world looks at me I pray all they see is that my heart looks like Your heart.

Giving Thanks

2011-11-24T21:35:00.000-07:00

This hasn't been the greatest of weeks...come to think of it, hasn't been the greatest of months, to be honest with you. The kids were sick towards the beginning of November with a stomach flu and then we had just a few healthy days before they got sick again with a respiratory infection/tonsilitis. In the middle of that, Micah fell in the street at a friends' house and partially dislocated one of the bones in his arm at the wrist...we are very thankful that it didn't fracture, as it could have been a lot more serious than a minor dislocation. However, he has had to keep a splint on his arm and had to quit soccer practice and I miss my noon-time dish-washer!

As if that weren't enough, over the weekend I realized that I had a UTI that was already affecting my kidneys a little and spent most of Sunday and Monday in bed guzzling gallons of water and juice and natural remedies in an effort to avoid taking antibiotics. By Tuesday, I was feeling much better but still not over it and I had to face the fact that I wasn't really able to plan well for Thanksgiving. I normally would have baked some pies and cornbread dressing and perhaps a chicken or two, but not having an oven kind of put a damper on those ideas.

Wednesday found me feeling stressed and feeling...something, but I wasn't really sure. And then it hit me, I felt sad! My first instinct was to shut it down (old habits die hard...), but then I realized that I needed to give myself permission to be sad and I let myself grieve. I think the depth of my grief surprised me because I hadn't sensed it before. I grieved being so far away from family and friends on a holiday that really is all about sharing a special meal with family and friends...I also grieved not being able to provide my family with traditional favorites that we usually try to enjoy even if we're overseas. I would have loved to have shared a meal with some of our new friends here, but grieved not being able to invite someone and then provide them with traditional Thanksgiving fare either.

I pretty much concluded this Thanksgiving was going to be an epic fail and cried myself to sleep last night. Some of the last words that went through my mind as I drifted off to sleep were "Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning" (Psalm 30:5b) and oh how I hoped that joy would come in the morning!

It didn't feel like much joy had come in the morning, however, and I found my stress levels rising as I dragged myself out of bed late, prepared breakfast, dealt with our puppy who has been less than cooperative this week, and got the family up and around for the day...I found myself easily irritated and raising my tone of voice to the kids and then Miguel about things I could have communicated to him much more calmly and concisely.

Stressing about the puppy's behavior, I began remembering what I've been learning about puppy training, how dogs can pick up on our emotions and anger/impatience/stress is perceived by dogs as weakness and then they can lose respect for their owners and begin reacting to the 'negative energy' instead of learning how to follow a confident, firm leader. The articles I've read advise dog owners to visualize the desired positive behavior instead of focusing on the negative behavior the dog is showing so that their pet won't pick up on those negative emotions and react accordingly. How it's important to relax and enjoy the interactions with the dog so that trust and confidence can be built into the relationship.

Ironically, it was those puppy training techniques that got me...I began to feel convicted about the way I often interact with my family, allowing my emotions to run amuck...I began to see how that often my 'negative energy' spills over onto everyone else (puppy included). How I tend to maximize the negative and minimize the positive and so I tend to see my kids as bundles of failures instead of accepting them just as they are in all their potential...how I am often not relaxed enough to just enjoy my kids or my husband. How trust and confidence struggle to grow in an environment like that. I began to realize that something about me needs to change...a lot of change has happened in the last few years, but this is God taking it down another level...

I apologized for my behavior and that's when it happened, peace and joy returned. Control established, relaxed and peaceful, and with renewed energy I was able to move on into my day with a new confidence that everything was going to be okay. Things aren't perfect, but they are good and this was going to be a good day.

And it really was. Puppy cooperated (for the most part...) and the kids and I worked on our new family tradition, a Thanksgiving tree, while Miguel was out shopping for lunch. Then we gave thanks for home-made mashed potatoes and a roasted chicken and a cheesecake-type pie and we were more than satisfied.

And while giving thanks, our thankfulness 'grew'.

Counting blessings is a blessing in and of itself because there are so many to count.

So there it is, our first Thanksgiving in Puebla.

Cooking Class

2011-11-16T17:02:00.000-07:00

A couple of weeks ago a friend from church invited me to a cooking class she attends at a local DIF (stands for Desarrollo Integral de la Familia, translation 'Integral Development of the Family'). Local DIFs offer many kinds of classes and services, from cooking to hair-styling to crafts to sports. Classes are sometimes free, although the cooking classes cost a little to help offset the expenses. Each class costs 25 pesos, or about 2$ US.

These classes are offered several times a day every day of the week except Sunday, but my friends only go on Wednesday nights. While the ladies are at the class, the guys usually take all the kids over to the park to ride their bicycles and then everyone eats supper together afterwards.

I decided to go since the ladies are learning to make traditional Christmas dishes and also because it's a good chance to hang out with friends. I was also curious about the class and figured it would be a great cultural experience! Since it was somewhat a last-minute invite, I didn't have any ingredients to make anything that day, so I just watched and took pictures.

One of my friends made a carrot cake, but I was more interested in my other friend who made cochinita pibil, a traditional Mexican slow-roasted pork dish. We love cochinita pibil and I was pretty excited to see it made.

Some of the ingredients for cochinita pibil: oranges,

lemons, peppercorns, red onions, dried chiles, habanero peppers,

achiote paste (red annatto seeds mixed with

vinegar, salt, garlic and spices)

First of all, the cook helped select the right banana leaves to wrap the pork in while it was roasting in the oven. They put the pork pieces in the oven to bake for about 1/2 an hour before adding the sauce.

Then the dried chiles were de-seeded, soaked in water, warmed and then blended together with some orange juice, the achiote paste and the peppercorns. Salt, garlic and chicken bullion can be added, too. Once the sauce was ready, they pulled the pork out of the oven and poured the sauce over the pork and baked for another hour or so.

In the meantime, she prepared the topping to eat with the cochinita pibil...grated carrot, sliced red onions, sliced habanero peppers (yes, it was SPICY!!!) along with lemon and orange juice. She didn't happen to have another dish handy, so she improvised and used this baking dish. I thought it looked pretty cool...

When the pork was finally done, we tasted a bit before heading home...the end result was absolutely delicious! Cochinita pibil is traditionally shredded and then served inside of corn tortillas and topped with the carrot/onion mixture.

For an actual recipe and more complete instructions on how to make cochinita pibil, check out this page! It has a few differences from the process I observed, but is probably more complete and therefore more yummy. :) I don't have an oven or I would have tried this recipe at home already!

Unfortunately, I wasn't able to go to cooking class last week and my friend couldn't go this week, but I am looking forward to learning how to make something interesting next week!

For my Missionary Mama Friends-Giveaway

2011-11-11T11:44:00.000-07:00

Just saw this awesome giveaway idea over at Mrs JohninGhana for missionary women...go check it out!

http://johninghana.blogspot.com/2011/11/youve-got-mail-super-special-giveaway.html

If I were to get a package from the U.S. I think I'd ask for Starbucks coffee, whole bean (we do have Starbucks here, but it's a bit pricey), maybe some candles, scrapbook materials (paper, stamps, punches, etc) and definitely some chocolate chips or other candy (like Dove dark chocolate...mmmm!).

The Days of the Dead

2011-11-02T18:39:00.000-07:00

I've always been a little confused about what exactly is the Día de los Muertos (Day of the Dead) here in Mexico and I assumed that it had something to do with the American celebration of Halloween. I have learned a little bit more about this celebration, however, and have found out that the origin of Halloween is really All Hallows' Eve. All Hallows' Eve is the night before All Saints' Day, which falls on November 1st. And November 2nd is All Souls' Day.

So while Halloween kind of has something to do with the Día de los Muertos, the American celebration of Halloween that I am familiar with and the Mexican celebration of the Día de los Muertos is a lot different (Mexicans do still participate in Halloween-like activities, such as dressing up in costumes and trick-or-treating...yesterday I saw a little boy in a fringed cowboy costume made completely out of newspaper!). Obviously, there is an entire history behind these celebrations and the customs will vary from place to place, but this year we have been doing our own culture study on this celebration and are learning from our neighbors and other sources here about their beliefs regarding the Día de los Muertos.

What we have learned is that these are days when families remember and honor their dead loved ones and it is traditionally a time to visit and decorate their graves. While this reminds me of Memorial Day in the U.S., there is a lot more involved with the Día de los Muertos than merely remembering loved ones.

A Triqui woman pouring Coca-Cola on the grave

of a loved one, Baja California.

It is believed that once a year, the ánimas (souls) of dead loved ones come back from the dead to visit their relatives. The souls of children and unmarried young people are believed to come on All Saints' Day and the souls of adults or married people are believed to come on All Souls' Day. Ofrendas (offerings) are made on sometimes elaborate altars in homes or cemeteries to honor and receive the souls. Candles are burned as it is believed that their light will guide the souls to the altars. Brightly colored flowers with strong smells, such as marigolds are commonly used to also guide the souls to the offerings. Incense, such as copal (tree resin incense) is also burned by some.

A trail of flower petals leading into a house.

A trail of flower petals leading to an ofrenda at a school.

Many different foods or other things can be included in the offering, such as pan de muerto (literally, the bread of the dead), whiskey and other drinks, tamales, cigarettes, mole (a traditional chile and chocolate dish), sugar skulls, toys and candy (for the younger souls), sugarcane, fruit and other items that may have been favorites of the dead loved ones.

Pan de muerto, topped with bone-like decorations.

While the Día de los Muertos isn't necessarily a state holiday, we have observed that the 1st and 2nd day of November are días festivos (festive days) and that schools are closed on November 2nd. Many of our friends who are followers of Christ do not send their children to school around this time of year in order to avoid having their children participate in the celebrations they view as demonic and pagan.

The sign on the gate of the preschool next door to our house says:

"Homework for everyone: bring a written skeleton for

Monday and fruit for the offering. Thank you."

An ofrenda at a town government office.

Another example of an ofrenda set up at a police station.

There is a sign on this ofrenda that says,

"Please don't take anything off of the offering."

An ofrenda set up inside a Catholic church.

Traditionally, on November 3rd families have parties where the offerings are eaten in honor of their dead loved ones. It is believed that the essence or aromas and the colors of the food and flowers are 'eaten' or used by the dead and some would say that the food that is left has no nutritional value.

I'm sure that there is a lot more to learn about the Día de los Muertos, but this has been an interesting glimpse into these traditions here in Puebla.

Weekend at Camp

2011-11-02T13:37:00.000-07:00

Miguel and Micah are back from their weekend at camp...I thought they would be home on Monday, but camp went one day longer than we thought, so they got home yesterday afternoon. The camp they went to was in the northern part of the state of Puebla, about four hours away from here, and it was for Totonac young people from the states of Puebla and Veracruz. The part of the sierra (mountains) where they were was lush and green...cool at night and warmish during the day.

Miguel helped with various things, including setting up, washing pots and pans and packing up when camp was over.

He was also able to hang out with the kids during their activities. Miguel said he had several opportunities to talk with the young people and their leaders about various things, such as discipleship, issues they are facing and community life in their churches.

Micah had a pretty good time, although he got sick with tonsilitis on Friday night and had to go see a local doctor for some medicine. There were several children his age there, so he made a few friends as well.

I am very glad that Miguel and Micah were able to take this opportunity to serve at this camp and to build some relationships there in the sierra. It's good to have them back, though! It is also always interesting to see what Miguel brings back for me on his trips (besides the piles of dirty laundry)...

house plants...the one on the right is a coffee bush!

Café Tierras Altas (Coffee from High Lands)...

a few interesting rocks...

sugarcane...

and I am so glad that he brought me back my son!

Spiritual Survival

2011-10-30T20:39:00.000-07:00

I began reading a book this weekend called Spiritual Survival Handbook for Cross-Cultural Workers written by Dr. Robert S. Miller. It's really good. It's not a very long book, but there is a lot of wisdom in these pages. I don't think that just cross-cultural workers would benefit from this book, however, I think that anyone who desires a closer walk with God would be blessed and encouraged by what Dr. Miller has to share.

From the table of contents, the chapter titles are as follows:

Know Your God
Know Yourself
Know Your Enemy
Know the Terrain
Know Your Boundaries
Know How to Lead
Know Your Mission

Epilogue: Remember the Joy of the Lord

So far, I've read into chapter two, but am finding myself reading too fast and I want to slow down to really soak in what I'm learning. I've been thinking about some things that I read in chapter 1, Know Your God.

"So much of what I've learned about survival in ministry is based on the following statement, "Inward before outward; secret before public." You must win the battle within your own person if you are to survive in ministry."

Let the river flow into your heart

"There is a river that proceeds from fellowship with the Spirit, a river that waters your thirsty life. The flow of this river is dependent upon your heart's posture before the Lord. A subtle shift will cause the flow to pause or even stop. Without that life-giving river, your heart will become a desert."

"There are times when we attempt to minister apart from this flow. Such a condition is so prevalent that we can become accustomed to it and think it is normal. After all, no one is perfect; we're all human. But the sobering truth is that a missionary that is evangelizing, discipling or church planting apart from abiding in the Spirit may as well be playing the role of a missionary in a Hollywood film. We cannot give what we do not have. Without the living water, there is no living, vital ministry."

"How long does it take for a heart to become an arid desert? Not years and not even months. Guard your heart daily."

I've been pondering these words all day...it is so easy for my heart to become that desert and I've even lived there at times. But now that I have experienced more and more what it means to have that flow of living water in my heart, I don't want to go back to the desert.

This topic reminded me of a study I did recently in Jeremiah 17. Most of us are familiar with verses 7 and 8...

But blessed is the one who trusts in the LORD,

whose confidence is in him.

They will be like a tree planted by the water

that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes;
its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought

and never fails to bear fruit.

But I hadn't really paid much attention to the previous contrasting verses of 5 and 6 until recently...

This is what the LORD says:

Cursed is the one who trusts in man,

who draws strength from mere flesh

and whose heart turns away from the LORD.

That person will be like a bush in the wastelands;

they will not see prosperity when it comes.

They will dwell in the parched places of the desert,

in a salt land where no one lives.

The context of these verses is Judah's sin (Jer. 17:1). Jeremiah 2:13 says,

My people have committed two sins:

They have forsaken me,

the spring of living water,

and have dug their own cisterns,

broken cisterns that cannot hold water.

The specifics of Judah's and Israel's sin was idolatry and trusting in other nations, pagan nations, to protect them from enemies instead of trusting in God to defend them. The Israelites even asked Egypt of all countries for help. Egypt, the very country that had enslaved the Israelites for generations! Seriously?!

Hadn't God shown Himself to be trustworthy to His people in the past? Hadn't He shown them time after time that He could deal with anything man could bring against the Israelites? Scriptures are full of stories about God miraculously intervening on behalf of His people and they still turned back to worshiping idols and trusting in man.

I find it fascinating to see how God describes this sin...forsaking the spring of living water and digging cisterns that could not possibly satisfy their thirst.

It's easy to sit back and judge the Israelites for abandoning God, but isn't that just what I do? Trusting in my own strength to get through a tough day or maybe many tough days...thinking that I am strong enough to handle what life brings my way. Finding other ways to solve my problems without taking them to God first. Letting days go by without really spending time seeking God...letting my heart become dry and dusty, like a bush living in a wasteland. Trying to give to others what I do not have for myself...failing in the secret places while pretending to succeed in public.

It's shameful how easy it is for me to forsake my God.

But there is grace...grace that will never fail to renew my heart and bring refreshing rivers of living water back to my soul.

So these are great reminders about where my spiritual priority should be..."The river of fellowship with your Lord and Savior is the key to your life and your ministry; everything else takes second place....I must spend time with Him. Not just five or ten minutes. I must linger with Him. I need the living water. I need to know Him and to be known by Him. If I forgo this priority-one appointment, my heart will become a desert and I will die."

Treats From Grammy and Other News

2011-10-29T12:07:00.000-06:00

It is always fun to receive packages and stuff from back home when there is a chance to send things with people traveling, so this week when our missions pastor and two other ladies from our home church came for the meetings we had, it was a great opportunity for us to get some care packages. Most of what we got was our own stuff, two suitcases and one duffelbag's worth of stuff we'd left behind for someone to bring when there was a chance. I asked a friend to buy me a few things, a couple pairs of new jeans for me, some scrapbook paper, a microscope for Micah's birthday (shhhh! don't tell!) and some other little things. Miguel asked for some special theft-deterrent lug nuts for the van tires and a bicycle pump. My mom was also able to send a few things, including a small suitcase with my sewing machine (that I really didn't expect to get until next year sometime!), a few things we'd left behind at her house and some candy corn!

So even though none of what we got was particularly a surprise, it was still pretty exciting and felt a bit like Christmas! (Now I am thinking about the group coming from Arkansas next week and thinking I should ask them to bring some peanut butter...LOL!) One of the things I was most excited to see was the rest of my shoes...I have been living with just four pairs of shoes since August and that was getting old.

The other thing that really made my day was finding the blade attachment and blending cup for my hand blender! We thought we'd lost it on the road somewhere since we had the rest of it, but those two pieces were nowhere to be found. Come to find out, Miguel had packed them in one of these suitcases to come later...and then forgot all about it. So now all the pieces are back together and I am happy.

And God really showed up in a huge way this week during all of our meetings...it was just an amazing time of fellowship and planning, I continue to be so excited and thankful to be a part of what God is doing here. It was such a blessing to see a diverse group of people come together in humility and of one heart, seeking only God's will for the future of this ministry. And we continue to be blessed, encouraged and empowered by a leadership whose desire is to serve us by participating together with us in all of these decisions and not just tell us what to do and how to do it. I just can't tell you how much of a blessing that is! Our missions pastor even commented on this, mentioning how impressed he has been this week with the quality of leadership that he sees in Tim and Andres...that is a huge confirmation that we are in the right place!

There was a bit of unwanted excitement this week, however, when Jojo got lost in the park! Losing a child is never a fun thing, but we're so thankful for God's protection of Jojo...it was quite obvious that He was taking care of our son. Selene, a friend of ours, and her two daughters were taking care of the kids for us on Thursday. I had gone to pick them up around 1 p.m. but they weren't at home. Since I knew that they didn't have a car, I figured that they had walked to a park or somewhere in the neighborhood. I sat and waited for a while, but then the thought occurred to me to try to find a pay phone and give Selene a call on her cell phone. I drove down the street and asked a shop owner where I could find a phone, and he told me that there was a pay phone that accepted coins right across from his store. I talked to Selene and she said they were in the park and I understood that I would go down to the main entrance and pick them up. So I drove the five blocks or so to the park and began looking for them there. I spotted them a ways off, but it looked like they were leaving the park through another entrance and I wasn't able to catch up with them.

So I got back in the van and drove back up to wait for them at their house. As I was parking, I noticed Jojo up on the main street waiting to cross and assumed that the whole group was right behind him. Imagine my surprise when he told me he had come back from the park alone and that he didn't know where Selene and the rest of them were! I immediately drove back down to the pay phone to call Selene because I figured that she was probably frantic by that time and I was right, she was. It took them a while to get home, but when they did, Selene was so upset, she just broke down and cried for a long time at the thought of nearly having lost one of my children! I know that it was a very serious thing to almost have lost Jojo, but I think I was more affected by her emotions...I felt so sorry that she had to go through that experience. I know exactly what she was going through since we've been there, done that!

I think she was afraid that I would be upset with her, but I reassured her that I was not...I told her of the many other times we've 'lost' Jojo. The reality is that if any one of our kids is to get lost, it would be Jojo; it has always been that way. And I recounted to her the ways that God had worked...I had come to pick them up at just the right time, God showed me the pay phone (I don't usually use pay phones!) and if I had not come back from the park when I did, Jojo would not have known how to find their house...as he made his way back from the park, he didn't know where to go, but when he saw me drive by on the way back from the park, he followed me. And God protected Jojo from getting snatched by someone along the way.

So on top of fervently praising God for watching out for Jojo, we're now teaching all the kids our address and phone number in case that ever happens again! I also realized we need to reteach Survival Skills 101 (as in when you realize you have gotten separated from your group stay where you are until someone comes back for you or go find a policeman). Jojo told me that he thought that they had forgotten about him...as if that could ever happen, so he just took matters into his own hands! I have told him many times since, that we will never forget about him, ever...we might accidentally leave him somewhere, but we will always go back for him...

In other news, on Thursday night Miguel and Micah went up to the mountains in the northern part of the state to go to a camp for Totonac young people. What a great opportunity for Miguel to serve, to make contacts with others working with this people group, and to have some fun time with Micah! In the meantime, the rest of us have crashed here at home...it's been a long week with a lot of action, it's just nice to sit around and not have too much to do. They will be back on Monday, if all goes as planned.

I am quite proud of myself since I've done a lot of driving while Miguel has been gone...I took Tim and Andres out to a mall for supper on Thursday night and then yesterday I was able to take them to the bus station. I am able to find my way around now in various parts of the city with the help of our handy Guia Roji (literally, the Red Guide, a brand of road and city maps) and that feels good. Driving here is always an adventure, but so far so good...

So that's the news from this week...I am off to go indulge in some more coffee and a good book...

This Week

2011-10-24T18:12:00.000-06:00

We have a pretty full week coming up and we're excited! For one thing, our Area Leader from PI and another PI leader from Mexico are arriving tonight and will be meeting with us tomorrow and Wednesday just to chat and see how we are doing. We'll also be talking about our ministry vision and defining some things before we go into our 'big' meetings on Wednesday afternoon.

By that time, the missions pastor from our home church in Arkansas will be here (along with a bunch more of our stuff, we hope!) and will join us, the pastors from El Camino (our Puebla church) and Franco and Barby for strategy/planning meetings that we hope will further define our role in the ministry here.

There is a lot to cover in that short time, but we are praying that it will be a profitable time of talking things out, evaluating the current ministry and sharpening the vision for this work. We're excited to be a part of this ministry and we hope that God will continue to lead and guide us as we move forward.

Women's Retreat, October 2011

2011-10-12T20:22:00.000-06:00

I've been pondering on what to write for a few days now...not that I haven't wanted to, but honestly I've been so busy since I got back from the retreat that I have had very little time for anything else much but the basics! What happened is that Miguel hurt his back over the weekend and has spent about three days in bed, barely able to sit up in a chair for more than a few minutes at a time. PTL, he seems to be slowly recovering, but in the meantime, I have been running double duty! I've even ventured out to the pharmacy and to Walmart on my own in the van...somewhat nerve-wracking, but everything went okay...I'm glad I have a large vehicle that most other vehicles respect!

So anyway, the retreat...wow, what can I say? I believe that I witnessed God showing up in a pretty incredible way and I am so very humbled and grateful to have been a small part of that. For one thing, the other Becky (Becky B. we called her) and I got along famously, and like I said in my previous post, we have a lot in common...but then we found out that we have even more in common than we had thought! Which is really cool. Here we are at church on Sunday morning...Becky B. is a singer and graced us with some awesome worship times, both at the retreat and at church here in Puebla.

And what the two of shared and how it really complemented each other is a testimony to the work of the Holy Spirit, seeing as we did not communicate about our sessions beforehand! But I have to admit that as I listened to Becky B. during her two sessions, I was very thankful that I went first...she would have been a hard act to follow! She is an accomplished singer and speaker, very used to being in front of the microphone and her Spanish is simply amazing...she really is quite dynamic and had us laughing in many places, while at the same time thinking deeply about our relationship with God.

The craft session went well, but it was hard to teach 51 ladies how to make boxes all at the same time, so we allowed for another box-making session on Saturday and I think most of the ladies who wanted to learn was able to go home with at least one pretty box plus their model box. Here are some of the crafts I made from the boxes to show the ladies...including picture frames, Christmas tree ornaments and decorated gift boxes. The one little box I decorated with some tiny silk flowers and some scraps of ribbon. They all turned out pretty cute!

As far as my speaking session went, I decided to be very open and transparent in an effort to encourage others to also be more open and transparent. Speaking about roots, I took the ladies back to how our 'roots' are formed...exploring what the external influences are that are that form the 'soil' in which we grow in this life. Our family, our culture, our spiritual experiences, our life experiences, etc. are all external influences that form thoughts and beliefs about ourselves, others and God. These thoughts and beliefs about ourselves, others and God are hidden in the deepest places of our hearts and out of them come our emotions, our motives, our tendencies, our desires...and out of those emotions, motives, tendencies, desires, etc. come our fruit, the external evidence of what is in our hearts at both levels.

Oftentimes, however, those thoughts and beliefs have been formed subconsciously and we do not recognize what might be driving our hearts and therefore our fruit. The beauty of salvation is that God transplants us to a new soil, one that is firm and fertile for our new little spiritual life of a tree to grow. God wants to give us this new environment so that we'll have new thoughts about ourselves, others and God, and new fruit-the fruit of the Spirit...but what can happen sometimes? We continue to revert to and act on the old thoughts and beliefs about ourselves, others and God...thoughts and beliefs that don't line up with what God's Word says about us and as a result, our new little tree does not thrive and grow...we do not develop a strong spiritual root system.

In a nutshell, that's what happened to me...for most of my life, I have operated on thoughts and beliefs about myself, others and God that were damaging and hurtful to me. I did not see myself as having worth, as deserving of God's goodness...I did not ever feel as if I was enough or as if God were pleased with me on any given day. I had carried those beliefs deep down inside me, never realizing that those beliefs were blocking my spiritual life...my spiritual roots could not thrive and grow deep and strong because I was operating based on the wrong 'soil', not the truth of God's Word...I was not deeply rooted in Christ's love and the knowledge of His Word. It was as if my heart was like the seed that was thrown among the thorns...the seeds sprouted and grew, but the thorns (the worries of this life) grew up faster and higher and choked out the truth of God's Word.

I worked very hard at the upper heart level and the fruit level to see change in my life, but it left me empty and dry and weak because I was trusting in man, trusting in myself to somehow make myself better (Jeremiah 17:5-6). God brought me to the end of myself...a place where I had nowhere else to turn (why do some of us seem to need a harder knock on the head to see God? Take Paul, for example...not that I equate myself with Paul, but just that some of us seem to just have a harder time finding God), a place where I was led to look deeper down inside me to peer into the depths of my innermost thoughts and beliefs...what I found didn't really surprise me because I knew those hurts were there. What did surprise me is to find out just how much they had affected me without me realizing it. What I had done was to deny their effects on me...everybody say it with me, de-NI-al!...and we all know that denying that something doesn't exist doesn't make it go away (try denying gravity by jumping off the roof of your house sometime...it won't be pleasant...).

For me healing was about surrender and faith...recognizing the reality of those beliefs, surrendering them to God and believing by faith the truths from God's Word about who I am in Christ. Change didn't happen immediately, from one moment to the next, but as I clung to God's promises and made daily choices to believe, things started to happen and my roots began sinking deeply into the soil that God had prepared for me from the beginning of time as His blessed child. And just like Abraham, God counted my faith as righteousness (Check out Romans 4). Those negative, damaging thoughts and beliefs were changed to ones of love and peace and joy. And I didn't even have to work to produce it...they flowed out of a heart that was grateful for God's gift of new life in Christ.

One day I realized that my depression and insecurity were gone...I looked back and realized how far I had come...I realized that I was becoming more and more resilient as I tapped into a new source of strength and power, becoming more and more secure in my identity in Christ. There was no more working to please God, just resting in Christ knowing that I already please Him just by existing...He delights in me just because I am...because He made me...that I am enough in Him because He is enough in me...glory be to God! I had found my joy...the joy of the Lord is my strength...I found my life transformed into a tree planted by the water, sending out my roots to the stream...bearing fruit and having no fear of the drought or the heat (Jeremiah 17:7-8).

So that's pretty much a summary of what I shared, although with more details about some of my life experiences, some of which I've share on this blog...as I shared, I was pleased to notice that I wasn't that nervous (this from someone who used to have trouble even looking people in the eyes out of a sense of insecurity and shame!) and in fact, I rather enjoyed myself. It felt like I was stepping into a place where I was using my gifts and abilities and while I'm sure there were things I could have done better (this was pretty much my first time sharing at a retreat/conference, so I'm sure I have much to learn), I sense this is perhaps something that God will be calling me to do more of in the future.

I will cautiously say that I believe God used what I shared in the lives of many of the ladies...several ladies shared with me the impact that my openness and transparency had on them, tears streaming down their faces as they recalled hurts from their childhood that they recognized needed healing. I say 'cautiously', however, because sometimes it's hard to gauge the feedback here in Mexico, they could just be demonstrating politeness and appreciation at my efforts...while in reality my efforts may have been feeble! And perhaps some of them were merely expressing that politeness, but others did seem to be quite sincere and deeply moved by what I shared. At any rate, my speaking session was a gift to God for Him to use however He sees fit...I have chosen to focus on that truth and not obsess about whether I did a 'good job' or not.

I will leave you with some more photos of the vacation center where we spent the retreat...it was such a beautiful place and I already want to go back as a family to spend more time there. It used to be a textile factory, which makes the architecture of the place very interesting. My favorite picture is the one I took of the volcano Popocatepetl between the two chimneys...I wish I had taken my big camera to have gotten a better shot! Oh well, next time...

Me? A Conference Speaker?!

2011-10-05T13:38:00.000-06:00

Yep, that's what is going to happen this week...Friday, in fact! Not only am I going to attend a ladies' retreat, I am also presenting the craft (remember these cute little boxes?) AND I am one of the two 'conferencistas', or speakers. Oh, and I will be giving the final reflection at the end of the retreat. It has been a really, really neat experience to work together with the ladies on the leadership team in the planning of this event...it has been a great cultural experience.

Have I mentioned that I have never been a speaker at a conference or women's retreat? This is a first for me, but I'm not really surprised because a few months ago, I sensed God calling me to be ready for this...just didn't think it would happen so soon! I've only been in Puebla for a month!

Did I mention that this retreat is for Spanish speaking women? Yeah, so not only is this my first time speaking at an event like this, I will be doing it in my second language. Granted, there will be some ladies there who speak English and who can help me if I get stuck, but I a perfectionist and I tend to have the attitude of doing it right or not at all. That's probably pride, though, so if I mess up, I will be humble enough to ask for help. And if I mess up royally, well, I will just chalk it up to experience and learn from it! I'm really hoping that won't happen, though...

The other reason I am feeling a bit nervous is that I am planning to be open and transparent...and that makes me feel vulnerable. And a bit insecure, I think...what will they think about what I have to share? Will I be accepted or rejected? My hope is that my example of taking off a mask and opening up will encourage others to do so as well, but that doesn't always happen. But then I think of how long it took me to be able to take off the masks and I know that God will use what I have to share for something, in some way, whether I see evidence of that in my lifetime or not.

Homeschooling has taken up a lot of my time lately, so I am very thankful to Miguel today for taking over the teacher role in order to allow me some (almost) quiet time upstairs to finish writing my notes...apparently Mom is still the 'go-to' person for questions when Dad is subbing! I finally just locked the door and that worked a bit better...now the house is quiet since he took the kids out to run some errands.

Anyway, so that's what I'm up to this week...I'll be giving the first speaking session of three on Friday afternoon, followed by the craft. Ironically, I found out I have a few things in common with the other speaker who will be giving the other two sessions...we're both named Becky, we're both MKs, we're both married to Latin men and we're both missionaries in Mexico. Can't wait to meet her!

First Days in Puebla

2011-09-28T18:29:00.002-06:00

We spent the first few weeks in Puebla staying with Hiram and Cati, the pastor of our partner church, El Camino. I think a hurricane affected the weather, because it seemed like it rained for days on end during the first week or so here! We even had hailstorms, something we didn't really expect to see in Puebla, but apparently not all that uncommon...we've had plenty of sunshine since, though, which has been pleasant. The days spent with Hiram and Cati's family was great, we had time to rest from our trip (we were way more tired than we thought!) and of course, staying with a Mexican family was very good for us to begin adjusting back to Spanish and the Mexican culture. It has been so cute to hear the kids begin speaking more and more Spanish!

The Monday after we got here, another missionary from our church in Arkansas, Caroline, arrived together with her mom and Miguel went to Mexico City to help them catch a bus back to Puebla. Caroline will be working with El Camino church for a year or so, helping develop their children's program. Caroline's mom spent a week here and we took every opportunity we could to get out and about on the days it wasn't raining. We spent a couple of days exploring the Cholula fair (we actually live in Cholula, a town on the outskirts of Puebla City).

Here we are with Caroline at the fair.

We also got to go and meet Franco and Barby, the missionaries who live and work up in the mountains...Barby was recovering from a surgery, so we were actually able to go visit them several times before they went back home.

Here I am with Barby...I hope we become great friends!

One of the most impressive sights around town is the volcano, Popocatepetl (we're still trying to figure out how to pronounce that word, mostly we just say "Popo"). Popo is an active volcano, about 17,000+ feet high and actually has a snow-covered peak...most days, however, it's covered in clouds. The best time to take a picture of Popo is on a clear, sunny morning like this one.

Another interesting sight is this church that is built on top of an ancient pyramid...you can see the church and some ruins behind Miguel and I in this picture...

Every once in a while, I can spot this church from different locations in Puebla, it's pretty cool! One day we climbed up to the top and had a look around, but that is a story for another day...

The Rest of the Journey

2011-09-28T17:57:00.000-06:00

So...after camp in Prescott, we spent a week in southern Arizona visiting friends and resting up from our week of camp. A friend loaned us their trailer house as they were out of town, and it was a fairly peaceful week except for me getting sick with a bad flu and us finding out we had misplaced our van title. :( At first we thought that we wouldn't be able to cross the border into Mexico without the title, but then we found out we could use our vehicle registration...whew!!!! Our leaving was delayed by me getting sick, but then we finally got on our way and headed south for the border.

Gracia, Jkaile and Jojo enjoying our hammock

We had a good border crossing and trip down and by evening we were in Chihuahua City. We spent nearly two weeks there visiting friends and catching up with the news from El Cordero, our former church. We stayed a few days with one family and then moved over to a different house for our last few days there...it was a good time, even though we weren't able to see everyone we would have liked to see.

Our trip from Chihuahua to Puebla was very interesting and I really enjoyed my first glimpses of the central part of Mexico. It took one day to get to Saltillo, where we spent the night in a hotel, and then we traveled on to San Juan del Río, Querétaro on the second day. The scenery began to change from dry, desert to more lush green and I found myself snapping pictures all along the way!

I think these are called 'yucca' plants, but we'd never

seen them grow as trees!

Another fascinating sight were all the herds of goats

or other animals all along the four lane highway...the traffic didn't

seem to bother them a bit!

A man on horseback buying 'tunas' (prickly pears)...I

think the colt was interested in eating some, too!

San Juan del Río is a small town that was a delight to see...it was a little like stepping back in time to a more colonial era. We really enjoyed our time there sightseeing and also getting to know the McManus family, whose ministry is supporting homeschooling families. They have a beautiful home and even more awesome, an entire library (literally)! Our kids thought they were in heaven!

There are even more books down in the basement!

So when we left the McManus household, we were carrying even more stuff, several stacks of books that we checked out from their library! I'm not quite sure how we fit it in, but we did...from there, it was only a few hours to Puebla. After basically of month of traveling, we were all more than ready to arrive at our final destination...the scenery along the road continued to change to be more and more green and fertile farmland.

Fields of 'nopales', prickly pear cactus.

Such beauty made me catch my breath a little...some because these scenes remind me of Colombia, where I've left a piece of my heart, but mostly because this is our new home and I was loving what I saw. It felt a bit like coming home...

Three Quarters of the Way

2011-08-17T18:08:00.000-06:00

I wanted to write a post at about halfway, but yeah, that didn't happen. So here we are, at about three-quarters and that will have to do. What can I say, the time these last couple of weeks has literally sped by along with the miles since we left our house in the Village and began our pilgrimage.

The time we spent at the farm with Mom and Papa John was good, but I got sick with a weird cold/flu/allergy thing that kind of knocked me for a loop there...the kids enjoyed going to VBS and spending time in the creek. All too soon, though, the day came for us to leave...so here we are, all packed up.

We took two days to get out to Arizona, where we had the opportunity to ride the train up to see the Grand Canyon...that was an amazing adventure for our family and we highly recommend the experience!

First of all, there was a funny cowboy show complete with crazy shootouts and stuff. The kids got a ringside seat!

Then we boarded the train for the 2 hour ride north to the Canyon. The scenery was breathtaking in areas and we enjoyed some cowboy entertainment as well.

Once we got there, we had about 3 hours to explore and see what there was to see...of course, we wanted to do much more than we could ever possibly do in three hours, but oh well, maybe next time!

All too soon, it was time to meet back at the Grand Canyon Railway station for the ride home...but I confess to having a certain sense of relief at getting away from the edge of that abyss! Apparently, all that open space below me activated my vertigo AND my motherly instincts of protection for the kids because I felt not a little anxiety whenever they would get even remotely close to the edge!

One of the highlights of the trip home was spotting an elk among the pines...I wasn't able to snap a picture of it, but here is a photo of some of the beauty of the pine forest around the Canyon...and another view of the train...

The other highlight was getting 'robbed' by the same outlaws who had performed in the Wild West show that morning...this is how they get their tips!

After that, we got to go to camp! It was nothing but a blessing to attend the Pioneers Mid-Americas Region conference and meet our new coworkers in this region...some of them we already knew and found out that we have a lot of mutual friends with others...all in all, we felt welcome, included and valued as members of this group.

The kids also had a wonderful time and really fell in love with Mr. Billy and Miss Erika and the others who were there to help with the kids...they were also pretty excited to see Mr. Todd, who had been their leader at our orientation with Pioneers in Orlando! So here are some pictures from our time at camp...

Miguel ate a beetle! Ew!

Jkaile spent hours pursuing other beetle friends...the ones Miguel didn't eat.

Hanging out with friends...

Making silly faces...

Now THAT is a bad hair day!!!!

Gracia being her usual composed self...

I could, of course, go on and on, but since this post is getting long, I'll have to wait to tell about the next part of our trip...

One Week Left

2011-07-16T12:20:00.000-06:00

We are down to our last week in this house here in the Village...it is hard to believe that it's been almost an entire year since we arrived from Mexico. At that time, it might have been discouraging for us to have known that we'd still be here nearly a year later, but in reality, this cozy little house has been a blessing, a haven, a retreat and God's provision for us.

We cleaned out the fridge today...amazing how grubby it can get in a year. So it feels good to have that done! Now that it looks so clean, though, the reality of our move is setting in a little harder. Not that we're not excited about the move to Mexico and our upcoming ministry, but it's easy to get attached to places and things...there is always loss involved any time we move and it's important to work through the feelings and emotions to avoid a build-up of grief.

So I've been doing some processing with the kids...letting them know what's going on and what's coming up. We've talked about the sadness of leaving family and friends and we're talking about the excitement of what is to come.

Speaking of what is to come...here are some of the things we have to look forward to:

spending a few days at Grammy's house in OK and playing in the creek with cousins
celebrating Jkaile's fourth birthday
visiting the Grand Canyon
conference with coworkers from Pioneers
visiting friends in Chihuahua
making memories together as a family

So let the countdown begin!

Church Meeting

2011-07-14T21:22:00.000-06:00

A few weeks ago, my Mom called with the news that she had run into a pastor friend of hers at Walmart. This pastor is actually the one who baptized my Mom when she was a young teenager...his first pastorate was in the little country church that my Mom's family attended. Pastor Ed has followed my family's missionary journey and always invited my parents to share at the different churches where they have pastored over the years.

Pastor Ed has pastored the Spring River Indian Baptist Church for a few years and this church has supported my Mom's ministry during that time. Now that my Mom is retired, however, they have been wondering where to find another missionary to partner with...my Mom just happened to have a name handy and that is how we came to share about our ministry at the Spring River Indian Baptist Church this last Sunday.

We were given a warm welcome and the entire hour to show pictures and share about our future ministry in Puebla.

One of the interesting things about this church is their passion for missions...not only do they give to the general mission fund of the IMB, they also desire to partner with and support a missionary family with whom they have a personal relationship! We could tell they were excited about the possibilities and they did, in fact, vote to take us on as their missionaries. It was a true blessing for us to have this opportunity to share about our ministry with them and they have already blessed us...we look forward to visiting them again before we leave for Mexico.

Hot Summer Days

2011-07-14T21:09:00.000-06:00

When it's so hot outside, you just gotta find ways to beat the heat!

Gracia opted for grabbing a turn on the

Gameboy in the air conditioning...

Open House Goodbye Party

2011-07-08T08:11:00.000-06:00

This is the first time we've ever done this for our kids, but we think it is a great idea! We hope it will help their transition go a little more smoothly if they are able to have some closure by saying goodbye. So this is what I will be working on for the next couple of days. There is lots to do and I'm not sure I'm up for this, but I do want to make it special for them.

One Day at a Time

2011-07-07T16:26:00.000-06:00

We're quickly approaching our ETD (Estimated Time for Departure)...well, what we're pretty sure is our ETD (it tends to change on a weekly basis, but that is pretty normal for missionary life, gotta be flexible!). I'm tired, really really tired. And I'm fighting a cold/upper respiratory thing that doesn't seem to want to let go. If I let myself dwell on my weaknesses, though, sometimes I think that I'm probably not going to make it...but I am pretty sure that I will. Because I am learning more how to live one day at a time. Yes, I have my moments...when I'd rather just curl up in bed and check out for the day, but mostly I'm good.

When I'm tempted to lift up my eyes and get overwhelmed at the heights we have yet to climb before we can settle down on the other side, I remember to focus on the next step...just what I need to get done today. I am remembering to keep up my strength just for today...to take care of myself today so that I can begin tomorrow with fresh strength. God gives me enough strength to get through the next thing. Besides, I want to live in the present, be here through each day and enjoy the blessings and joys that God gives me in each moment. I don't want to miss a thing!

Sometimes I look back where we've come and I stand there amazed at everything that we've accomplished in the last few months...it is truly amazing! We have negotiated through the complexities of an agency transfer and trust me, it's complicated! We have nearly doubled our support level in the last few months and we're rejoicing over the fact that we only lack $215 of monthly support to get to the level we need to be at to be able to go (yes it is a 'minimum' and yes it would be great to get more, but it won't hold us back from going!). We've made two trips to Florida in order to complete the orientations required by Pioneers and God more than provided the funds needed to cover the costs for those trips. In fact, we have enough in our account to cover upcoming expenses such as our travel costs to Mexico and the costs of an upcoming Pioneers conference that we'll be attending in August. We'll have a lot of initial expenses for setting up in Mexico, too, so it's good to see God providing for that as well.

I could really go on and on...God has worked mightily through us and for us and we've been very blessed as we've traveled this path.

Recently someone asked me if there is anything I fear about the future...I had to think about that one! I think if I had to put words to one of my fears (and yes, it is fears, plural), one of them would involve a sense of inadequacy about this ministry we're joining. Tribal church-planting ministry is difficult and complicated...the more we learn about things like Church Planting Movements and Teamwork and Cross-Cultural Relationships and other missionary stuff like that, the more complex it seems to become! So when I'm tempted to feel overwhelmed and like I'm not up for this challenge, God reminds me that the 'success' of this ministry doesn't depend on me and my abilities anyway. That's really good, because I'm pretty sure I would fail at that one...God is just calling me to go and be what He asks me to be. What that will look like I'm not exactly sure, but I suspect a lot of it will look like being a wife and mother and friend.

So what's next? Well, this weekend we're having an Open House Goodbye Party for our kids...a time when their friends can drop in and say goodbye before we leave. So I'm deep in planning mode for that party. And then on Sunday night, we'll be speaking at a church in Oklahoma, thanks to a referral from my Mom. Next week we need to focus on pulling together a lot of documents, etc. to send in to Pioneers to have in our file. And we'll be working on moving out of our house here at the Village and will probably be taking off for Arizona around the 22nd of July. We're leaving a few days early for the conference to visit friends along the way. I'm hoping to spend the last couple of nights before we leave at my Mom's house so we can have a more proper goodbye and celebrate Jkaile's 4th birthday with them before we leave.

After the conference in Arizona, we'll set our sights on traveling south to Puebla, Lord willing. I say Lord willing because plans might change for some reason, they have a tendency to do that (and yes, it does drive me nuts sometimes).

I have mixed emotions about leaving...excitement for what's coming up on the horizon and yet all those goodbyes are hard to face. I guess the best strategy for facing the future is to take it one day at a time...savor each moment at a time...feel the emotions, the sadness and the joy and let God fill in the spaces.

The End or Maybe Just the Beginning...

2011-06-12T18:37:00.000-06:00

This last week, I finished the Celebrate Recovery 12 step program that I started back in August...but now that I have reached the end I realize that it is just the beginning! The end of a chapter in my life, but the beginning of a whole new one...the end of a time of fellowship with my step-sisters, but the beginning of new relationships as I follow God's call to "carry this message to others"...the end of learning about new principles, but the beginning of "practicing these principles in all my affairs." This truly is the beginning of a life-long journey towards hope and healing for me, one that will never end this side of heaven...

Paul's words echo through my mind..."not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3:12-14

During our last stepstudy session together, our group of 'step-sisters' shared a special time of celebration...bittersweet. Rejoicing in our achievements and yet grieving the end of our 'group'...

We had some creative
ladies in our group!

Celebrate Recovery this last Friday night was another celebration as three different step-study groups 'graduated'. I chose to share my story through a 'cardboard testimony'. Others chose to have a quote on the big screen, but I thought I'd challenge my fear of being up front a little and do the 'risky' thing...of course, I didn't know they'd choose me to be the first in line or I might have chickened out! lol

They did give me cues as to when to lead out the group and when to go up, but then I had to focus on not tripping going up the steps, the count on the first side, the blank/serious look, the flip, not getting the second side upside-down, the count on the second side, the joyful look of healing, panning the board so all could see, moving off stage-right...you get the picture, pretty challenging for someone with anxiety issues!

But I did it and I didn't trip or fall and I'm glad I chose the cardboard testimony because when I flipped that board and saw the looks of joyful celebration and hope it was all worth it. It has all been worth it. Thank you, Jesus!

I could have added...grief, anger, control issues,
codependency, food issues, anxiety,
childhood sexual abuse...no wonder I felt hopeless!

God's love and grace have set me free...not
that I have 'arrived', by any means, but I have my
heart set on pilgrimage...Psalm 84:5-7.

Trust: Building Confidence in Relationships**

2011-06-04T09:33:00.000-06:00

"The most important step in entering a new culture is to build trust. Only when people trust us will they listen to what we have to say." Marvin K. Mayers

"No task is more important in the first years of ministry in a new culture than the building of trusting relationships with the people." Paul Hiebert

Definition: Trust is the ability to build confidence in a relationship so that both parties believe the other will not intentionally hurt them but will act in their best interest.

This chapter in the book explores how we can build trust with the people around us, particularly people who are different from us...in most cultures of the world, trust is like the glue that holds relationships together, the energy that promotes spirited cooperation. Without trust, relationships do not grow or thrive.

Ingredients of trust:

Trust takes time...trust comes in incremental steps over time. Through a variety of experiences we develop more comfortable and confident relationship. This dynamic comes into play as we learn the language of the local people, since learning their language is actually a signal of your desire to know them and to build relationships of trust.
Building trust requires a certain amount of risk, mostly emotional...friendships grow while working through difficulties together and finding resolution...this includes things like clarifying misunderstandings, admitting wrong, apologizing and forgiving...as we deal with issues in a relationship, mutual confidence increases and soon both parties are more confident that the other will not intentionally hurt them.
Trust must be built from the other person's perspective...it is easy to make the mistake of believing that what would build trust with you will also build trust with someone else. It is important to always ask the question, "What will build trust from _________'s perspective?" Without taking the other person's point of view into mind, it would be easy for you to become like the monkey who tried to serve the fish by taking it out of the water. Trust must always be built from the other person's frame of reference.
Trust must be nurtured. Strong confidence in a relationship actually is a portrayal of the Trinity; absolute trust exists between the three distinct persons of the Godhead...the Trinity is a model for marriage, family, church and other relationships...in order to keep trust strong, both parties must regularly ask, "What will build trust with this person (or this group)?"

God and Trust

He trusts us. Trust finds its roots in creation...God created every human being and entrusted us with his own image (Genesis 1:27). God has given us something that makes us completely and wonderfully distinct from the rest of creation...his image bestows such dignity that we are loved by him above all other parts of creation. With God's image imprinted on our nature, we have been given the great privilege of choice...the exercise of will...and with this will our Creator allows us to love him with all of our heart, mind and soul, or to despise him and profane him...we are allowed the choice to do good or evil. God also entrusted us with managing his world (Genesis 1:28-30).
God builds trust.

The miracles that God performed in the Old Testament...by these displays of power he showed Israel that he, the Lord God, was trustworthy for all aspects of their lives so that they would not place their trust in false gods. God declared by word and by deed, "Trust me. I am worthy of your complete, unwavering confidence regardless of your circumstances. All other gods are untrustworthy...they will betray you, but I will never betray you."
The incarnation...God who not visible to the people of the Old Testament, was now made visible in the form of his Son Jesus, who was human (John 1:14, Phil. 2:7)...God built trust with us by sending his only Son to live among us. And throughout his life, Jesus displayed his power and invited us to trust him with our lives and our eternity.
Perhaps the greatest act of trust was Jesus giving his life for rebellious humankind...a righteous person giving up life for his enemies (Romans 5:7-8)....in his ascension, Christ entrusts us with his life and mission, in other words, to live out his life in the world...to be his light in the darkness, his mercy to the needy, his justice to the downtrodden, his voice declaring he is "the way and the truth and the life" (Jn 14:6)...in Jesus' own words, "I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith (trust) in me will do what I have been doing" (Jn 14:12).
God forgives our sins...when we repent of our sins and ask God's forgiveness, he promises to forgive us (1 Jn 1:9)...in our repentance, we communicate to God that we have broken trust with him and in his forgiveness, trust is renewed and the relationship is restored. And as his servants, we are to follow this pattern; forgiving one another when trust has been broken in order to restore relationships. Living in unforgiveness is to refuse to live like Christ.
The resurrection of Christ. As the disciples faced the confusion of the present and an uncertain future, they found Jesus' words comforting as he says "Trust me all the way to the resurrection."

Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me. (Jn 14:1-3)

Building Trust Across Cultures

In cross-cultural situations, building trust is even more important but also more difficult for several reasons:

Trust is built differently in different cultures...most people don't really think about how they are building trust, it is done rather intuitively. Some of the things we do in American culture will work in other cultures, such as smiling, phoning, emailing, spending time together and showing interest. However, other things that build trust in one culture may actually undermine trust in another. For example, let's say you are in another culture and you agree to meet up with someone at a certain place at a certain time to get to know them better (build trust), but they arrive 30 minutes late. Lateness for a meeting, even an informal meeting of friends, usually undermines trust for Americans, but not necessarily for people from other cultures. It might undermine trust for you if a person from another culture began to ask you how much you paid for your shoes, your house, your jewelry or other things...or an American male is pleased with the relationship being built with a man from the local culture, but one day this local friend takes his hand and holds it while walking down the street. How can you find out what these kinds of things mean in the culture where you are living?
Trust is culturally defined. Some activities may build trust in both cultures, but it is important not to assume this. In most cultures being late isn't disrespectful, it is a way of life and most people think nothing of being late...lateness should not be seen as a violation of trust. In other cultures it is not necessarily wrong to openly discuss money and wealth, people from other cultures are naturally curious about the wealth in the West and want to know more about it. Handholding, even among males, is in most cases a sign of good friendship, revealing a certain level of trust. The natural inclination, however, is to interpret these kinds of things from our own cultural frame of reference, but it is vital that we remember that trust-building is culturally defined. Learn how it is done in the culture you will be entering so that you can accurately interpret the signals that others are sending and so that you will be less likely to offend with your signals.
Trust is fragile. The author points out that in his younger years, he would not have put trust very high on his priority list, but that experience has changed this perspective. He points out that he has learned that without trust friendships, families and organizations, including the church, sink into dysfunction. "Trust is absolutely essential in everything we do...trust in marriage, between friends, at work, in public life...without trust we are doomed to chaos and confusion because nothing can work" (Richard Capen). In this life, we must connect with each other in order to survive and yet our apparent inability to value cultural and ethnic diversity increases the complexity of building and maintaining trust...and yet God wants that very diversity not only to be respected, but used in such a way that together we work to glorify God and unify around the work of his kingdom..."Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit--just as you were called to one hope when you were called--one Lord, one faith, on baptism; one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all" (Eph. 4:2). Trust is fragile and it breaks easily...when immersed in cultural differences, we can break trust without even knowing it...therefore, we must have a strategy for repairing it: forgiveness.

Forgiveness: Repairing Broken Trust

Every relationship experiences times of broken trust...sometimes it's minor, such as not arriving on time for a meeting, but sometimes it's major, such as violating marriage vows. When trust is broken, most people are willing to try to repair it, especially if the relationship is important. Only one thing can restore broken trust: forgiveness--forgiveness asked for and forgiveness received.

Westerners usually offer and receive forgiveness in a direct manner through a verbal exchange...one party says, "I am sorry for what I did (or said); will you forgive me?" and the other party usually responds with, "I forgive you." Assuming both parties are sincere, the relationship is then restored and is free to grow again. Based on Matthew 18:15-17, many Westerners believe that the only way to resolved conflict is accomplished through direct confrontation, face-to-face interchange; that it's verbal, one person telling another what he or she has done wrong.

The fact is, however, that in most parts of the world seeking forgiveness in the Western way only makes the situation worse because shame, honor and saving face are core values in other cultures and when violated, relationships usually break. Forgiveness will repair the damage, but it must be contextually understood.

How trust is built, violated and rebuilt in a given cultural context will vary. Therefore, you will need to discover for yourself what breaks trust and how trust is restored in your particular situation...you will need to learn this from the local people themselves. But, they won't tell you until they feel you are trustworthy! Trust becomes the foundation for deep sharing and mutual learning...out of this we discover how to best serve. In the next post in this series, I will share the author's thoughts on how to pursue such learning.

Becky's note: I will not list out the examples of restored trust and forgiveness offered that the author gives, but suffice it to say that the examples given are striking in their difference to the direct ways of conflict resolution that are taught here in the United States. The lesson I have taken away from this chapter is how vitally important it is to be intentional about discovering how broken trust is restored in the culture I serve and how the local culture 'do' conflict resolution...how willing I am to discover and use local methods of conflict resolution and trust-building will most likely be a major factor in determining how successful my relationships and ministry will be in another culture. Not to mention my relationship with my Venezuelan husband!

A Caution of Trust

Sometimes trust can be misplaced...we simply should not trust someone who is not trustworthy. Sometimes trusting someone too much too soon is naive and trust should never replace good sense.

To read earlier posts in this series you can go here or here or here....

**Notes for this post taken from the book Cross-Cultural Servanthood: Serving the World in Christlike Humility by Duane Elmer. I highly recommend you get this book, by the way...it might change your life!

Beggars

2011-06-03T11:54:00.000-06:00

These last few weeks have been very busy for us as we are in what we hope to be our last few weeks before leaving for Mexico once again...we are working to raise our support to the level it needs to be in order to leave for the field by the end of July. We were hoping to go by the end of June, but have had to push that back a month; not really a bad thing, really, just a disappointment, but we're dealing with it. :)

So we've been visiting friends, family, supporters and potential supporters, casting our vision for ministry and sharing about our work. We've either had guests in our home or been guests in somebody else's home just about every single day for about three weeks now...sometimes more than one somebody's home in one day! On the days that we are home, we've had the challenge of catching up on all the housework we've neglected with all of our busyness...and I don't really want to talk about the pile of dishes over there in the sink.

As is normal with such a busy time, we aren't exactly operating at full capacity since we're getting tired and pulled in many different directions. We've been handling it fairly well, for the most part, with only some minor issues and conflicts...encouraging for me since I haven't traditionally handled stress all that well in the past.

So this last Wednesday night, we were driving to our supper appointment which was about 30 minutes away from our house. About halfway there, Miguel noticed that we were about to run out of gas, so we stopped at a gas station close to our friends' house to fill up. But when Miguel asked me to give him the cash from my wallet, I discovered that my wallet was not in my purse! I had taken it out for some reason and hadn't remembered to put it back.

Miguel said, no problem, I'll just use the debit card and went to pull his wallet out of his back pocket. He got a really funny look on his face, however, as he realized that he didn't have his wallet either! He had taken a shower right before we'd left and his wallet apparently never made it back into his pocket.

So there we were, no gas and no way to buy any and 30 minutes from home! It was rather embarrassing to show up at a supporter's house, enjoy their hospitality, eat their food and then have to ask them for some gas money on top of that! It was either that or spend the night with them, LOL! We felt like beggars. Fortunately, our friends saw the humor in the situation and we all had a good laugh about it...don't think Miguel will be able to live that one down very soon, though.

Okay, gotta go clean up the house a bit...we've got company coming for supper! I'm making arepas and fried plantains...hope they like Venezuelan food!

Going Through the Motions

2011-05-19T20:04:00.000-06:00

This might hurt, it's not safe
But I know that I've gotta make a change
I don't care if I break,
At least I'll be feeling something
'Cause just okay is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of life

I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
"What if I had given everything,
instead of going through the motions?"

No regrets, not this time
I'm gonna let my heart defeat my mind
Let Your love make me whole
I think I'm finally feeling something
'Cause just okay is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of this life

'Cause I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
"What if I had given everything,
instead of going through the motions?"

Medical Junk

2011-05-17T20:37:00.000-06:00

I absolutely hate to go to the doctor. Period. I avoid medical junk at all costs and I always dread anything that has to do with going to the doctor, dental work, etc. Part of it probably had to do with the fact that my parents were required to take us all to the doctor and dentist every summer while we were in the dorm and I always had 4 or 5 cavities to take care of...ugh. And then I remember that one doctor my Mom took me to in 8th grade who caustically informed me that I was obese.

I've seen obese and in 8th grade I was NOT obese...a wee bit chubby, maybe, but not anything close to obese. But that stuck with me and now I have quite a lot of anxiety about going to any doctor who is basically required to inform me that I am overweight...yeah, well, tell me something I don't know! sigh. I'm working on it, but it seems as if the best thing I can do right now for my physical health is to take care of my emotional health first. I've already noticed a huge change in my attitudes toward food and I'm sure it will get even better once I can focus more clearly on that issue.

Most people do not understand my attitudes about medical attention (or the lack thereof) and probably wonder about it, especially at times when they might think I actually really do need to go to the doctor...like now, when I've been feeling like I have something of a kidney infection for a few days now. The question always comes from those who find out I've not been feeling well, "Have you gone to the doctor?" and they look puzzled when they find out I haven't and probably don't plan to, either!
And it's not just that I dislike going to the doctor, but I do believe that it is so much better for me to try to get over things on my own, if at all possible. I took so much antibiotics when I was younger, I really do try to do everything possible to get well with more natural means first if I can. I would be willing to take antibiotics for this infection if I have to, but taking antibiotics can also bring up issues all on its own, such as yeast infections, etc...so I really hope I don't have to resort to that.

So anyway, we have all these medical requirements and forms to fill out now that we're joining Pioneers and it's kinda depressing. Miguel and I need physicals and an HIV test and then the kids need some tests as well. I've been thinking about my physical and about which doctor I will go see...is it better to have a male or a female doctor? I think it depends...I'd almost prefer to go see a dr. of either gender as long as I didn't know them well and probably wouldn't ever see them again! lol It's kind of unnerving to ask a dr. friend to inspect you all over and then run into them at church or something...so that's been on my mind lately...

And the kids are way behind on their vaccines...I went through a time of real anxiety and stress about their physical health and the effects of vaccines on newborns, so I did not allow them to get many vaccines until they were a little older. Which put them way behind and yes, we get a lot of flack about that now. I still don't know exactly how I feel about vaccinations, but I do know that it relieved a lot of anxiety for me when I needed it to have made the decision not to vaccinate them as newborns. But now that they are older, we do need to continue building on the vaccines that they have had.

So this afternoon we informed the kids of their upcoming vaccination appointment (this Thursday morning, on Gracia's birthday, of all days!) and they were all whining and groaning about it until Miguel offered to pay them 2 bucks for each vaccination they get without fighting it. Now they (well, the older three, that is...Jkaile is still rather oblivious and I'm sure he will not be cooperative with getting vaccines, big bucks or no!) are rather excited about the whole thing and are hoping to get a lot of shots! That's a bit weird...especially since the last time they all four made quite the parade of crying, wailing children trooping back through the waiting room on the way out, much to the consternation of all the other kids waiting their turn...so we'll see how well this present enthusiasm for shots holds up when actually faced with the needles!

And then Micah said, "Hey, and do we get to do the pee test, too! Cuz that's awesome! You get to pee into a little cup and then give it to the nurse. And they never say thank-you!" I wish I could get that excited about a urine test...

A Girl Named Dirty

2011-05-15T12:23:00.000-06:00

They found her in the garbage dump on the edge of town and rescued her from the city of darkness.* The servants of the King cleaned her up, fed and clothed her and yet for all of the care she received, the girl named Dirty still seemed to prefer to live outside with the pigs.

One night the girl named Dirty crept close to the Celebration fires, the place where the subjects of the King celebrated Kingdom living. Dirty watched from a distance as ordinary people passed through the great ring of fire and were transformed into their real selves...princes, princesses, the Captain of the Guard, dukes and duchesses, lords and ladies of the King. There was music and dancing and delicious food inside the Celebration fire and she couldn't imagine what it would be like to feel so happy.

She longed to join them, but she was afraid. The girl named Dirty was afraid of the fire...afraid it might hurt. But she was mostly afraid that when she passed through the fire, she would be exactly who she was now, a girl named Dirty.

She felt something touch her and she turned to see a old man beside her. The hand on her shoulder felt warm and his eyes were kind as he asked her if she was joining the Celebration that night. She shrank back from his touch as the fear rose up inside her again. The old man invited her to go with him through the ring of fire, but Dirty refused. She watched in amazement and wonder as the old man walked through the Celebration Fire and was welcomed by all as the King himself! And then she felt shame, remembering that the King had invited her to go with him and she had refused...would he ever invite her back again?

The girl named Dirty remembered the King's invitation however, and eventually found the courage to step through the cleansing circle of fire. It did hurt a little but her love for the King impelled her and she emerged on the other side as a true Princess, daughter of the King...complete with radiant clothing and a delicate crown on her head. And best of all, she was clean, both on the inside and the outside.

Every time I read this story as a child, it would bring strong emotions and feelings to the surface...I soon avoided reading that story entirely in order to avoid the pain and that became a pattern in my life. I would do just about anything to avoid the pain inside. I knew how the girl named Dirty felt...I didn't like it that I felt like her story felt like my story and yet I had covered up the hurt so well I didn't really even know why that was.

I just knew that I felt dirty, bad, unlovable and unwanted...I tried to cover it up with laughter and bounce and fun and masks, but in those moments of quiet solitude, the voices were there with their sinister tones, "...you are ugly...you are fat...you are bad....you are lazy....you want too much...you are too much...you are not enough...you are worthless...there is no hope...if your friends knew who you really were, they would never like you...you are shame...you are guilty and you will never be free of that..."

The King invited and yet I was too afraid to trust, too afraid to believe...too afraid that nothing would change even if I did...too afraid of stepping into His Kingdom only to be revealed to be nothing more than a worthless, dirty reject in the midst of the children of the King. And so I watched from a distance, the smell of smoke on my clothes, as it were, but never getting close enough to actually be warmed by the fire...putting my hope in eternity but having no hope for a fulfilling and joyful life here on this earth. Able to trust God for eternal salvation, but not for earthly redemption. Believing that God loved me enough to save my eternal soul, but that He probably didn't like me very much in the meantime...

And so the King allowed me to live, always inviting but never forcing, until I came to a desperate place of need...where the desire to be free became greater than the ability to hide the pain and I made a choice to trust...to believe. It was as if I stepped into the fire...and while the fire was holy and cleansing and good, it was still fire and it still hurt. But it was a good hurt and it was a healing hurt and I am very glad that the King never stopped inviting...and there He was on the other side, waiting for me to step into my beautiful robes and my lovely crown amidst the cheers of my fellow Kingdom-dwellers.

Most days I may look the same as I always have...but if you notice that I walk a little taller, have a little more confidence and if you see that sparkle in my eye...it's because inside I know who I am...I believe...I'm a daughter of the King...

Every once in a while those old voices might come back for a second or two, but mostly they are drowned out by the shouts of Who I Am in Christ...

I AM ACCEPTED...

I am God's Child (Jn. 1:12)
I am Christ's Friend (Jn. 15:15)
I have been justified (Rom. 5:1)
I am united with the Lord, one spirit (I Cor. 6:17)
I am bought with a price; I belong to God (I Cor. 6:19-20)
I am a saint (Eph. 1:1)
I have been adopted as God's child (Eph. 1:5)
I have access to God through the Holy Spirit (Eph. 2:18)
I have been redeemed and forgiven (Col. 1:14)
I am complete in Christ (Col. 2:10)

I AM SECURE...

I am free forever from condemnation (Rom. 8:1-2)
I am assured all works together for good (Rom 8:28)
I am free from any charge against me (Rom. 8:31-34)
I cannot be separated from the love of God (Rom. 8:35-39)
I am established, anointed, sealed by God (2 Cor. 1:21-22)
I am hidden with Christ Jesus in God (Col. 3:3)
I am confident that the good work God has begun in me will be perfected (Phil. 1:6)
I am a citizen of heaven (Phil. 3:20)
I have not been given a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind (2 Tim. 1:7)
I can find grace and mercy in time of need (Heb. 4:16)
I am born of God; the evil one cannot touch me (1 Jn. 5:18)

I AM SIGNIFICANT...

I am the salt and light of the earth (Matt. 5:13-14)
I am a branch of the true vine; a channel of His life (Jn. 15:1, 5)
I have been chosen and appointed to bear fruit (Jn. 15:16)
I am a personal witness of Christ's (Acts 1:8)
I am God's temple (I Cor. 3:16)
I am a minister of reconciliation for God (2 Cor. 5:17-21)
I am seated with Christ in the heavenly realm (Eph. 2:6)
I am God's workmanship (Eph. 2:10)
I may approach God with freedom and confidence (Eph. 3:12)
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Phil. 4:13)

*story used from Tales of the Kingdom by David and Karen Mains.

Mother's Day

2011-05-08T21:09:00.000-06:00

This has been a wonderful Mother's Day...I have lazed around all day and have done absolutely nothing productive. Miguel has pampered me from start to finish on this day and is even getting the kids in bed for me so that I can hang out with my computer...I'm sure I'll have to kick butt tomorrow to make up for all this inaction today.

My Mother's Day flowers

I also was the proud recipient of a jar of olives, a pack of gum, breakfast and OJ in bed, a cookie from the baby shower they had next door yesterday (that Gracia ate for me), 100 kisses from Jkaile (he's really into kissing these days!), a toy compass from Chikfila, and an old red pen. I am truly blessed!

I thought a lot about my own Mom today...mostly because she is traveling these days. She just spent 3 weeks on a consultant trip to Colombia and is now in Ecuador visiting my two sisters who work there. I confess to being a wee bit jealous...who wouldn't want to enjoy the beautiful scenery plus spending time with family?! I got to skype a little with her tonight...incredible what technology can do these days!

One of my all-time favorite pictures of my Mom is this one, that I think really represents her well. That beautiful smile and a heart that has loved these precious people for several decades now...she had just given a life-saving injection to this little baby, a first in this tribe. I have to say that I admire her dedication and commitment to God, because all she ever aspired to be was a wife and mother and yet she has become so much more than that!

I'm kind of far away from my other mother as well, my mother-in-law Delia...but thanks to good telephone service, we were able to hear her voice, at least for a little while. I am very thankful for her life and her dedication to serving God...especially how she brought Miguel up to be the godly man that he is!

Miguel's parents, Angel and Delia

Growing Up

2011-05-05T09:13:00.002-06:00

I've been doing a lot of growing up lately. I know, I know...I look like a grown up woman on the outside, but so often I still feel like a little child sometimes. I get into certain situations and all of a sudden, I'm back into that 'one-down/one-up' relationship with other adults that characterizes the relationships that children under adult authority have.

We were all born as a little person in a big person's world and our job as children is to become a big person over time. This happens for some people, but not for all of us, apparently. Becoming a big person, an adult, means that the child moves out of the 'one-down/one-up' relationship role into a peer relationship to other adults. Becoming an adult is assuming the authority position of life, which is an important part of living out of the image of God.

This topic in particular really touches my heart deeply because I really relate to this...for some reason it is really hard for me to see myself as a grown up in this world...particularly in the mission community. This probably has something to do with growing up as an MK and then returning to missions, who knows. Maybe it's kind of like even though we're grown-up people with children of our own, how we still sometimes tend to fall back into our former childhood roles the minute we step through our parents' doors?

Anyway, I have struggled to feel like a grown-up in many of my relationships, particularly in this area of people-pleasing...I know this is a common struggle because I hear people around me who struggle with this, too. It's one thing to say that we should be 'God-pleasers' and stop being 'man-pleasers', but how, exactly, do I DO that? I have tried to break this cycle, but it's hard and so often I feel the guilt about making this or that decision creep back into my mind, even after I resolutely decided that I wasn't going to let what other people think affect me. I end up thinking more about what other people are going to think than about what God thinks.

And this has held me back...it has held me back from growing up mentally and emotionally...it has held me back from finding out what it means to truly live in grace and offer that same grace back to others...it has held me back from developing and owning my own thoughts, feelings, opinions...it has held me back from sensing God's will in my life because I was more 'in tune' with others' opinions of me than I was to hearing His voice. And that is a shame because I should have 'grown up' a long time ago!

But it's never too late to start, so here I go...I'm growing up and it feels good. A little, no a lot, scary, but it does feel good. I will admit to a certain trepidation, knowing that at some point there will be consequences of other people disagreeing with me and there might be unkind words, or worse...but I don't want to risk losing out on something really awesome in my relationship with God by letting my fear of what others think control me.

People-pleasing really does keep me from seeing what is truth from God, "How can you believe if you accept praise from one another, yet make no effort to obtain the praise that comes from the only God?" (John 5:44). I don't want my tendency towards people-pleasing to cloud my relationship with my God...I want His messages to come through loud and clear!

Listen to this verse in John 12:42-43..."Many even of the rulers believed in Him, but because of the Pharisees they were not confessing Him, lest they should be put out of the synagogue; for they loved the approval of men rather than the approval of God." These rulers believed in Jesus but were too afraid to step out in faith, trusting that God could provide for them even if they were put out of the synagogue...they missed out big time because they loved the approval of men more than that approval of God. Ouch. I don't want to be like that. When I stand before the throne of God after my last breath of earthly life, I want to hear for myself that I have met with the approval from God...at that moment, I think that whatever disapproval I might suffer here on earth at the hands of those who don't approve of me and how I live out God's calling on my life will be as nothing. I'm deciding right now that it will be worth it.

So how do I get there? Well, for me I am learning that it has to do with understanding what it means to do the authoritative work of adulthood*...and this means that I can't be always out to get the approval of other adults. That's what children do and children can't do an adult's job. So, seeking and finding approval from God and not trying to please others is an important aspect of growing into adulthood.

Adults make decisions, have opinions, establish values that are not subject to approval or disapproval from parents or parental figures, and recognize that they are accountable for the consequences of the things that they think, feel and do*. Basically, it means that it is a process of gaining authority over my life...to know what I believe, think through things for myself, made decisions, that I don't depend on the approval of others for survival and that I have expertise in one or more areas. Those who spend time around me will then get a sense from me that I am authoritative...that I have become an adult. And once I have become an adult, I can submit to the authority of God by choice, not out of any sense of duty or because 'that's what you do to be spiritual'.

This doesn't mean that I don't respect the offices of authority that are in the church, but it means that I don't view leaders as somehow being 'above me'...we are all equal adults in this family of God; all equal brothers and sisters under the fatherhood of God. Because I am an adult, however, and I have taken ownership of my life, I can freely give up my rights and serve others in submission because submitting to my equal brothers or sisters in their God-given offices is actually submitting to God and not to men.

Mark 12:14 says..."Teacher, we know you are a man of integrity. You aren't swayed by men, because you pay no attention to who they are; but you teach the way of God in accordance with the truth." Jesus did not fear men and neither did he need their approval as parent figures...so Jesus was free to speak the truth to others and then let them worry about whether they liked it or not.

I think I want to be like Jesus...a woman of integrity who teaches the way of God in accordance with the truth. I can think of no higher calling.

*Some thoughts and quotes used from Changes that Heal by Dr. Henry Cloud...

New Ministry Partners: Pioneers

2011-04-17T09:22:00.000-06:00

In between those trips to the beach, we spent a week at the Pioneers U.S. mobilization base in Orlando. They have an amazing campus located right on a lake, complete with a KOA campground, swimming pool, and plenty of wildlife! We even found a baby alligator wandering around the property while we were there!

Anyway, we were part of a group of 30 candidates attending the orientation with Pioneers and it was an exciting time of finding out more about how this agency's vision for ministry and core values as well as getting to know the folks at Pioneers and the other candidates there. We thought it was a very profitable week for us and we are happy to announce that we have been accepted as members of Pioneers. And the more we learn about Pioneers, the more excited we are for this opportunity to partner with them in ministry! We think that the ministry among the Totonac in Puebla will definitely benefit from this relationship.

Highlights from this trip include (but are not limited to!) kid-free time to hang out as a couple (we left our kids behind in the Midwest with my sisters!), beautiful scenery in FL, friends both old and new, focus on missions, our beautifully decorated room, an atmosphere of grace, openness and transparency, and lots and lots of laughter. We look forward to returning as a family in June for our next week of training!

Pioneers' Mission statement: Pioneers mobilizes teams to glorify God among unreached peoples by initiating church-planting movements in partnership with local churches.

Pioneers Core Values:

Passion for God...The Great Commandment is our motive for the Great Commission. We want to live our lives fully surrendered to Him so that all nations may know that He alone is God.
Unreached Peoples...Pioneers focuses on those with the least opportunity to hear and understand the gospel.
Church-Planting Movements...We want to see new believers united in fellowship with other believers, forming churches that plant churches—until all peoples are reached.
Ethos of Grace...Understanding that each person bears the image of God, we endeavor to cultivate an atmosphere of mutual acceptance and respect in all our relationships, encouraging each one to attain his or her full potential in Christ.
The Local Church...Pioneers partners with sending churches to plant new communities of Christians. We also work alongside local, indigenous fellowships wherever possible.
Team-centered...Teams that are both task- and member-focused are the core of Pioneers. This is crucial since many of the world's remaining unreached peoples are in difficult and isolated pockets of the world.
Innovation and Flexibility...Reaching the world's remaining unreached peoples requires creativity and a sensitivity to the unique calling, vision, and needs of each missionary.
Participatory servant-leadership...Pioneers has a decentralized leadership structure. We are principle- rather than policy-driven, applying an interactive approach to decision making that is based on trust.

Trip to Florida...Fun in the Sun!

2011-04-17T08:38:00.000-06:00

We've been busy! On April 1st we arrived in Florida for our first orientation/training week with a mission agency called Pioneers. We flew on a smaller airline that only flies on Mondays and Fridays in the spring months, so we had a day before the training started to visit with our friend Angela. She took us to the beach and we had a great time...we pretty much spent every spare minute talking our heads off! lol

I really did not expect Miguel to actually get in the water since it was a bit of a chilly day, but he did! He and Angela's kids had a blast braving the waves, digging in the sand and having mud fights. I was the victim of this particular mudball!

After the orientation, Miguel headed south for Venezuela and I spent the weekend with Angela again before flying back to Arkansas. Of course we had to go back to the beach again...this time I was the one who hung out with Angela's kids in the waves...it was great!

Another highlight of this trip was getting to hang out for an evening with some of my MK friends I grew up with in Colombia.

There were other highlights, too, like the visiting owl, margaritas at Mi México, the slightly dismembered lizard the cat drug in, Spanish moss, wild turkeys and sandhill cranes, lunch with a rooster and so much more...I am treasuring these memories...

I Am That Woman

2011-03-29T07:54:00.000-07:00

She was a sinful woman, a prostitute, living a life dedicated to giving pleasure to sinful men. Ashamed, empty, desperately lonely, rejected by all except when they wanted something from her...unloved except for those few fleeting moments of physical passion as she offered herself in exchange for a living.

Used by men, she in turn used them to serve her own needs and purposes. It was an awful way to live and she knew it.

She'd heard about Jesus, this man who claimed to be the Son of God, the Messiah. She'd heard about his kindness and compassion, how he mercifully healed the weak, the sick, the lame, the blind. She knew that she was in need of healing just as much as those poor creatures, she who was beautiful on the outside, but crippled within. She'd heard that he preached forgiveness of sins and she longed to see him, to hear his voice, to receive healing for her own damaged, sinful heart.

One day she heard that Jesus was at Simon's house and her heart dared to leap for joy. He was so near. She frantically searched her house for something she could give and found a jar of expensive perfume. Fully expecting to be rejected, she went to Simon's house anyway, compelled to be in Jesus' presence.

She didn't know if she could even come near to Jesus, but she had to try. There were many people in Simon's house, she was not the only one who desired to be with him. She slowly crept forward, suddenly timid and shy. Her reputation as a prostitute, however, kept those around her from touching her, letting her edge ever nearer to Jesus. She found herself right behind him as he reclined at the table sharing the meal Simon had provided.

As she heard his voice, she became overcome with emotion. She began to weep, filled with awe at his utter perfection and deep, deep sorrow over her sin. Her tears coursed down her cheeks and began to fall on Jesus' feet. Having no towel, she began wiping the wetness from his feet with her hair, kissing them with tender care. She gave no thought to what those around her were thinking, she only gave herself to Jesus in the only way she knew how, through intimate contact with Him. Her only thought was towards Jesus as the Son of God, the Messiah, the Holy One, the One who could fill her empty, shallow life with love and life and forgiveness.

She took the alabaster bottle and splashed the perfume liberally over Jesus' feet and once again lovingly wiped them with her hair. She gave no thought to the expense of the perfume, it was as nothing compared to the priceless opportunity she had to serve Jesus in this way.

Then Jesus spoke. His words rebuked Simon the Pharisee for not having washed His feet or treated Him with the respect He was due. And then his words forgave her sins, out loud, in front of everyone. Then he turned to her and repeated, "Your sins are forgiven. Your faith has saved you; go in peace."

She turned to go and stumbled out of Simon's house, stunned by what had just happened. She had expected to be thrown out of Simon's house and knew that would have been what she deserved. But not only had Jesus accepted her into his presence and accepted her offering, he had forgiven her sins as well. There was a fullness inside in place of emptiness, love instead of hate, peace instead of pain, joy instead of sadness, healing instead of hurt...hope instead of despair. And Jesus was right, her heart overflowed with love because she had been forgiven much.

And today I see that I am that woman. Not a prostitute in the literal sense of the word, but haven't I prostituted myself to sin and the desires of my flesh? Haven't I offered my body for ungodly pleasures, trying to find fulfillment in food or fleeting happiness, worshipping myself and my desires instead of God, living to please others instead of Jesus and all the time spiraling down into a life of shame, self-contempt, depression and loneliness, desperate to hide my sin and shame, feeling unloved, rejected and alone?

There came a point when Jesus came near and he was the only way out. Jesus welcomed me into his presence, let me come near and he let my tears wash over his feet, even though I was anything but worthy. He let me pour myself out, a costly perfume that he paid for with his own life and he let me fall, completely spent, at his feet because he knew that's where I needed to be.

And then he said to me, just like the woman that was healed by merely touching His robe, that my faith has saved me, that my sins are forgiven and that I am released to go with his peace in my heart. Therefore, since I have been justified through faith, I have peace with God through my Lord Jesus Christ, through whom I have gained access by faith into this grace in which I now stand. Romans 5:1-2 (personalized).

Is it any wonder that my heart overflows with gratitude and joy that words can hardly express? Is it any wonder that my life has changed completely? Is it any wonder that his love for me overflows to everyone around me? I can do nothing less than live and love for him because I know, I know, how much I have been forgiven.

Luke 7:36-50

When one of the Pharisees invited Jesus to have dinner with him, he went to the Pharisee’s house and reclined at the table. A woman in that town who lived a sinful life learned that Jesus was eating at the Pharisee’s house, so she came there with an alabaster jar of perfume. As she stood behind him at his feet weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them.

When the Pharisee who had invited him saw this, he said to himself, “If this man were a prophet, he would know who is touching him and what kind of woman she is—that she is a sinner.”

Jesus answered him, “Simon, I have something to tell you.”

“Tell me, teacher,” he said.

“Two people owed money to a certain moneylender. One owed him five hundred denarii, and the other fifty. Neither of them had the money to pay him back, so he forgave the debts of both. Now which of them will love him more?”

Simon replied, “I suppose the one who had the bigger debt forgiven.”

“You have judged correctly,” Jesus said.

Then he turned toward the woman and said to Simon, “Do you see this woman? I came into your house. You did not give me any water for my feet, but she wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. You did not give me a kiss, but this woman, from the time I entered, has not stopped kissing my feet. You did not put oil on my head, but she has poured perfume on my feet. Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—as her great love has shown. But whoever has been forgiven little loves little.”

Then Jesus said to her, “Your sins are forgiven.”

The other guests began to say among themselves, “Who is this who even forgives sins?”

Jesus said to the woman, “Your faith has saved you; go in peace.”

What Happened to Spring?!

2011-03-27T13:11:00.000-07:00

It turned cold again today, so I'm comforting myself with these pictures from a warmer day last week when we took a walk...I loved these pictures of the Jkaile, Jojo and Gracia...I don't know where Micah was, probably off playing somewhere else...

To change or not to change...

2011-03-18T16:08:00.000-07:00

Okay, I'm experimenting with changes to the look again...I would mess with it some more, but I need to go attend to the kiddos...I think I'll leave this one up for a while and see what I think...

Spring

2011-03-18T15:07:00.000-07:00

A few pictures of spring from around campus...

forsythia in all its glory...

fresh growth on the rosebushes...

buds on the trees...

miniature blooms underfoot...

graceful green next to blossoms white...

breathtaking beauty...

pretty girls and tulip trees...

if God gave us such beauty on earth, imagine what the

new heaven and new earth will be like!

LORD, our Lord,
how majestic is your name
in all the earth!

          You have set your glory 
              in the heavens.Ps 8:1

Earrings for Gracia

2011-03-18T07:55:00.000-07:00

Most girls in Latin America get their ears pierced as infants. That is, in fact, many times how one is able to determine the gender of a baby, by whether said baby has pierced ears or not. When Gracia was born here in the U.S. I don't think we made a conscious decision not to get her ears pierced, but we just didn't. Later, I wished that I had, but then I realized that getting her ears pierced would be a special event when she was a little older.

Gracia and I have talked off and on about it, but she never had much interest until this last Monday when she came to me in her sweet, shy way and whispered in my ear that she really did want to get her ears pierced now.

So off we went to Claire's within the hour before she changed her mind! Micah and Jojo heard we were headed to the mall and wanted to go with us, but we really shouldn't have taken them along because they were so not impressed with all those girly things in the mall and pestered us with groans and wails and when-are-we-leaving noises. Well, I guess they did provide some important moral support at the actual moment of the ear piercing, so that was something. And they were very enthralled with these little makeup cases that you push a button and it slowly unfolds to reveal the inner workings, but basically they made fun of everything there. I'm glad they are normal, healthy boys.

But anyway, we had to wait a while because there was another lady there getting her 2 month old? baby's ear pierced and when I heard that baby cry over her pierced ears, I was kind of glad I didn't get Gracia's ears pierced at that age...I think it would have broken my heart to hear her cry like that knowing I'd inflicted that pain on her!

Gracia was very brave, however, even though she was a little concerned after hearing that baby squall! They couldn't do both ears at once since there was only one employee there and I was a little worried she wouldn't want to go through with the second one, but Gracia did good! One tear escaped her eye and then she was okay. And the boys cheered her on.

So that's how Gracia got her ears pierced and it has gone down in the Aguirre family history books as the day Gracia got earrings. She's already eyeing my earring collection and claiming some for her own.

I'm so proud of my girl!

Abandoning Yourself to Holiness

2011-03-17T19:50:00.000-07:00

During the quieter moments of this roller coaster ride, I've been pondering the following thoughts from Larry Crabb's The PAPA Prayer...

What does it mean to abandon yourself to holiness? ...when we come to God...wanting to see where we're wrong in the way we relate more than we want someone else to admit how they're wrong in the way they relate to us...including God. But it goes further. We're abandoning ourselves to holiness when we come to God wanting not only to see where we're wrong but also to claim the privilege of letting others experience how God relates to them by the way we relate to them....(in the Bible) we're being told to abandon ourselves to holiness, to share in the way God relates, with radical other-centeredness, with terrible sacrifice, with humble love...

But we'll never even come close to God's example of love until we clearly understand that sin is relational...relational sin is anything we do for the primary purpose of getting something for ourselves...that means that the primary thought behind everything we do is to trust Him with our deepest needs and longings, to bring Him pleasure by putting all our eggs in His basket, to fix our hope for everything we hold dear on who He is and what He is doing and what He will yet do...

...when you abandon yourself to holiness, you think more of how you fall short of God's holy way of relating than of how others fail you or how badly you you feel or how difficult your life may be...but your focus on your own failure does not make you hate yourself, not when you're relating to your Papa...it makes you hate your sin, not yourself...and this focus doesn't leave you discouraged and feeling heavy. Broken, yes. Despairing, no. You know that purging lights up the path of holiness, the road paved by grace that leads into God's presence, into Papa's lap...

Roller Coaster Ride

2011-03-17T17:06:00.000-07:00

I fell out of our van the other day, literally. Miguel had had the van in the shop for a couple of days and then I needed to drive it somewhere...I stopped, opened the door and then I just stepped out into thin air! I felt pretty stupid...I even turned and looked at the van wondering why in the world I had expected a step to be where there obviously was not one?! I just chalked it up to having gotten used to driving the Explorer and went about my day.

A few hours later, we were at home and Miguel says, "Oh, I forgot to tell you...I took the running boards off the van when it was in the shop." It took me a couple of minutes to process that comment and then I was like, "It was YOU!!!!!" It made me feel a little better to notice that Miguel himself fell out of the van the next day, lol. Revenge is sweet...

You can see the running boards in this picture that now

aren't there...apparently, I have always used

that lower step to get out of the van...

So yeah, having lots of fun these days getting ready for our next missionary adventure! We are happy to say that we have decided on a mission agency and are applying to a mission agency called Pioneers. Of all of the agencies that we considered and explored, we feel that it is the best fit for our new ministry in Puebla. Pioneers has already agreed to take on our mission project, which was yet another open door for us. We were able to turn in all of our application paperwork on time to register to attend an orientation with Pioneers on April 3-8. They will review our application, meet with us and then we should know by the end of that week whether our membership application will be approved or not. At this point, there have not been any red flags regarding our application, but it is always good not to assume things...we have our tickets bought and places for our kids to stay, so that's all taken care of.

Once we had that orientation scheduled, we did a big planning session to pin down some dates and figure out our next steps and discovered out that what we had kind of thought was 'out there' in the future was now upon us! For one thing, we found out that we will need to move out of our house here at the Village before we go to the Pioneers orientation the first week of April...that sort of changed a few things, but it is all working out for the best. We have a good place to stay after we move out of the Village, so that's a blessing.

It took me about half an hour to process that paradigm shift and then I was off and running with the new plan...we have shelved homeschooling for the time being and are focusing on ministry priorities for now, such as email lists and supporter communication and the packing/sorting/storing of the ever-present stuff. I wish we didn't have to have all that stuff, but we do and it has to be sorted, sigh. We are basically planning only to take what will fit in whatever vehicle we drive to Mexico in (which may or may not be our van), so that really limits what we can take...we may also be able to either ship or have someone else take some things.

So lots to do and lots to think about! My head has been spinning for a couple of weeks, but in a good way...we're so excited about this new ministry. Today we met with yet another potential supporter who have committed to being monthly financial partners as well as prayer supporters and we have just been so blessed to have people like that on our team. Times like that, Miguel and I just pause and gift thanks to God for His blessings.

I kinda feel like I'm on a roller coaster, hair blowing back in the wind, heart pounding, enjoying the ride!

Missions Conference

2011-03-01T09:39:00.000-07:00

We just got back yesterday from attending a missions conference at my Mom's sending church over in Tulsa. I'd forgotten that my family has such celebrity status over there in that church, we were treated like royalty! We were only going to attend, but they included us as featured missionaries which was rather unexpected. It was good to reconnect with people that know my family and hear from the various other missionaries that attended, including my Mom. Todd Ahrend from The Traveling Team was the main speaker on Sunday for both services, what an incredible speaker!

The kids weren't too sure about the conference at first, but they were hooked the first night when some folks from the Voice of the Martyrs spoke and then the kids had the opportunity to try to smuggle Bibles through an elaborate darkened tunnel. The church even provided an EMT to stand by in case any of the kids got too stressed out because apparently it was quite intense! My kids loved it though and then couldn't wait to go back...they weren't disappointed with the other events like learning about other cultures, trying some exotic foods and worshipping God under an Angolan hut.

Miguel and I were asked to teach the 1st and 2nd grade Sunday school class...they weren't sure if they could get a missionary to speak in their class, so they were thrilled to have us there. We requisitioned some of Mom's tribal stuff and Miguel put some pictures together, so we had a decent presentation and wowed them with monkey teeth and Yanomamo arrows (10 feet long) and the blowgun and darts (Miguel shot a picture of a tapir we projected onto the wall). I did the talking and we pretended like Miguel didn't speak English so they had the chance to experience a language barrier. I think it went well and we heard from several parents later how much it had impressed their children.

I had a bit of a cold when we went, but all that talking I did brought about the usual laryngitis I get when I talk too much. I mean, I usually DO talk to much anyway, but I always get laryngitis when I go on translation trips or have to talk constantly like at a conference, etc. Speaking to the kids for 45 minutes on Sunday morning was the final straw and I could barely speak the rest of the day and I had a lot more talking to do!

We stayed with a wonderful couple while we were there, an older couple who spent a few years on the mission field after their retirement. They loved our kids and have a gift for hospitality. They have a full basement that we stayed in and we were very comfortable there at their house, which made our time there so much easier. They even introduced us to their neighbor who is a pastor from Venezuela! Small world...

Overshadowing this event, however, was the fact that Papa John (my stepdad) had to be admitted to the hospital overnight because he had been having all the symptoms of a heart attack and therefore missed part of the conference. It turned out not to be a heart attack, although it might be some sort of blockage, but it was a bit alarming and we were faced with Mom and John's mortality once again. Not something that's all that fun to face, but necessary at their age (Mom turned 65 on Friday). Papa John has an appointment with his regular doctor today, so we're waiting to see what results that might have.

So a rather eventful week for us and we're enjoying a day of rest today...I was planning to do school, but that's kind of hard to do without a voice! The kids aren't too disappointed, though...

Turning Point

2011-02-22T08:07:00.000-07:00

Looking back over the last few months, I feel a deep sense of gratefulness at how God works to carry me through hard times...God is good. We've done a lot of grieving in our time of ministry, come to think of it! When we went to Venezuela way back when, we were entirely committed to living and working there with NTM for the rest of our lives and well, things didn't work out that way. We took a huge hit when, barely two years later, we were facing the decision of leaving to go work somewhere else. We arrived in Mexico hopeful that perhaps God was leading us to stay there, although Miguel still sensed a strong desire to return to his home country, understandable certainly, but was it God's calling or just a human desire? We weren't certain...and then sure enough, two years into our time in Mexico, there we were, packing up another household of stuff and stepping out in blind faith.

At the time, I was rather terrified of stepping out like that because it meant facing a future that I wasn't at all sure that I was willing to face, but if I hadn't been able to let go of our ministry in Mexico with NTM, God wouldn't have been able to lead us to the ministry that He has had waiting for us. It is interesting how God writes our stories, brings opportunities to our door and then allows them to step away for a time if we are not ready to open that door. He is faithful to work and then bring these opportunities back another time when we're more ready to answer the call.

We have known for years that our sending church has been greatly involved in a church planting partnership with a local church in Puebla, Mexico for several years now...Miguel has, in fact, gone on three different short-term mission trips as a translator to this ministry site, but we hadn't had much thought about it other than acknowledging that it existed. Three years ago, Miguel brought up the idea of going to live and work there, but since it implied leaving NTM and I was not ready to face that choice yet, we declined that opportunity, stayed with NTM and went to Chihuahua instead.

When we left Mexico last August, we went through a strong grieving process because not only did we grieve leaving Mexico, which we have come to love, we grieved the loss of friends both in and out of the mission community. We had many good friends within NTM and had connected so strongly to the community of believers in our local church that it was like leaving family, a truly painful process that was difficult to recover from. But it was a necessary step as God directed our path and moved us towards His plan.

2010 was an interesting year for us because it marks a turning point, a time of real growth and change in Miguel and I, both personally and in our ministry. In many ways, I think we finally 'grew up', if you will, emotionally as we began dealing with some deep hurts of our past and in our marriage. And this healing seemed to open the door to some true growth in our ministry and we found ourselves disatisfied with the 'status quo' of the mission world we found ourselves in and yet not really sure we were able to make a decision that would mean some radical change. God used those experiences to sharpen our vision for ministry, define how we desire to work and to help us know what to look for in our next ministry.

And then something pretty amazing happened and God showed us very clearly that our time with NTM had come to its end. It was a painful process, weaning always has its moments of distress as we break some of the strings of dependency that might have formed with such a partnership. A friend describes the relationship between a mission agency and its members as a 'marriage' and he noted that when that relationship breaks down, it can be compared to a 'divorce'. Such a 'divorce' between an agency and a member can produce some pretty strong emotions and feelings of loss and grief and abandonment, true, but sometimes is necessary as the member seeks to follow God's plan for their lives. We learned that our identity needs to be solidly placed in Christ and not in a membership in a mission agency or church or in anything other than Christ, really. And we have certainly learned that God is sufficient for us at all times and in every circumstance. All in all, I think we're handling things pretty well, even though we have had some ugly moments in the middle of it...we are very thankful for having had this place of rest and retreat and are thankful that God knows what we need even when we don't have a clue.

As we contemplated our resignation from NTM, however, we weren't really sure where God was leading even though Miguel still had a strong desire to return either to Venezuela or the Amazon region. So we explored some of those ideas and continued to pray and ask for wisdom. And then our home church brought back the Puebla ministry to our attention again and I remembered something...I remembered that back in July when Miguel had last gone to Puebla, he came back energized and excited and interested and I had wondered at that point whether God was leading in that direction. I remembered having privately surrendered to God in that moment...having said to God "I'll go!" if he asked us to go. And isn't that where God wants us anyway? Willing and surrendered?

Miguel wasn't visibly responding as quickly as I was, though, so I stayed quiet, watching and waiting and praying and resting in God's will. Besides, I wasn't at all sure that God was leading us to Puebla, it could have just been me and I didn't want to influence Miguel's decision, I wanted God to confirm this in a big way for both of us. And I'm learning that my husband doesn't make decisions as quickly as I do, he likes to take time to think these important things through rather thoroughly before committing, but soon enough, there we were, entirely in agreement and with a peace about pursuing this ministry. I was a little surprised because I knew that Miguel is still so attracted to hot and humid tropical places with rivers and fish and outboard motors, and yet he, too, is willing and surrendered to God's will.

So here we are, preparing to return to Mexico sometime in the next few months, so excited we can hardly stand it! In fact, if it weren't for some boring details such as joining another mission agency (NTM doesn't work in this area) and raising more prayer and financial support, we'd be leaving, like, tomorrow! We feel so blessed at how God has been so faithful to work in us and through us and we can't wait to serve Him back. We find in interesting how God has brought us full circle back to Mexico, a country we both love. Our new place of ministry is not very tropical, being in the mountains of Puebla with a cool, temperate climate and really no navigable rivers to speak of...but it IS green and humid!

So here's the scoop...there is a church in the city of Puebla called El Camino Bible Church that wants to plant churches. They are ambitious, they desire to have a church planting ministry in every state of Mexico! Anyway, a few years ago, they were able to send a missionary couple from their church up to the mountains of the state of Puebla (about four hours northeast of the city of Puebla) to live and work in a small, remote community with the intention of starting a church planting movement among the Totonac people group.

Our sending church has come alongside El Camino to help and facilitate in any way that El Camino feels they need help and it's been neat to see our sending church take a helping role and not a leading role in this partnership. Our sending church sends teams down to Puebla three times a year to help with community outreaches, medical outreaches, children's ministries and construction projects.

Totonac man in traditional dress

The Totonacs are an ancient people group who co-existed alongside the Mayans and the Aztecs. They have their own language that is not related to other language groups in the area. They were actually enemies of the Aztecs and joined Hernan Cortés in the Spanish conquest of the Aztecs back in the 1500s. The Totonacs were incorporated into the Spanish regime, but since they traditionally lived in remote mountainous regions, they have maintained a lot of their traditional customs and culture. There are roughly 200,000 or more Totonac people in this region with several dialects. Along with many other indigenous groups in the Americas, they have adopted folk-Catholic religious beliefs while retaining animistic beliefs alongside. There are very few evangelical churches or believers among the Totonac.

Totonac women in traditional dress

Franco and Barbara, missionaries to the Totonac, have had a successful ministry and now have several believers who are even beginning to teach their own people. They do work in Spanish with bilingual men, who teach their own people using a New Testament that was translated by Wycliffe years ago. There is a church building in the town where Franco and Barbara live, but they are seeing that churches could be planted in other towns and that the believers need more discipling. Franco and Barbara are also getting up in years and are thinking about retiring in a couple of years and they are naturally concerned about continuing the work.

And that's where we come in...this is exactly what we've been trained for, cross-cultural tribal church planting! And Miguel's gifts lie in teaching and discipling, as well as in community development. We are also good language learners and I suspect that we'll be moving beyond working in Spanish to learning and working in the Totonac language eventually. Miguel has already seen and experienced the work first hand and is well-liked and respected there, not just by Franco and Barbara, but also by the tribal people and El Camino. Our sending church and we, too, think it's a good 'fit' for us and we're pretty excited about getting there and getting to work!

L-R: Miguel, Hiram (pastor of El Camino),

Franco (missionary to Totonac in Puebla)

and Jordan (Missions admin. assistant

from our sending church here in AR)

There is so much more I could write about this ministry and the Totonac, but this is getting long, so I'll save it for upcoming posts. I will write some of our objectives for the next few months, though, things we need to do and accomplish...

Join a mission agency...we have it narrowed down to two and are applying to both, waiting for God's direction there...
Raise needed prayer and financial support...we already have a pretty good base of support in both areas, but are just working to expand it...
Obtain a vehicle, preferably some sort of SUV that can handle mountain roads, but isn't so new or nice as to call a lot of attention to it.
We're praying about possibly fitting in a visit to Venezuela this year, but not sure that's going to happen...
Spend time in Puebla getting to know El Camino and allowing them to get to know their new missionaries.
Find a place to live in the mountains...we will most likely be living in a small town close to Franco and Barbara.

Small town in the mountains

There are still some unknowns and a lot of questions to answer, but we'll get there and God will provide. The important thing is that we're on the move and have a goal that we're working towards...in a sense it is a dream come true, an answer to something we've prayed about for a very long time!

So thanks for being excited with us! And plan on coming to visit us soon!

Sobriety

2011-01-19T15:38:00.000-07:00

Last week at my group session one of the women arrived late (and yes, I do have her permission to share this story...normally what happens in group time is confidential). During her time to share, she apologized for being late and admitted that even though she really needed to be drinking liquids because of some congestion, she had not brought in her Sonic cup because she was concerned that we would somehow judge her, thinking she had been late because she stopped by Sonic...even though it was old Sonic cup that she was 'recycling' and she hadn't even been to Sonic that morning. We had a good laugh at that one and sent her out to the car to get her cup...

And even though we laughed, we weren't really laughing at her so much as at ourselves because that's what we do and that's how we are, isn't it? I appreciate her transparency because it got me thinking about myself. I have spent a lot of time and energy trying to figure out what other people might think of me if I do this or that...how will this come across, what will they think if I do that or say that...obsessing about the possibility of being judged and perhaps offending someone...or agonizing about decisions and becoming paralyzed and then not caring for myself in healthy ways because I choose to try to please someone else instead of giving myself permission to care for my own needs (somehow the whole 'thinking of others first' thing got all distorted). I can remember hours of obsessing about previous conversations or situations and literally convincing myself that people might not ever want to see or talk to me again, certain that I had probably offended them with this or that comment...yeah, I agree, it's exhausting!

This is the nightmare of codependency (by no means a clinical definition, obviously, just my personal perspective). For me, codependency often means taking on too much responsibility for others' emotions and reactions/responses and trying fix things that are not mine to fix.

In recovery, it's a little easier to define 'sobriety' for an alcoholic or a drug addict because, well, it's pretty obvious. But with issues like codependency, it's a little harder to define what sobriety is...for me it's more about intentionally working on and facing my issues and marking off the time since surrendering that issue to Christ. And then looking back to see if patterns are changing and whether I can detect if I am becoming more healthy. And then one day something happens that is like, wow, I'm changing!

That's been my experience. For instance, I went to Walmart just a little after lunch on Sunday I didn't really want to be there at that particular time since I wasn't feeling too well and I knew it would be crowded, but I had to buy some things for the salad I had signed up to take to community group that night. I remembered to pick up a few other things we needed as well and I kind of guesstimated how many items I had, deciding that I could go through the fast lane because it appeared that I had about 18 things, give or take a few. All the lanes were really busy and it took me a while to get to the register.

As I was putting my things on the counter, a guy behind me said, "Excuse me, ma'am, but I work with Walmart and I wanted to talk to you about how many items you have in your cart." And I was like, seriously?! The poor guy's wife was obviously embarrassed at his behavior and quickly assured me that he did not work with Walmart. She tried to cover up her discomfort by explaining to me that they were just a little frustrated with their shopping experience since they had been in been in another Walmart and the electricity had gone out. So they had come to this Walmart and were having to deal with the crowded store and slow service. I began chatting with them about how inconvenient that was while I kept checking out...and then of course, the card reader wouldn't read my cards for the first few attempts so it took longer than usual to get out of there.

What struck me is that my response to this situation was so different than it would have before...for one thing, I did not let this man's inappropriate comments bother me, period. I just didn't let it in. Then I was able to sympathize with their "plight" even though they really did choose a pretty bad time to go to Walmart if they wanted to get in and out quickly...I knew it would be busy at that hour and pretty much just expected for it to be slow going. I absolutely did not obsess about my choice of going through the fast lane (okay, I will admit to later counting my items, there were 22...yes, over 20 but pretty close and some things were multiple items) and I definitely did not obsess about the conversation with these people. If they want to think I'm a loser and such a criminal for going through the fast lane with 2 items too many (and I doubt they actually counted), then that is their problem and not mine. I'm probably never going to see them again anyway, so why should I have my life ruined by the opinions of strangers? In fact, I was rather amused at the whole situation instead of feeling embarrassed or annoyed.

So I think that's pretty good evidence of 'sobriety' for my codependency and that's pretty cool.

There Will Be a Day

2011-01-16T20:16:00.000-07:00

Today was a rough day for several reasons...and the temptation haunts me to just 'numb out'...that's been comfort, my coping strategy for a long time and it's a hard habit to break.

"There are days when we would rather 'sleep'. There are days when the emotional numbness of denial seems less painful then the alertness required by recovery. Couldn't we just 'let it ride' for a day? Couldn't we just 'sleep' for a while?"**

But I didn't. I worked my recovery principles instead.

"Being alert means that we allow ourselves to see and hear, to use our senses and mind and heart. It means that we pay attention to what is happening inside of us and around us. Pay attention...even if life is painful, even if it is not what we want it to be."**

I made the right choice because God met me in the middle of the mess and he gave me hope and serenity. My confidence comes from the certainty that God is walking through every step right beside me. And it's also in the promise that one day there will be a place where there is no more suffering, no more tears, no more pain, no more fears...where the burdens of this place will be no more and I will see Jesus face to face.

**from the NACR Daily Meditation for Sunday, Jan 16, 2011 from Dale and Juanita Ryan

Snowy Day

2011-01-10T10:57:00.000-07:00

It began snowing last night and while it's not much, it was still enough for the kids to have had a blast this morning making snowballs and eating maple syrup snow (which they probably shouldn't be doing, but I'm sure we've eaten worse things!). Schools have declared a snow day in most areas, so the kids were happy about that (okay, okay, I know, we're homeschooling...sh! don't tell).

The view out my window was just beautiful...

Celebrating One Year of Recovery

2011-01-07T17:01:00.000-07:00

In Celebrate Recovery, recovery time is marked by taking chips...there is the first chip, a blue one, that is taken as a visible sign of the surrender of a particular area of recovery in a person's life. Then there are chips to mark 30 days, 60 days, 90 days, 6 months, 9 months and then subsequent years after that.

There is nothing magical about the chips in themselves, they are just a tangible way to celebrate healing and 'sobriety' from our issues, but there is something pretty exciting about going forward to publicly mark that hard-earned recovery time. There is something about seeing those chips and remembering the journey...they are a visible reminder of turning over very real problems to God...

It was one year ago this week that I count as the beginning of my journey of recovery...it was the date that I came out of denial about my childhood sexual abuse, began facing my problems head-on and made a very deliberate choice to trust God in all things. Even though I wasn't in the Celebrate Recovery program at that time, I was still in recovery and all recovery 'counts'. So tonight I get to pick up my first one year chip.

I am so excited about this...I can hardly wait...and like the chip says, God's grace has been enough for me...

Stepping Out of Denial

2010-12-19T18:06:00.000-07:00

**Reader warning...brutal honesty ahead...

I have spent the majority of my life living in denial. If you want to know what that feels like, read over the following acrostic (courtesy of Celebrate Recovery's Participatory Guide 1, pp 17-19):

Before we can take the first step of our recovery, we must first face and admit our denial...God tells us, "You can't heal a wound by saying it's not there!" (Jeremiah 6:14, TLB). The acrostic for DENIAL spells out what can happen if we do not face our denial.

D isables our feelings...by repressing our feelings we freeze our emotions...understanding and feeling our feelings is freedom...(2 Peter 2:19)

E nergy lost...a side effect of our denial is anxiety...anxiety causes us to waste precious energy running from our past and worrying about and dreading the future...it is only in the present, today, where positive change can occur...Psalm 146:7-8)

N egates growth...we are "as sick as our secrets"...we can't grow in recovery until we are ready to step out of our denial into the truth...(Psalm 107:13-14)

I solates us from God...God's light shines on the truth...our denial keeps us in the dark...(I John 1:5-7)

A lienates us from our relationships...denial tells us we are getting away with it...we think no one knows--but they do...the answer is found in Ephesians 4:25, TLB, "stop lying to each other; tell the truth...when we lie to each other we are hurting ourselves..."

L engthens the pain...we have the false belief that denial protects us from our pain...in reality, denial allows our pain to fester and grow and turn into shame and guilt...God's promise is found in Jeremiah 30:17, TLB..."I will give you back your health again and heal your wounds."

Instead of facing things that happened to me when I was growing up, I stuffed and denied...and then I had no idea why the roots of my self-image were rooted so deep in shame and guilt or why there seemed to be so much darkness growing inside me. About a year ago, in His mercy, God allowed me to begin the process of stepping out of denial and into God's grace.

The truth is that I am a victim of childhood sexual abuse. I knew it happened, it wasn't like I denied that it happened...what I denied is that it had any affect on my life in any way, shape or form. I was so steeped in the tradition of denial that I could actually hear stories of other people who had been sexually abused as children and feel sorry for them, all the while thinking that I could not relate to them because I had nothing like that in my own background. Is that crazy or what?!

One of the major reasons that I lived in denial of the abuse is that it was not perpetrated by some family member or other adult, the abuse came in the form of sexual games played by other children while my family lived in a remote location without other coworkers. I was allowed to spend time alone with these other children and depravity was rampant in that culture. So in a way, I didn't see that as abuse because it was something that I willingly participated in (I now know that is a common thing among victims of abuse, minimizing the abuse). I think I knew that it was wrong, even though I was very young, but I did not have the ability to refuse or I was curious or something. And yet it was abuse, just the same, and it twisted and warped and damaged something inside of me that I didn't know how to fix. I didn't even know how to tell anyone what had happened or that I should tell someone.

So from that time on, I lived with secret shame and guilt over what I had done. I pushed it into the recesses of my mind, thinking that if I forgot about it then it wouldn't affect me any more...and yet the reality is that sexual abuse seems to permeate the very core of your being and has to be dealt with or it continues to grow in insidious power as it takes over the different parts of your life...I found myself a grown adult, sometimes barely able to look other people in the eyes because of the deep shame I felt about who I was as a person. I didn't understand myself at all and instead of getting better, felt myself slipping further and further into darkness. I found myself completely controlled by my coping mechanisms, turning to food and other things in a futile attempt to satisfy and fill the emptiness inside (this is, in fact, the biggest thing that I have repented of...while I was not responsible for the abuse, I am responsible for the ways that I responded to that abuse as an adult and I have repented for trying to find life and satisfaction in anything other than in knowing God).

I wore a mask for many of those years, just pasting on a smile and hearing myself live and laugh and yet feeling so dead inside...I wondered if this was all there was to life and my only hope became that someday I would spend eternity in heaven, free of the pain and the darkness. I realize now that I did not have much hope that life on this earth could be fulfilling or even all that enjoyable...I didn't seem to be able to receive much enjoyment from my life, even though there were moments of fleeting happiness.

One day I realized that I'd become someone who was toxic...highly insecure, deep in despair, unloving and unkind to my children, a hypocrite because the mask that I wore really didn't reflect the truth of who I was inside. I rarely allowed myself to feel all of the pain that I held inside because I was afraid that if I did, it would be too much for me to bear and I would fall into complete instability. Afraid of losing control, I kept a tight rein on my emotions and very few people suspected that there was anything wrong...the only problem was that keeping such a tight control over my emotions just numbed me so that while I couldn't feel the painful emotions, I couldn't feel the good, positive emotions either.

There are other things I have lived in denial over, other issues from my childhood, emotions and feelings that I had never processed and all of these things just kept building up an incredible vacuum of pain and emptiness inside me that have done a lot of damage to my life and those around me.

But now I can look back and see that in the last few years God has been bringing me to a point where the desire to heal was greater than the desire to hide. God has done an incredible healing work in me to give me the courage to face the reality of my life and learn how to heal, grow and live for His honor and glory. Celebrate Recovery has been a place where I have found healing...I have discovered that I am not alone and that my story isn't all that different than so many others. In fact, God has been gracious to me because I have not experienced the half of what others have gone through...sometimes my heart breaks as I hear others share what they have had to heal from. How it must break God's heart to see how his creation treats each other sometimes!

I recently reviewed my healing progress and I was amazed to find out how far I've come...the shame and self-contempt are gone...I no longer battle darkness and despair and depression every day because I have hope in a real, honest and intimate relationship with my heavenly Father and Savior Jesus Christ. The roots of my self-image and identity are rooting themselves deeper and deeper into the soil of God's grace, Christ's love and delight in me and the truth of His Word. I am free from the negative recordings playing in my head telling me that I'm dumb, stupid, bad, inadequate, unspiritual, immature or a bother. I can hold my head up high and look people in the eyes when I speak to them because I know that I am a valuable child of God...if I mess up, I confess it, make things right and move on. I have peace with God through my Lord Jesus Christ because I have been justified through faith (Romans 5:1). This freedom is a powerful thing and as I experience it, I can sense that I am finally enjoying a true, emotional attachment to God. For some reason, the things that happened to me had given me a sense of abandonment and had not allowed me to form the attachment to God that I needed to experience intimacy with Him or with others, including my family and my children.

I still struggle with leftover habits that need reforming and with other issues, such as emotional reactions when I get triggered or with second-guessing myself and my decisions...I still find there are things I need to grieve over...I spent years in denial and it would be unrealistic to think that complete healing will happen overnight. But even if it does take time, I'm learning to give myself grace and I know that things that will get better with time as I learn how to handle life on this side of healing. I am learning to respect my limits, how to set healthy boundaries, and how to resolve conflicts in a godly way. Life is good and I feel clean and free to live out my faith in Christ in a real, honest and transparent way. My deepest desire is to know God so that His life and grace will trickle out of me to others sometimes. I am thankful that God loves me so much that He is patiently walking with me through this healing process and I long to see Him face-to-face, thank Him for His grace and experience fully His delight and enjoyment in me, His creation. For now, however, it feels pretty good to enjoy this new life in Christ right here on earth.

In Celebrate Recovery, we use the Serenity Prayer a lot and I have grown to love and appreciate the words of this prayer as I apply it to my life.

God, grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change,

the courage to change the things I can,

and the widsom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time,

enjoying one moment at a time;

accepting hardship as a pathway to peace;

taking, as Jesus did,

this sinful world as it is,

not as I would have it;

trusting that You will make all things right

if I surrender to Your will;

so that I may be reasonably happy in this life

and supremely happy with You forever in the next.

Amen.

Reinhold Niebuhr

Wash Away

2010-12-19T16:11:00.000-07:00

My heart's desire...that all but Christ

in me be washed away...I just

want to know God...

Stepping into the Story

2010-12-19T15:52:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago, I had the opportunity to attend a retreat for ladies where we listened to a missionary to Thailand share some thoughts about getting more intimate with God. I wasn't sure what to expect but I certainly wasn't disappointed! Either I'm listening with new ears or I'd just never heard these particular thoughts before, but it was such a refreshing time to hear this woman speak to my heart in such a meaningful way. At one point, she handed out journals for some writing time and to take notes...I picked one with pretty floral patterns and went to work, I love to write!

We were encouraged to gain fresh insight into familiar Bible stories by stepping into the story, putting ourselves in the place of a biblical character to see if we could see anything differently. This looks like...reading the story, imagining myself there hearing the sounds, smelling the smells, feeling the grass, the dust, the tears on my cheeks...and asking, What are the emotions I feel as I 'see' Jesus? What is Jesus saying to me in the story?

The speaker pointed out that all too often we read the Bible with our brains and don't really engage our other senses...but if we don't have an emotional experience with the story and truly enter into it, there will inevitably a disconnect between us and the Word. And that's how it is, sometimes what I read in the Word is so familiar that it is dry and no longer fresh. But the speaker pointed out that as we practice stepping into the story, it will become move alive...less about how we 'get it together' and more about how God reaches out to us.

And right now, I'm all about that emotional connection to God...I've lived too many years with an emotional disconnect from God and I am excited not only about trying this with other passages, but sharing this idea with others as well. Like with my kids.

So here's what happened when I stepped into the story of the woman healed by Jesus in Mark 5:21-43. It was a powerful experience for me, a precious one. It still is, especially if I read it out loud. I hope you enjoy it as well.

I am a woman who has suffered for many years...sick, tired and wasted. I have spent so much time and energy and money in trying to find healing for my body. I have tried so many different ways to be healed and have suffered through so many different treatments from countless doctors. It just seems so hopeless! But then I hear about this man Jesus who heals the sick. Could it be that he could heal me, too? I go to where he is passing by just to catch a glimpse of him, but there are so many people! I fight to get closer, but I know that even if I could approach him, I might not have the courage to ask this man to heal me. Who am I but one poor, weak, insignificant woman? They say that this man, this Jesus, is The Messiah! He will never want to bother, then, with someone like me. And besides, even if I did have the courage to ask him, he might just say no and I couldn't bear that.

But then the thought occurs to me that maybe I don't need to ask him, maybe if I just touch his clothes, maybe that would be enough. It might not work, but I have to try. I'm that desperate to get well. He'll never know, there are so many people here...how could he possibly know that I've touched his robe? I press forward in the crowd, but people are pushing on me from every side. The noise from all the people shouting as they make their way through the street with Jesus is almost unbearable for me. I use one last burst of my meager strength to surge forward. I reach out my arm and my hand brushes the hem of his robe for just one second as he passes by.

And that is all it takes. Time stands still and the world stops moving. I feel a jolt of energy move up my arm from my fingertips and spread throughout my body. I feel as light as a feather and I know immediately. I am healed! Everything comes back into focus and the sounds of the crowd reach my ears once again. Full of joy and weeping with thankfulness I turn to go back home.

And then I hear the crowd go silent as Jesus asks, "Who touched me?" I shrink back, hoping that he will not notice me and give up and move away. But he doesn't leave and and his eyes keep searching the crowd. He asks again, "Who touched me?" What had I been thinking? Of course Jesus would know that his power had healed me. Trembling with fear, I push my way through the crowd. I can't look at him and I just throw myself at his feet...at his mercy. I expect him to rebuke me. I am so afraid. Will he take my healing away?

My story pours out of me through my tears, the years of suffering and the loss of my health and my life. I beg him to forgive me for bothering him, since I know that he is so busy. His hand on my shoulder stops the flow of words from my mouth and I dare to cast a glance up at him. Jesus is looking down at me and to my surprise I see that he is not angry. In fact, I can only see love and compassion in his eyes. And then he speaks. His voice rings out through the silence. He says, "Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering."

Daughter? He calls me daughter? And no, that wasn't right, he healed me...my faith is not enough, it is small and weak. But Jesus said that my faith has healed me! I don't understand...but I do understand that I am healed. Jesus said it, too, I am HEALED!

I don't get a chance to speak to him any more...messengers have come to tell him that Jairus' daughter is already dead. I turn away in shame, thinking that if I hadn't stopped Jesus on his way to heal the girl then maybe he would have gotten there on time. I return home sad, even though I am healed. I weep over the death of that little girl, even wishing that she had been healed instead of me. But then I hear the news, Jesus did heal that girl, brought her back from the dead! My heart surges with joy again. Surely Jesus is The Messiah, the Son of God! And that means that it was the Son of God that healed me! The Son of God cares about me! A simple woman. Surely he is a great God! I bow my head in grateful worship.

I know that I might never see Jesus again, but he will be a part of my life for as long as I live...for it is not my life that I live, but this is the life that Jesus gave to me. I can do nothing less than live that life for him.

My Kids

2010-11-02T13:45:00.000-07:00

October 30th was Micah's 10th birthday!

It didn't work out to have a big party for him

this year, but he did have a couple of friends over

to play and one spent the night...here he

is with his new ripstik.

This last Saturday Gracia and about 30 other girls

got together for a tea party!

We shopped together for the Perfect Dress

and found one that we both loved.

The tea party was in honor of Gracia's friend Allison,

whose family are also missionaries from our church.

They are here at the Village for a few more weeks

and Allison's mom wanted her to have some

special memories to take back with her when they leave.

Jojo...always on the go!

Here he is learning how to ride a ripstik as well.

Since all of the other kids around here

were dressing up for Fall Festivals, we dug out our

costumes...Jkaile was thrilled with the knight costume.

Of course, then he went around whacking

everybody...

Beautiful

2010-10-17T10:29:00.000-06:00

I heard this song on the radio and it took my breath away...

Growing Up

2010-10-17T10:16:00.000-06:00

Miguel and I have had some serious talks lately. About us and about a particular time in our lives...a time that neither of us really like to talk about because it was not a good time. And besides, every time we did try to talk about it, we just ended up fighting. Yeah, you know, one of those things...a thing that both of you would rather just stuff in a box and put on the back shelf hoping that it will just disappear, except that it doesn't. It just keeps sneaking back out of the box and popping back up to hurt us when we least expect it. We would just stuff it back in and shelve it again, only to have it come back to hurt us again and again...in Celebrate Recovery, we're learning that insanity can be defined as doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results. Like turning a light switch on and off even though the light bulb is burned out and then getting angry that flipping the switch doesn't turn the light on. So just a wee bit of insanity there on our part...

Since God's working on both of us and we are desiring truth in the inward parts (Psalm 51:6) and wanting to deal with our 'stuff', we've been taking this particular box off of the back shelf and opening it up to see if we can work through this thing instead of denying its existence.

It's not been our favorite thing to do. We've had to say some hard things to each other...things that are incredibly hard to hear and say. Turns out, though, that it was worth the pain of working through these issues because we did it and we survived and we conquered. Turns out that there were some major misunderstandings...turns out Miguel thought I was purposefully being difficult and having a bad attitude and resentment towards him for moving me away from my missionary friends when it was only that I was struggling to handle the heat, the stress of multiple moves, my fourth pregnancy, homeschooling three young children, loneliness from feeling isolated from communication with friends and family...turns out that I felt abandoned and rejected by him when he didn't seem to want to listen when I brought my concerns to him when it was that he was having trouble hearing the way I chose to present those concerns...turns out that he felt uncomfortable with the way I was not acting in culturally appropriate ways and that he felt that it was limiting and negatively affecting his ministry...turns out that we weren't taking our cultural differences into account or talking about those differences and how they were affecting our perception of each others' hearts and motives. Turns out we each were able to own our part of the problem and repent and ask for forgiveness.

I don't know that we've taken care of all of the walls we've built between us, but we're well on our way to completing our own little (huge?) DIY demolishing and rebuilding project here and it feels good. Not like oh goody, we get to dig into some deep hurts, but good in that we're cleaning house, coming to place of understanding and finding new unity. We're choosing to fall in love with each other all over again and trying to be sensitive to each other's cultural point of view.

As hard as these last few months have been for us personally and in our ministry, I am totally thanking and praising God for where He's brought us and how He's working. Instead of obsessing about what went wrong and on the 'if onlys', I am choosing to thank Him for all things, the good, the bad and the ugly because He's redeeming those things and working them out for good. I am truly finding joy in these trials (James 1:2-8) because James was right, those trials are working to help us grow in character and patience. We're recognizing our own faults and how we might have contributed to each situation both with each other and in our ministry and being intentional about facing hard things. We're working to give up the right to be understood and well thought of by others and the right to defend ourselves and we're handing our reputation to God to defend and protect as He sees fit* (that doesn't mean that aren't things we still need to address with other people, just that our attitude is one of a desire for God to make His truth known and reconciliation and not acting out of anger or bitterness). We know that there may come a point where we will have to walk away still misunderstood and misjudged and while that might be hard to do, we think we're okay with that.

I think that's called growing up and that's a good thing.

*I want to give credit to a dear friend who is helping us walk through this process...a lot of these are her words, not ours...isn't it awesome how God provides help in time of need?

Hearing God's Voice

2010-10-17T08:52:00.001-06:00

Last weekend my Gracia girl ended up with a straddle injury from jumping onto her bicycle seat a little too quickly and I was afraid we'd have to take her to the hospital to get a catheter or something because she could barely bring herself to pee because of the pain. I felt so badly and so helpless to help her. Maybe it wasn't the best decision, but I decided to deal with it at home instead of taking her to the doctor and subjecting her to the process of getting examined by a stranger.

We made it through one night and another day, but then the next night she woke me up from a pretty deep sleep twice complaining of a tummy ache. I sent her back to bed both times. I know that I was half-asleep and pretty out of it, but even so I recognized that I was pushing her away because I just didn't want to deal with it. I didn't know what to do, so I chose to do nothing. I felt the pricking of my conscience and recognition of my dysfunction, the way I sometimes push my kids away when I don't know how to deal with their pain. Even in my stupor, I knew that it was wrong.

I prayed. I told God that I didn't want to get up at 1 o'clock in the morning when I was so dead tired and that I didn't know what to do to comfort my daughter. I think I asked Him what to do. And He answered. I felt it very strong in my spirit (or wherever it is that God speaks to us) 'go to her'...I think I reminded God that I didn't really want to and I heard it again...'Go to her. Don't leave her alone when she is hurting.' So I got up and I went to her where she was laying on the couch and we sat together while she moaned in discomfort. I helped keep her hair out of her face while she threw up and I helped her clean it all up. And I held her and I tucked her back into bed where she slept for the rest of the night and I am so grateful for God's gentle voice that is teaching me how to be the mother I need to be. I am grateful that I am coming to the place where I can hear that voice because I'm pretty sure it's been there all along, waiting for me to listen.

The next day I didn't feel so well myself and it was Columbus Day anyway, so we took the day off school. I determined to make caring for Gracia my priority that day and so we spent hours sitting together on the couch where I helped her keep a frozen water bottle on her injury and got her to drink two glasses of ice tea so that she would not get dehydrated. I went to the bathroom with her and comforted her through the pain of going potty. It helped and she got better that day. To tell the truth, I got better that day, too.

Odds and Ends

2010-10-02T11:57:00.000-06:00

What have we been up to lately? Good question! I'm so far behind on my blog posting and reading...sorry...so here you go...odds and ends about our lives these days...

1) Homeschooling - I could safely say that homeschooling is one of our biggest challenges these days! Not a bad challenge, in any way, just that it's a huge change in our family and one that's taken a lot of adjustment for all of us. We are having fun with it, though, and getting more used to the pace and the schedule. I've really had to get 'tough' with myself, though, because I'm not good at keeping organized and ahead of the game enough to keep us all on track. Sigh...at least I'm learning...

2) Ministry challenges - as we continue to work through ministry decisions, we've had a lot of questions about the direction that God might be leading us. To a certain degree, we've seen some of those questions answered and it looks like some things are being more defined...unfortunately, it's not really what we expected or how we expected and it's very likely that some major ministry changes are coming our way. We are going through a pretty rough time right now with some unfair accusations being made against us and we're confronting some issues right now...in the middle of it all, however, we continue to trust God to strengthen and guide us...we're confident that God has our reputation and testimony in his hands. We'll keep you posted as we go...

3) Personal Development - if you read my last post all the way through to the end, congratulations! I know it was long and perhaps 'dry' for some, but I continue to be challenged as I consider whether I work to communicate acceptance in my relationships and especially in my cross-cultural relationships (including my husband)...I am grateful for how God has worked in my own heart to confront my own ethnocentricity (I know, big word) and whether I am willing and able to set aside my preferences and my rights in order to work towards becoming a true cross-cultural servant.

During this time that we're back in the States, I've also taken the opportunity to attend a ladies' Bible study at our church...it was hard to choose between so many good ones offered, but then a friend invited me to go to a Significant Woman study where we would be 'peer coaches' for each other. This study has been a refreshing time of fellowship and growth for me and I've enjoyed getting to know my friend better and making new ones along the way.

4) Celebrate Recovery (CR) - To quote the Celebrate Recovery page on our church's website..."Celebrate Recovery is a Christ-centered program that helps us deal with life’s “hurts, habits and hang-ups.” The purpose of Celebrate Recovery is to celebrate God’s healing power in our lives through the eight recovery principles found in the Beatitudes and the Christ-centered 12 steps. We open the door to healing by sharing our experiences, strengths and hopes with one another. In addition, we become willing to accept God’s grace in solving our life problems. The result: life-change!!" For more information about CR click here...both Miguel and I are attending CR at our church here and I'm in what they call a 'step-study', too, a group that works through the 12 steps in a small group setting with weekly meetings. There are issues that each of us are dealing with and we're excited to see opportunities for growth and healing in our lives. I'll write more about this later...

5) Another Birthday - This last week we celebrated Jojo's sixth birthday! Jkaile was convinced that it was his 'dirthday', too, so we kind of allowed him to get in on the action...he probably won't get away with that next year, though...we had cake and home-made vanilla ice cream and presents and games with Miguel. I think Jojo enjoyed his day and was pretty happy with his gifts, in particular the Lego set that made him quite popular with the rest of the boys!

Jojo at his birthday table...he had a Lego cake that he helped

decorate himself...

Opening presents...

Happy with the Legos!

Enjoying a game of Capture the Flag

The 'other' birthday boy...

Acceptance: Communicating Respect for Others-Part II

2010-10-02T09:12:00.000-06:00

To read Acceptance, Part I, click here...

Trouble in the Church

Differences in the the various churches Rome and Corinth had the effect of making sides...fellow believers were either 'in' or they were 'out' (I Cor. 1:11-13). Paul labelled these differences as 'disputable matters', or gray areas that should not break fellowship (Romans 14:1)...we should not look down on anyone who believes a bit differently about these 'disputable matters'...and Paul goes on to point out that an accepting Christian should value others so highly that they would rather sacrifice a personal preference or even a right than risk losing the relationship or cause another to have a problem (I Cor. 8:13).

To Accept is to Bless

In the Bible, particularly the Old Testament, to bless someone was a way to communicate acceptance. In fact, the word 'blessing' means 'to highly value someone or something'. Blessing can be viewed in relationships in the following way...God blesses people, people bless each other, and people bless God. In a multicultural world, the church is called to 'bless the nations' by valuing persons and cultures in their uniqueness. God calls us to demonstrate to the world the high value and worth God has placed on each person...and not only each person, but also each family, ethnicity, tribe, tongue and nation.

Dignity: The Sacred Endowment

God created humans in his image...people bear God's image. God has shared something unique and of himself with every single person on the face of this earth...God desires that we see his face when we look into the face of another...no one is insignificant...no one is worthless...life has meaning and each of us has meaning and importance because God's own imprint is upon our humanity. Therefore, it is our responsibility to see others as God sees them...treat them as he would treat them...name them as he names them...either we treat them with the respect and dignity that God has given them or we profane God's image in that other person by treating them with less value...

Factors Limiting our Acceptance of Others

1) Language - in cross-cultural situations, language limits our ability to verbally communicate acceptance to others...and to make no effort to learn or use another's language is, in itself, a form of rejection. People don't separate themselves from the language they use because it is how we define ourselves and how we make meaning out of life...to not know my language equates not knowing me....for short-term missionaries, it is important to make an effort to learn some greetings and a farewell in order to communicate that they value others...

2) Impatience - impatience limits acceptance of others...we often like to see things happen more quickly than they do...and in many parts of the world, waiting is a nonissue and an integral part of life...meetings don't start 'on time', roads are bad, lines are long, traffic backed up...for a Westerner, all of the waiting can be very frustrating because it is not what we are accustomed to...it is important to find ways to deal with life's frustrations or these frustrations will affect our ability to value and celebrate people...the author points out that if impatience is a problem for you in your home culture, then you will definitely have your patience tested in a cross-cultural situation...he goes on to suggest a few ways to cope...without having strategies to cope with the frustrations, he points out that negative emotions will build and people will sense rejection from you, which can have the effect of damaging your ministry...

          a) become a people watcher - it can be both intriguing and informational
                 -after observing people, try to name the values you see them living out
          b) carry reading material
          c) take Scripture memory cards with you
          d) start a conversation with someone who does not appear to be too busy
          e) do light aerobics or stretching exercises if possible

3) Ethnocentrism - defined as "the tendency of every person to believe that their own cultural values and traditions are superior to those of other cultures". Ethnocentrism can be an unconscious hindrance in communicating acceptance...and the more the other culture is different than mine, the more I am inclined to make unfavorable judgments. Ethnocentrism exists in every culture, but the author points out that perhaps Americans reveal their ethnocentrism more quickly and assertively because they are more direct and forthright with their thoughts and opinions...perhaps for this reason many people from other cultures perceive Americans to be arrogant and controlling...Americans are usually quick to identify a problem, offer a solution and then get on with fixing it...what is seen as virtues in the American culture can be perceived as aggressive and paternalistic in other, making them feel inferior, weak, defective or disrespected...as a result making the good we intend not be seen as 'good' and the blessing we try to give from acceptance not felt.

One of the typical American responses is to ask "Why didn't they tell us? They should say something if we aren't doing it right." Many times, people from other cultures are 'saying something' loudly and clearly for their culture...we Americans just can't hear them because of our cultural tradition of speaking more openly and directly. People from other cultures may use nonverbal communication or tell stories to communicate their attitude or opinion on a matter...it is important to learn how people from the local culture communicate so that you can gain insight into their culture and grow in sensitivity and understanding.

4) Category Width - we all have categories by which we organize the world, make decisions and avoid confusion...these categories help us distinguish between things, such as trucks and chipmunks, telephones and golf balls, people and light bulbs...we name everything around us and those names become the categories by which we think...a person with wider categories can accept a broader range of items in a category and a person with narrower categories would rather create a new category than expand an existing one.

In a cross-cultural situation, the person with wider categories might put more things in the "cultural differences" category wheras a person with more narrow categories might not be inclined to stretch the existing categories and instead put many of the differences into the 'wrong' category...the person with narrow categories has tighter definitions of 'right', 'wrong' and 'different'...this can cause a lot of conflict between missionaries themselves and between missionaries and nationals...

Both types of people have wonderful strengths...however, the author points out that people with more narrow categories has some tendencies that could hinder relationships because "they tend to be more ethnocentric, more reactionary and seek less information before forming judgments". People with wider categories tend to look for more information before making judgments and are more likely to put cultural differences into a 'neutral' category before placing it into the 'wrong' category...it is important, then, for some of us to use more caution before making a judgment just so that we can avoid acting or thinking in ways that would be unfair to local people.

5) Dogmatism - refers to "the degree of rigidity with which we hold our beliefs, our cultural traditions, our personal perferences"...the person that holds very firmly to their own beliefs and traditions tends to see differences as things that are wrong and inferior and that need to be corrected...such a person lacks "openness in communication because of rigid boundaries of belief or practice...in a culture." Some things require dogmatism, it's true, especially when we have confidence in the Bible...but we should not be dogmatic about all things...it is important to recognize that there is a subtle tendency in all of us to believe that all of my cultural traditions and beliefs are best and that can cause us to slide into judging others from the perspective of our own culture and our own personal and theological views...

Acceptance over Evaluation

The author points out that social research indicates that the most frequent response that Americans make to a situation is to evaluate what they just saw or heard as 'right' or 'wrong', 'good' or 'bad'...usually the standard for such a judgment is how similar or dissimilar it is to me and my beliefs...we often use ourselves as the norm by which to measure others...if they measure up, we can accept them, but if not, we try to change them (one form of rejection) or distance ourselves from them (another form of rejection).

It's a good idea to monitor our thoughts and words to see how often we use evaluative language with those around us...the author throws out a few examples: "I like or dislike; I approve or disapprove; I am drawn toward or shun; this is right or wrong; it's acceptable or unacceptable, cool or uncool, nice or mean, attractive or unfavorable." Rather than defaulting to evaluative thoughts and words, it is good to try to affirm, describe, inquire or express empathy instead...

The author uses a quote by anthropologists Sherwood Lingenfelter and Marvin Mayers speaking of the cross-cultural context: "One of the biggest problems...is that we often insist that others think and judge in the same way we do. We do not accept one another in love, but rather we try to remake those around us into our own image."

That inclination to remake others in our own image is called 'cultural cloning'...people end up looking more like us than like Christ...but the acceptance of people in their own cultural traditions helps us move from cultural cloning to discipling into the image of Christ...true servanthood means helping people look more like Christ, not more like us...

Chicka Chicka Boom Boom

2010-09-14T13:09:00.000-06:00

We are up to our eyeballs in homeschooling here...we're still getting used to our schedule and routines, but we're getting there. I ordered the Letter of the Week curriculum from Confessions of a Homeschooler to do with Jojo and Jkaile together. While I'm not doing the entire curriculum with them, I'm using a lot of the print-outs and ideas. One idea that I loved was to use the book Chicka Chicka Boom Boom and make your own palm tree to put the letters on each week. I found the book at the library last week and I think that we'll just have to invest in one of our own because Jkaile absolutely loves this book. I don't think he'll be wanting to take it back!

So here is my 'designer' version of the Chicka Tree...it

turned out a lot better than I'd imagined! Scrapbooking paper

just makes everything better...each of the pieces are individually

backed with magnets so they can be rearranged.

Isn't that a happy grin?!

It would probably be a good idea to line the rest of the letters

with cardstock or cardboard, though, since it

appears they will be handled a lot!

Acceptance: Communicating Respect for Others-Part I

2010-09-13T14:17:00.000-06:00

Acceptance: The Second Step of the Pilgrimage*
Links for previous posts in this series here and here...

Acceptance and rejection are among the most powerful behaviors known to man...how many of your devastating life experiences come from feeling rejected--no longer accepted? And how many of your cherished experiences come as a result of feeling completely accepted--one of the group, trusted, secure, respected, wanted, valued, desired. Life feels good when we feel accepted.

Acceptance is defined as the ability to communicate value, worth and esteem to another person.

Four Major Points regarding Acceptance:

1) Acceptance begins with God.

Romans 15:7..."Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God."

Jesus took the initiative in accepting me; he took the first big step toward establishing the relationship with me
He accepted me without any conditions, not based on my performance; in spite of my sin and weaknesses, he accepted me just as I was
His acceptance of me is forever, no termination point
Because he accepts me, I am secure, no fear of exclusion or dismissal
He sees me as a person, without ethnicity, gender, nationality or social status labels
He valued me enough to give up his life; accepting me cost him dearly
"While we were still sinners, Christ died for us" (Romans 5:8) expressses God's profound acceptance of us, the degree to which he valued us, and his desire for a relationship with us

2) The second major point is that we are to "accept one another" with the standard being "as Christ accepted you." With this standard in mind, accepting one another will look like this...

We are to take the initiative in showing acceptance toward others, making them feel valued and respected
We unconditiaonlly accept others without considering their external features, lifestyle, decisions, habits and so forth (acceptance does not equal approval)
We do not have the option of rejecting any person, though we may, in a culturally appropriate way, address behaviors that the Bible clearly declares as sinful
We are to avoid dehumanizing behaviors such as threats, intimidations, power-plays and other ungodly forms of manipulation
We accept people, period. Like Jesus, we must reject labels such as race, generation and gender as defective guides for how to treat another human being
We expect that accepting others in these ways may cost us dearly

3) The third major point "connects acceptance of others with the glory of God. Something amazing happens when the people of God become accepting people. It reveals the glory of God. Here is the lesson for all who work cross-culturally and belong to Christ. Accepting one another may be among the most powerful acts of love we can offer to each other because it promotes oneness. Oneness in Christ is so wonderful that the natural expression is to sing the praises of God. The world notices the healing love and wholeness of the body and sees a great and mighty God. They see his glory."

4) The fourth major point is that accepting each other promotes the mission of God...when we accept one another in spite of our differences, it promotes unity in the body of Christ. This unity reveals the glory of God and the power of his love...if Satan can create dissension among Christians, then they will not be able to accomplish much of significance...therefore, accepting each other becomes "absolutely central to the mission God has given us!"

*Notes for this post taken from the book Cross-Cultural Servanthood: Serving the World in Christlike Humility by Duane Elmer.

Fun at the Farm

2010-09-10T15:10:00.000-06:00

We had a great time at the farm!

Lots of family, food (too much food, in fact!), fun...the biggest attraction

was definitely the creek and fortunately the weather cooperated

...wasn't too hot or too cool...

Every time we go, we build a dam in the creek for fun...

Jkaile is pointing to where they threw the snake that the boys killed...

One of the most fun things to do at the creek is

to catch crawdads...

Grammy was surprised to find out that her white colander

was actually the main crawdad-catcher

in her absence...she's been using it in the kitchen

since she got back home from Colombia! oops.

Jkaile spent hours wading and splashing...

Gracia didn't spend as much time at the creek

as the boys, but she did her fair share.

Micah the Model

My sister Liz, my Aunt Helen (my dad's sister), and me

Relaxing in the hammock...Miguel had this hammock

made for me even before we were married.

It has my name woven into it...so much fun

to get it out and use it again!

And I just had to throw in this picture of Elisa, my niece.

What a doll!

Over the Hills and Through the Woods...

2010-09-03T22:19:00.000-06:00

...to Grandmother's house we go! Literally! When we're not in the U.S. we rarely even notice when Labor Day weekend comes around, but now that we're here, I guess it is one of the bigger holiday weekends in that most people get Monday off...it's going to get a bit crazy at my Mom's house in Oklahoma with quite a bit of family descending on Mom and Papa John this weekend. It's going to be fun! We haven't seen Grammy and Papa John for over two years, so we're looking forward to it (they just returned from serving in Colombia for two years...my Mom is retiring from full-time ministry, the end of a 30+ year career). I found an old picture of the farmhouse and scanned it in. This is the house my dad built during the last couple of years before he died.

And while I was at it, I scanned in this picture, too, of my Mom and Micah and I. The staircase behind us was the last project my dad worked on...he fashioned the two main supports for the stairs from a tree from the farm property. This house holds a lot of memories for us...

Testimonies...

2010-08-31T10:49:00.000-06:00

Remember my friend Sol? It was such a blessing to spend the weekend with her on our way to Arkansas from Chihuahua. We missed Ciro and their son, Tona, since they were visiting family in Mexico that week.

Our first morning there, as Sol busied herself preparing us a hearty breakfast of huevos rancheros, she excitedly shared with us how God has been working in her life. She shared how God had released her from her hatred and resentment for her father and I listened with tears running down my cheeks of how she had led him to the Lord once God had changed her heart and attitude towards him. I felt extremely humbled to have been used by God in Sol's life and to hear of yet one more person that had been changed because of her testimony. I don't know how many people Sol has brought to the feet of Jesus, seems like every time I talk to her, she speaks of yet another friend or family member that has been saved because of her testimony. I guess when God changes people's lives in such a drastic way, people take notice!

Sol still has struggles in her life and areas that she acknowledges that are challenging her, but I could sense a peace about her that she didn't have before. I wish we lived closer so we could visit more often (besides, she's a really awesome cook and she made us not one, but two different types of flan!).

Sol and I...

Miguel with his huevos rancheros...

An Afternoon on the Lake

2010-08-31T10:27:00.000-06:00

It's good to have a friend with a boat and

a lake nearby...

Great to feel the wind in our hair...

...even if it makes us look funny...

Raft riding...

...what a blast!

Miguel enjoyed a turn at the wheel...

When I posted some of these pictures on Facebook, a friend asked about pictures of me from this day...yeah. right. Pictures of me in my bathing suit? Don't think so...

Miguel at Work

2010-08-29T16:08:00.000-06:00

We arrived on a Monday night and Miguel was working by Thursday...if you know Miguel, you that's pretty much par for the course...he's a hard-workin' man! The reason he had a job so quickly is that our church hired him to work with the Buildings and Grounds dept. (a job he's had before); we were very thankful that they had an opening for him. It's a long commute, he has to walk all the way over to the other side of the campus to get his gear (and coffee, because there's no way I'm up before he leaves at 6 a.m., sorry). I've been able to snap a few pictures of him when he's come to work around the Village.

As you can see, there's a LOT of grass to be mowed around here...

I think the guys secretly have a lot of fun on those lawn mowers...

We're still tired, though, and we can tell

because this is what happens when we

stop to take a load off of our feet...

On The Other Side

2010-08-20T10:29:00.000-06:00

In northern Mexico, one of the ways they refer to the United States is as 'el otro lado', literally 'the other side'. Say, for example, you show a friend something you brought with you from back home and they ask where you bought it, so you tell them "el otro lado", in the U.S. Or you say someone is coming from el otro lado, meaning they are coming in to Mexico from the U.S.

We are now in el otro lado, literally and figuratively. After a very interesting trip from Chihuahua to Arkansas, we're getting settled into our little house in the Village, the missionary housing provided for us by our home church here. I cannot tell you how refreshing and relaxing it is for us to be here in this haven of rest...to be able to walk in the door with only a few personal things and have a fully furnished and beautifully decorated home waiting for you! And not only that, but the grounds are beautiful, too...the Village is not only a peaceful place of rest for Miguel and I, but a very safe place for our kids to play as well.

Our house in the Village.

We're on the other side of our goodbyes and the journey, too, and I can tell that we're still recovering and processing everything from the last few weeks...the kids, too, are struggling to adjust. While they are excited to be here and have other missionary kids and friends to play with, they are cranky and crabby (join the club, lol). Jkaile, especially, has been affected by this move since our apartment in Mexico was the only home he can remember.

As far as our actual trip to el otro lado, I would probably rank it as the worst travel experience we've ever had. Yeah. One of the reasons I'm just so glad to be here! It took us way longer to pack up the van and trailer than we expected, so we got a late start out of Chihuahua at 3 p.m. We decided to go ahead and leave, however, since we figured we'd either drive through the night or just find a hotel along the way. Since the plan was to spend the weekend with my friend Sol (her husband Ciro and son Toñito were in Mexico visiting family) in College Station, Texas, we knew we had a long way to go.

After saying goodbye to our dear friends John and Maria (tears flowed there...well, at least for Maria and I...I think John and Miguel probably kept a stiff upper lip...) who had so graciously opened their home to us for our last two weeks in Mexico, we took off for the border. Miguel was able to cancel our visas and car permit without all of us getting out of the van, so that was nice. On the U.S. side, however, security was tight and they pulled us over for an inspection. They let us go rather quickly, though, so I guess we convinced them of our innocence. :)

Other than Miguel missing a turn-off and making a long detour due to the fact that his navigator was sleeping, the trip proceeded rather smoothly until about 1 a.m. when we got pulled over by a city policeman in a little Texas town. He pulled us over to let us know that the lights on our trailer weren't working, but he also wanted to see license and proof of insurance as well as my driver's license. This is when we found out we didn't have proof of insurance (we knew we had insurance, just couldn't find the proof). Fortunately, he was a kind policeman, didn't give us a ticket or make a fuss about the insurance and after telling us we needed to fix the lights, went off into the night.

Miguel fiddled with the lights for a while and they finally came back on, so it must have just been some loose wiring. Since he noticed that one of the trailer tires was a bit low on air, we decided to go back into town to inflate it a bit more. On the way back out of town, we got pulled over a second time by a state trooper in the exact same spot as the first time we got pulled over! This time, he said he stopped us because he couldn't see our trailer's license plate because the tarp was covering it a bit. Again, license and proof of insurance please...and we were like, um....and once again, we were treated with mercy and he let us go with just a citation and an admonishment to get the proof of insurance as soon as we could. While the state trooper had us pulled over, we overheard a few things on the radio that made us think that security was a bit tight in the area due to the situation with illegal immigrants, so we think that's probably what was going on there...they were probably stopping any suspicious-looking vehicles or ones with out-of-state license plates, which would explain why they weren't so concerned about the insurance papers.

Because of the border crossing and the time lost in the detour and with the lights/getting pulled over, we really lost a lot of time. Once we got up to the interstate where we would turn east, both Miguel and I were so tired that we just pulled over into a rest area behind a bunch of trucks, locked the doors and slept for a couple of hours! When we woke up, we went not-so-merrily on our way because we were just so zonked. I drove for as long as I could to let Miguel sleep more and then Miguel took over again. As the day went on, we felt a bit better and were able to enjoy the beautiful sights of central Texas...there are some really cute little towns there that would be so much fun to explore...such as the German-Texan town of Fredericksburg.

Anyway, about 30 minutes out from College Station, we stopped at a gas station to call Sol and get directions to her house. She was excited to hear from us, but then I had to call her right back to let her know we'd be delayed even more because Miguel had noticed a major problem with one of the trailer tires...it was terribly deformed and literally about to fall off because all the ball bearings had melted! yikes. We were so very thankful to be at a gas station, have a place for the kids and I to sit inside out of the 105 degree heat (even though the lady attending the station was unfortunately less than gracious), and that there was a Tractor Supply Co. literally across the street where Miguel could buy all the parts he needed to replace the tire and tire mount. He also talked with a Mexican guy who happened to be there who called a friend of his to come help Miguel fix the tire more quickly than Miguel could have done it on his own...the compadre system at work there. :)

So by the time we made it to Sol's house, we'd been on the road for 26 hours and were completely and utterly wiped out! While we had an excellent time at Sol's house and it was great to catch up with their lives, I started realizing that I was getting a stomach something. I am pretty sure it was not a flu, but more like amoebic dysentery or some such thing I'd picked up somewhere along the way. My stomach was cramping and I kept having to run to the bathroom every hour or so...not good while traveling. Sol had the right medicine, though, so Sunday night I began that treatment and felt better within about six hours...which was good because I was beginning to wonder if we'd be able to leave that next day after all!

Monday morning, after a good Mexican breakfast, we said our goodbyes to Sol and headed out. There really are no good ways to get to Northwest Arkansas from College Station, so we mapped out what we felt would be the best route on secondary roads even though it would probably take us a bit longer. Everything went well until after lunch when Jojo began throwing up. I felt bad because about all we could do was provide a container for him and just keep going. He didn't complain a lot and we just kept stopping to empty the container...poor guy. Nothing like feeling so sick on the road...

Then about 3 p.m. in a town in northeast Texas, we lost the other tire...we were literally riding on the rim and left some nice grooves in the highway for a while. Miguel had a spare and he and Micah worked to get that tire on so we could go look for a place to buy a new one.

Again, God was good and there was a Tractor Supply Co. just a quarter of a mile back down the highway! It didn't take long for Miguel to get the new tire on while the rest of us hung out in the air conditioning of Home Depot (which would also probably sold the right tires, too) and then we were back on the road. We really enjoyed the scenery on the back roads of eastern Oklahoma, but Miguel was pretty stressed at the thought of losing another tire...once it was dark, he kept looking in the mirrors for signs of sparks! But we made it to Rogers with no more tire troubles...I think we pulled in here around 11:30 p.m. that night. We were greeted by some welcome signs from our friends, the Rasicos, another missionary family we know who are living here at the Village.

Nothing like a warm welcome to make

us feel at home!

So we've been working at getting settled in and getting better...Jojo was sick for the first couple of days we were back and now Gracia and Jkaile might be getting it, too (although I hope not!). I felt pretty badly, too, with my stomach thing, but am gradually getting better now that the medicine is really taking effect. We've been able to see a few friends so far and that's been good. Once we're better, I'm sure we'll be able to get out more. I will also start homeschooling in a couple of weeks, so need to get organized for that...in the meantime, I'm working on helping the kids learn how to live in this house and set up the daily routines before we tackle school.

I think my final thoughts on this trip, though, are that in spite of it being our 'worst' travel experience ever in terms of sickness, length, problems, etc. it was actually one of the best because I did not freak out. I was calm, rational, did not say "I told you so" (not even ONCE), in control of my emotions (okay, well, there were a couple of times...), and had peace that God would take care of us no matter what happened. I have such a thankful heart for the way God is working in me because it made it such a better experience than it would have been if I'd just totally flipped every time something else happened. So neat to see how God continues to work and how much these changes in me have such a positive effect on my family.

Has Anyone Seen my Shoes?

2010-08-08T08:21:00.000-06:00

I would really love to write another post about culture stuff, but I can't find my books.

I would also love to wear my nice shoes to church this morning since they will be calling us to the front to pray over our family, but I can't find the box with the rest of my shoes.

I also can't find the lid to my water bottle, my other bag of coffee beans, or my good pair of fingernail clippers. Amazing how we take fingernail clippers for granted...

I also need to sort clothes, clean this house, finish packing...but I think I'm too tired. I need a moving fairy, I think.

Well, I'm off to get ready for church and then another despedida (going away party) this afternoon with our small group from church. The fun never ends!

Last Week in Mexico

2010-08-05T21:45:00.000-06:00

It's hard to get my head around it, but this is our last week in Mexico. We will probably be leaving here next Thursday or Friday and my heart is a jumble of emotions...goodbyes are hard, especially when I feel like I'm just beginning to make some really good connections at our local church. There is always Facebook and phone calls, but it's not the same as hanging out over a cup of coffee.

We're completely moved out of our apartment and staying with some missionary friends who have five kids and big house. Between us, there are 10 kids, four dogs, one cat, two fish, and one parakeet who has had his routine severely disrupted because we're staying in his room. lol JD has actually not spent too much time with us here since he's been working with a friend, so it's mostly been the 10 and under crowd occupying the house.

Last week was a long week...on the second day of moving, Miguel kicked the kids and I out of the house because neither of us could work well with the kids underfoot and unpacking things we were trying hard to pack. And as luck would have it, it rained all. week. long. Remind me to avoid moving in August in Chihuahua next time! Miguel and the guys had to keep changing moving plans to avoid the downpours and the laundry piled up ever so quickly. But we got things done and we're moved and that's that.

Except now, I've crashed. Bottomed out. Reached my limit. I guess it's to be expected after the big push of last week when Miguel and could scarcely snatch a hurried kiss on the cheek, much less an emotional connection or time in the Word. This home has been a refuge for me and for that I'm grateful or I'm afraid the crash would have been worse. So while I can't necessarily just cancel everything on my plate at this point, I am taking time to recharge, refresh and get ready for what's next.

Now we have the goodbyes to look forward to, or not look forward to, rather. I would much prefer to say au revoir...we shall meet again. I hate goodbyes, would much rather just duck out in the middle of the night and not have to look into the eyes of my friends and see their pain or feel mine. It's hard for those outside the missionary life to understand what it's like to have a calling from God that takes one away from dear friends...and yet one day I hope to see them in a place where we'll never have to say goodbye again. Okay, it's late, I'm tired and now I'm just getting mushy.

Anyway, I perk up a little when I think of the hellos on the other side of those dreaded goodbyes...hello to friends back home, one of our home churches, sisters, my Mom and stepdad who are retiring to the family farm this month, humidity...we also have received word that there has been a cancellation at our church's missionary housing giving us a place to stay from the time we arrive through March of next year if we need it! Furthermore, they have a second vehicle available for us to use...so many blessings as we see God provide!

Okay, gotta run and tuck in some boys who need their mommy to pray with them. Good night and God bless!

Aguirre Family Ministry Update

2010-07-24T08:18:00.000-06:00

I was reading this morning from Romans chapter 4, where Paul is talking about Abraham's faith and belief in God...

Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed and so became the father of many nations, just as it had been said to him, "So shall your offspring be." Without weakening in his faith, he faced the fact that his body was as good as dead-since he was about a hundred years old-and that Sarah's womb was also dead.

Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised. This is why it was credited to him as righteousness. Romans 4:18-22

I've always thought that I'd love to have that kind of faith and unwavering trust in God. I realized this morning that maybe I have...at least a tiny bit of it anyway. And while I am not sure that I would presume to think that my faith quite measures up to Abraham's, maybe it doesn't need to. Jesus said that faith the size of a mustard seed is enough to move mountains...so maybe my baby steps towards an Abraham-sized faith is right where God wants me for now.

I wrote a few weeks ago about our ministry and the upheaval we're going through this summer....there's still so much uncertainty in our situation. At this point, it does appear that we are packing and preparing to leave Mexico to take our ~~furlough~~ home assignment* and yet...we might actually stay, or at least come back if God changes some things. If we do leave and God shows us that we're moving on, we may or may not go to Venezuela. We may or may not move in a completely different direction and end up on a remote island in the Pacific, for all I know!

So much uncertainty and yet here I am, former uptight, I-need-to-know-NOW, controlling, worry wart of a woman exhibiting a simple, child-like trust in God that goes way way beyond anything I ever dreamed possible for myself! Not that I didn't want it, just that I didn't know how to get it. I am astonished at and ever so grateful for the changes that God has worked in me to bring me to this place of trust (because that's the only way to 'get it' anyway, I had to give up and let God do the work). For example, if we really might be led to stay in Mexico, then maybe it's not such a good idea to be selling or gifting our things, right? And yet I have complete assurance that if God moves us to stay, then He will replace the things we need when we need them and worrying about that is not something that I need to clutter up my life with right now.** There are more important things to focus on, like being cheerful and meeting my kids' needs today.

I don't know that I am actually quite sure about going to Venezuela under the present circumstances and yet I have complete peace in honoring Miguel's ministry decisions because I know that God and His Plan is in control here (Proverbs 19:21). It might sound contradictory, but I see it as choosing to step aside and let God be the one to reveal that plan as He sees fit through my husband and trust that God will work to change what is not for the best for our family (Proverbs 3:5-6). I don't have to try to convince Miguel of anything...just pray and trust and calmly share my thoughts when asked or as God leads. I couldn't do that before because I was too worried that my dear husband might make a mistake that I would have to 'suffer' for (quite humbling for me to have to admit, but yeah, that's how it was).

So this is a time when it is so obvious that God is working to change and grow us because we're ready for Him to work...it's also a time when God is using us to speak truth to others regarding some situations that we find ourselves in right now. Yes, we're struggling in some areas, haven't done everything perfectly, and yet these things are the very tools that God is using to shape, grow and mature us. It's an exciting place to be, even though the learning and growing process has been painful as we're stretched farther than we think we can go.

But this trust, this simple faith, this peace (Philippians 4:6-7) is amazing. I think I want more.

Philippians 3:7-14

*The current plan is to land in Northwest Arkansas mid-August, find a place to stay and for Miguel to work for a time as we pray and think through our options while working through the decision-making process with our home church there...

**I used to think that this sort of faith was a fluffy, too-spiritual-to-be-real sort of thing...like people who said that were just in some sort of denial or something and that sooner or later they would 'come to their senses' and realize that real life is quite different...and while I don't want to go to the extreme of being naive or unwise, what I am experiencing is something totally different and more real and healthy than my former anxious state of mind...

Happy Birthday to Jkaile!

2010-07-22T18:00:00.000-06:00

I had a lot of mixed feelings when I found out that I was expecting Jkaile...it was a difficult time in our lives and I knew that a pregnancy with all of its discomforts would most likely only complicate things. I was right...

Morning sickness hit me hard and in the middle of that, we moved from the city where we lived in Venezuela to a small town to start a new ministry. The house we lived in was very comfortable, but without a good cooling system and I struggled a lot with the heat and humidity. I got very sick that February with a bad flu and became very dehydrated without realizing it. I probably should have been hospitalized, but I refused to budge and poor Miguel had to nurse me back to health with the help of some friends.

It was during that time that I began to think that perhaps I would lose this baby...I'm not sure why I was convinced of this, but somehow I believed that since I hadn't really wanted another baby, maybe I didn't deserve to receive the blessing of another baby. Completely absurd, I know, but it was a low time in my life and I don't think that I was thinking straight. But because of that feeling, I prayed more fervently for this child than I had for the others.

Once I recovered from that illness, we had to move once again and the second house we lived in was even hotter than the first. I struggled with the heat and dehydration and exhaustion and varicose veins in an unmentionable part of my body that made life miserable. I was one grouchy momma, let me tell you! I don't like to think about that time of my life...we traveled some during the months of April and May and then in June traveled back to the states to attend a family reunion. Here's a picture of my mom and sisters and me on the last day of our family reunion...I went into labor that very night. If I look uncomfortable, I was! lol I found out that my belly was so huge because I had an incredible amount of amniotic fluid.

Jkaile was born at 3 a.m. on July 22 after a rather short labor. When he was born, the doctor noticed right away that there was a full knot in the cord and they cut it out to study it. I don't think I was quite 'with it' to realize the full implications of that knot, I was just relieved to find out that Jkaile appeared to be a normal, healthy baby.

What a cutie!

At two weeks of age, I took Jkaile in to the dr. for the normal two-week check-up. The pediatrician looked him over and then just stood there holding him for a long time, looking him over. Then she kind of came to herself and handed him back to me saying that she rarely sees such a "perfect" baby. As a new mom I was flattered, of course, but also surprised by her comment because I'm sure she sees hundreds of newborns every month. I asked her about Jkaile's cord that had not yet fallen off even after 2 weeks...she said that his cord appeared to be very thick and that sometimes a thick cord takes longer to dry up and fall off. I also mentioned that he'd had a knot in his cord at birth and asked her about that. She was surprised and told me that a knot in the umbilical cord is "potentially fatal" and that what probably saved Jkaile was the fact that his cord was so thick.

And then I knew...God has a plan for every life...God protected Jkaile through all of my sickness and travels and even from the knot in his cord. That is also probably the reason I had been prompted to pray for his life and his safety all during my pregnancy. Jkaile's life is a precious gift from God that we will enjoy as long as God allows.

Jkaile at two weeks.

Jkaile and I

As Jkaile grew, I worried about a bit about his development, wondering if there had been any adverse effects from a possible lack of oxygen due to the knot in his cord, but it has become quite obvious to us that the exact opposite is true. Not only is Jkaile a normal, healthy child, he is also demonstrating a higher intelligence than any of our other kids at this age! Some friends who are highly educated in the areas of education and psychology who teach him in Sunday School have actually encouraged me to think of him as a special needs child because of his high intelligence (in other words, I need to keep him busy and challenged or suffer the consequences!). No, he probably won't be one of those twelve year olds who graduate from college, but it's obvious that he is pretty smart.

So Happy Birthday Jkaile! I'm so glad that you are part of this family! Love you lots, Mom

Jkaile, July 2010

Pancakes

2010-07-20T20:15:00.000-06:00

Pancakes...one of our favorite meals! Jkaile loves to help in the kitchen and as soon as he sees me standing at the counter with a mixing bowl, he comes running...literally! I recently started letting him help me with the pancakes...I pour the batter and flip and then he gets to take them off the griddle and put them on the plate. At first I was afraid he'd burn himself, but so far he's been careful. Micah enjoys helping, too, although he's already learned how to pour and flip.

Banana pancakes (which explains why they are lumpy, lol)

Some days I wish I had four arms!

This morning we made pancakes with faces.

Jkaile liked the sad faces the best...

Future chefs at work....

Pigs in a Blanket

2010-07-20T16:19:00.000-06:00

This is how I get help to make supper!

A glorious mess...

We had to get a bit creative to find

enough rolling pins...

Gracia girl...

Since Micah is old enough to be able handle the oven,

I hardly had to do a thing.

Yummy!

...especially with ketchup.

My Friend Sol

2010-07-16T11:42:00.000-06:00

I first met my friend Sol on the sidewalk by the parking lot of the married housing at the University of Arkansas. Miguel and I were moving to Arkansas to be closer to his job and I was transferring to the U of A. My Mom, younger sister and I were struggling to carry our king-size mattress into our apartment. Sol stopped to offer her help in broken English. Recognizing Sol for a Spanish speaker, my Mom stopped to talk to her.

The expression on Sol's face changed from one of cautiousness to joyful radiance that we spoke her language. I would like to say that I stopped what I was doing to take the time to properly greet and show openness to Sol, but I let my Mom do that. Of course I should have known better, but after briefly acknowledging her existence, I, the task-oriented Westerner, continued working on the job at hand...unloading the truck. After Mom and Sol were done talking, we all worked to wrestle the mattress and box springs into our tiny on-campus apartment and thanked Sol for her help.

Turns out Sol and her family occupied the apartment right next to us...a divine appointment. After a few weeks, we began slowly getting to know our new neighbors...Ciro, Sol's husband, and Sol were from Mexico and seemed open to friendship. Miguel and I agreed to pursue a friendship with them with the idea of eventually offering to have a Bible study with them. So we intentionally befriended them even though it was hard...we didn't know the Mexican culture very well and we sensed strong tensions in the home, at times even oppression.

After about a year of working to gain their confidence, we tentatively offered the Bible study and they accepted. We found out later that they had already rejected the Catholic faith because it had not served their needs and they were openly searching for truth. I began a Bible study with Sol and Miguel started with Ciro, both of us using the chronological method, but separately. Looking back now, I realize we had little idea of what we were doing, but we blundered through by the grace of God. Little by little Sol opened up more and more to me as confidence and trust grew in the relationship. Eventually, we found out that they did have serious family and marriage issues and that demonic oppression was a part of their lives. I know that God works miracles because both Ciro and Sol are now both fellow believers and our brother and sister in Christ.

One day, however, once Sol and I were fast friends and trust levels were high, she reminded me of that first day we met out there on the sidewalk. She told me that she knew that my Mom liked her right away, but she felt rejected by me because I did not take the time to talk to her and get to know her right there when we met.

She told me that the day she met me, she honestly thought I didn't like her because her skin was dark.

I cried.