Last weekend my Gracia girl ended up with a straddle injury from jumping onto her bicycle seat a little too quickly and I was afraid we'd have to take her to the hospital to get a catheter or something because she could barely bring herself to pee because of the pain. I felt so badly and so helpless to help her. Maybe it wasn't the best decision, but I decided to deal with it at home instead of taking her to the doctor and subjecting her to the process of getting examined by a stranger.
We made it through one night and another day, but then the next night she woke me up from a pretty deep sleep twice complaining of a tummy ache. I sent her back to bed both times. I know that I was half-asleep and pretty out of it, but even so I recognized that I was pushing her away because I just didn't want to deal with it. I didn't know what to do, so I chose to do nothing. I felt the pricking of my conscience and recognition of my dysfunction, the way I sometimes push my kids away when I don't know how to deal with their pain. Even in my stupor, I knew that it was wrong.
I prayed. I told God that I didn't want to get up at 1 o'clock in the morning when I was so dead tired and that I didn't know what to do to comfort my daughter. I think I asked Him what to do. And He answered. I felt it very strong in my spirit (or wherever it is that God speaks to us) 'go to her'...I think I reminded God that I didn't really want to and I heard it again...'Go to her. Don't leave her alone when she is hurting.' So I got up and I went to her where she was laying on the couch and we sat together while she moaned in discomfort. I helped keep her hair out of her face while she threw up and I helped her clean it all up. And I held her and I tucked her back into bed where she slept for the rest of the night and I am so grateful for God's gentle voice that is teaching me how to be the mother I need to be. I am grateful that I am coming to the place where I can hear that voice because I'm pretty sure it's been there all along, waiting for me to listen.
The next day I didn't feel so well myself and it was Columbus Day anyway, so we took the day off school. I determined to make caring for Gracia my priority that day and so we spent hours sitting together on the couch where I helped her keep a frozen water bottle on her injury and got her to drink two glasses of ice tea so that she would not get dehydrated. I went to the bathroom with her and comforted her through the pain of going potty. It helped and she got better that day. To tell the truth, I got better that day, too.