Aguirre Family Ministry Update

I was reading this morning from Romans chapter 4, where Paul is talking about Abraham's faith and belief in God...

Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed and so became the father of many nations, just as it had been said to him, "So shall your offspring be."  Without weakening in his faith, he faced the fact that his body was as good as dead-since he was about a hundred years old-and that Sarah's womb was also dead.

Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised.  This is why it was credited to him as righteousness.  Romans 4:18-22

I've always thought that I'd love to have that kind of faith and unwavering trust in God.  I realized this morning that maybe I have...at least a tiny bit of it anyway.  And while I am not sure that I would presume to think that my faith quite measures up to Abraham's, maybe it doesn't need to.  Jesus said that faith the size of a mustard seed is enough to move mountains...so maybe my baby steps towards an Abraham-sized faith is right where God wants me for now.

I wrote a few weeks ago about our ministry and the upheaval we're going through this summer....there's still so much uncertainty in our situation.  At this point, it does appear that we are packing and preparing to leave Mexico to take our furlough home assignment* and yet...we might actually stay, or at least come back if God changes some things.  If we do leave and God shows us that we're moving on, we may or may not go to Venezuela.  We may or may not move in a completely different direction and end up on a remote island in the Pacific, for all I know!

So much uncertainty and yet here I am, former uptight, I-need-to-know-NOW, controlling, worry wart of a woman exhibiting a simple, child-like trust in God that goes way way beyond anything I ever dreamed possible for myself!  Not that I didn't want it, just that I didn't know how to get it.  I am astonished at and ever so grateful for the changes that God has worked in me to bring me to this place of trust (because that's the only way to 'get it' anyway, I had to give up and let God do the work).  For example, if we really might be led to stay in Mexico, then maybe it's not such a good idea to be selling or gifting our things, right?  And yet I have complete assurance that if God moves us to stay, then He will replace the things we need when we need them and worrying about that is not something that I need to clutter up my life with right now.**  There are more important things to focus on, like being cheerful and meeting my kids' needs today.

I don't know that I am actually quite sure about going to Venezuela under the present circumstances and yet I have complete peace in honoring Miguel's ministry decisions because I know that God and His Plan is in control here (Proverbs 19:21).  It might sound contradictory, but I see it as choosing to step aside and let God be the one to reveal that plan as He sees fit through my husband and trust that God will work to change what is not for the best for our family (Proverbs 3:5-6).  I don't have to try to convince Miguel of anything...just pray and trust and calmly share my thoughts when asked or as God leads.  I couldn't do that before because I was too worried that my dear husband might make a mistake that I would have to 'suffer' for (quite humbling for me to have to admit, but yeah, that's how it was).

So this is a time when it is so obvious that God is working to change and grow us because we're ready for Him to work...it's also a time when God is using us to speak truth to others regarding some situations that we find ourselves in right now.  Yes, we're struggling in some areas, haven't done everything perfectly, and yet these things are the very tools that God is using to shape, grow and mature us.  It's an exciting place to be, even though the learning and growing process has been painful as we're stretched farther than we think we can go.

But this trust, this simple faith, this peace (Philippians 4:6-7) is amazing.  I think I want more.

Philippians 3:7-14

*The current plan is to land in Northwest Arkansas mid-August, find a place to stay and for Miguel to work for a time as we pray and think through our options while working through the decision-making process with our home church there...

**I used to think that this sort of faith was a fluffy, too-spiritual-to-be-real sort of thing...like people who said that were just in some sort of denial or something and that sooner or later they would 'come to their senses' and realize that real life is quite different...and while I don't want to go to the extreme of being naive or unwise, what I am experiencing is something totally different and more real and healthy than my former anxious state of mind... 

Whisperings

Do you enjoy piano music?

Then you should really check out Whisperings-Solo Piano Radio. I stumbled across it over the weekend and have been listening to it whenever I can.

It's one of the only types of music that I can leave on in the background without it just adding to the general chaos and mayhem...no, our house isn't THAT bad, but our living room is rather echoey (I think I just made up a new word). When you get people (children) talking (and playing/goofing off/chattering), the parakeets chirping, and loud, exuberant music...well, I tend to begin feeling the tension rise and my eyes going cross-eyed...

Whisperings is gentle, peaceful music that is speaking to my soul.

And it's free! What more could you ask? :)

suffering

I think my idea of true suffering is BEING WITHOUT INTERNET ACCESS AT HOME!!!! No, seriously, that's not really true suffering, of course, but it doesn't feel very good either! :( I feel like I was really on a roll, here, staying on top of my writing and emails, Facebook, etc. and now look, I haven't written here for a couple of weeks. sigh. Oh well. It drives me crazy, though, because when I don't write, I tend to lay awake at night writing in my head, which is quite irritating seeing as how I need all the sleep I can get these days!!! So I decided to just start writing anyway and I'll post it when I can....

We tried to have a landline installed, but had some setbacks and then a runaround from the phone company (they orginally said that there WAS high-speed Internet access available and then at the last minute said, no, there is just dial-up and we don't want THAT!). I don't know what we'll do for phone and Internet, but for the moment, we're still just connecting with the wi-fi wherever we can.

Okay, well, so it's been a crazy couple of weeks! For one thing, getting moved and settled in to the new house...Miguel had one day to rest after getting back from Mexico and then we started packing, so he started off tired! Then the week after we moved, I started taking 3 classes a week offered at our church (just for the month of April). I didn't think it would be that heavy a load, but I didn't anticipate being so tired from the move and then getting sick in there! The classes have been phenomenal, though, and I'm very thankful that so far I haven't missed any. I think God has been sending me resources, books, classes, Godly people, etc. all into my life during this time to heal me, build me up, and prepare me for future ministry.

One of the classes that I'm taking is called Interrupted Expectations. It's about the adjustments (usually negative) that we experience in life and the losses that we experience as a result. Losses can be physical/material (loss of things or familiar surroundings), relational (death, divorce, separation, conflict), or even emotional (loss of identity, role at home or in our jobs). As I wrote out my "Life Loss Resumé" I discovered that there had been losses in my life that I have never really taken into account or grieved over. And not grieving losses has the potential for leaving one "stuck" emotionally, not able to grow, mature, heal, and move on.

I think one of the most impactful topics we discussed during this class so far has been that the loss of our identity is one of the major losses in life. And it's interesting, because as it turns out, that usually happens because we wrap our identity up in something that can change or be lost! (in other words, it's our own fault!) At one point in the class, the teacher had us turn to the person next to us and describe who we are WITHOUT mentioning our role at home (mother/wife) or our job (missionary). It was really HARD! I was left with "extroverted female child of God"!!! LOL But it was a very important moment for me as I realized how much I DO tend to base my identity in what I do and where I live instead of only in Christ!!!! What I do and where I live may change, but Christ is the same yesterday, today, and for eternity and is the ONLY solid foundation for who I am.

So then came the AHA! moment for me...perhaps one (THE?) reason that I have been so obsessed and anxious about our ministry decision is because my identity has been feeling "threatened" by the possibility of Miguel making a "wrong" decision?! (can you see the control issues there?!) I think I was able to take a step back and see that my identity in Christ will be the same no matter where we are ministering and no matter what we are doing. That was very freeing for me and seems to have been a major paradigm shift in my view of life. And it's funny, nothing has changed; I still don't know where God is leading us, but I have peace and can rest in the knowledge that He is working in our lives and that He will lead...it's such a wonderful feeling!