Thanksgiving 2012

It seems like just a few short weeks ago that we celebrated Thanksgiving 2011 and here we are again just having celebrated Thanksgiving 2012! Reading over my post about Thanksgiving 2011 was a blessing because it reminded me that even without an oven or friends to celebrate with, it is possible to be deeply grateful for God's blessings.

This year, however, I do have an oven and I made good use of it! In fact, I have found myself baking several times a week since we moved here...I am quite happy with my new stove!

But I digress...I wasn't sure exactly how Thanksgiving 2012 would go and we'd been so busy in the weeks before that I hadn't been able to think much about it. So it was a pleasant turn of events to be invited over to our friends' and fellow missionaries' house to enjoy a Thanksgiving meal together.  Bill and Debbie are the directors of a Mexican mission agency that partners with Pioneers and some other agencies to help Mexicans connect with missions worldwide.

Their coworker Misa also joined us, which was fun because he is a great favorite with the kids!

So we got together to plan the menu and then got to work...I put together some cornbread dressing, a relish tray, rolls, pumpkin and sweet potato pies and stuffed mushrooms. Gracia made some jello. Debbie baked the turkey, green bean casserole, gravy, and three kinds of bar cookies.

The kids were so excited about Thanksgiving, especially with a real turkey (we don't usually get a turkey when outside the U.S.-it's not that turkeys aren't available in Mexico, they are just kind of expensive!) that they were up early and quite anxious for it to be time to eat...I noticed that Jojo had even gotten dressed in 'church' clothes of his own accord for the special event! It was touching to see how much they were enjoying themselves this year.

I also made a Thanksgiving tree again, although I decided to do a bit of a different model than last year. We scouted out some good twigs to make the 'tree' and used scrapbook paper circles to record our thanks. I hung them on the tree with some fishing line. I grabbed a juice pitcher and wrapped it with some pretty paper and tied some matching ribbons around it. The tree made a nice centerpiece on the table, although we had to remove it once all the food was ready and besides, someone was in danger of getting their eye poked out or something...

There were quite a few 'entries' on the tree...it's good to see a physical reminder of everything for which we are thankful. My favorite, however, was this entry by Jojo...well, that one and the mushy one Miguel wrote about being thankful for me...

Jkaile really enjoyed the mashed potatoes and gravy, but was most excited by the dessert table! And what picture wouldn't be complete without the complimentary rabbit ears...

With all that wonderful food, of course we all felt just like Micah did here...ready to crash on the couch for a while to enjoy some American football!

Giving Thanks

This hasn't been the greatest of weeks...come to think of it, hasn't been the greatest of months, to be honest with you.  The kids were sick towards the beginning of November with a stomach flu and then we had just a few healthy days before they got sick again with a respiratory infection/tonsilitis.  In the middle of that, Micah fell in the street at a friends' house and partially dislocated one of the bones in his arm at the wrist...we are very thankful that it didn't fracture, as it could have been a lot more serious than a minor dislocation.  However, he has had to keep a splint on his arm and had to quit soccer practice and I miss my noon-time dish-washer! 

As if that weren't enough, over the weekend I realized that I had a UTI that was already affecting my kidneys a little and spent most of Sunday and Monday in bed guzzling gallons of water and juice and natural remedies in an effort to avoid taking antibiotics.  By Tuesday, I was feeling much better but still not over it and I had to face the fact that I wasn't really able to plan well for Thanksgiving.  I normally would have baked some pies and cornbread dressing and perhaps a chicken or two, but not having an oven kind of put a damper on those ideas.

Wednesday found me feeling stressed and feeling...something, but I wasn't really sure.  And then it hit me, I felt sad!  My first instinct was to shut it down (old habits die hard...), but then I realized that I needed to give myself permission to be sad and I let myself grieve.  I think the depth of my grief surprised me because I hadn't sensed it before.  I grieved being so far away from family and friends on a holiday that really is all about sharing a special meal with family and friends...I also grieved not being able to provide my family with traditional favorites that we usually try to enjoy even if we're overseas.  I would have loved to have shared a meal with some of our new friends here, but grieved not being able to invite someone and then provide them with traditional Thanksgiving fare either. 

I pretty much concluded this Thanksgiving was going to be an epic fail and cried myself to sleep last night.  Some of the last words that went through my mind as I drifted off to sleep were "Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning" (Psalm 30:5b) and oh how I hoped that joy would come in the morning! 

It didn't feel like much joy had come in the morning, however, and I found my stress levels rising as I dragged myself out of bed late, prepared breakfast, dealt with our puppy who has been less than cooperative this week, and got the family up and around for the day...I found myself easily irritated and raising my tone of voice to the kids and then Miguel about things I could have communicated to him much more calmly and concisely. 

Stressing about the puppy's behavior, I began remembering what I've been learning about puppy training, how dogs can pick up on our emotions and anger/impatience/stress is perceived by dogs as weakness and then they can lose respect for their owners and begin reacting to the 'negative energy' instead of learning how to follow a confident, firm leader.  The articles I've read advise dog owners to visualize the desired positive behavior instead of focusing on the negative behavior the dog is showing so that their pet won't pick up on those negative emotions and react accordingly.  How it's important to relax and enjoy the interactions with the dog so that trust and confidence can be built into the relationship. 

Ironically, it was those puppy training techniques that got me...I began to feel convicted about the way I often  interact with my family, allowing my emotions to run amuck...I began to see how that often my 'negative energy' spills over onto everyone else (puppy included).  How I tend to maximize the negative and minimize the positive and so I tend to see my kids as bundles of failures instead of accepting them just as they are in all their potential...how I am often not relaxed enough to just enjoy my kids or my husband.  How trust and confidence struggle to grow in an environment like that.  I began to realize that something about me needs to change...a lot of change has happened in the last few years, but this is God taking it down another level...

I apologized for my behavior and that's when it happened, peace and joy returned.  Control established, relaxed and peaceful, and with renewed energy I was able to move on into my day with a new confidence that everything was going to be okay.  Things aren't perfect, but they are good and this was going to be a good day.

And it really was.  Puppy cooperated (for the most part...) and the kids and I worked on our new family tradition, a Thanksgiving tree, while Miguel was out shopping for lunch.  Then we gave thanks for home-made mashed potatoes and a roasted chicken and a cheesecake-type pie and we were more than satisfied. 

And while giving thanks, our thankfulness 'grew'.  

Counting blessings is a blessing in and of itself because there are so many to count. 

So there it is, our first Thanksgiving in Puebla. 

Women's Retreat, October 2011

I've been pondering on what to write for a few days now...not that I haven't wanted to, but honestly I've been so busy since I got back from the retreat that I have had very little time for anything else much but the basics!  What happened is that Miguel hurt his back over the weekend and has spent about three days in bed, barely able to sit up in a chair for more than a few minutes at a time.  PTL, he seems to be slowly recovering, but in the meantime, I have been running double duty!  I've even ventured out to the pharmacy and to Walmart on my own in the van...somewhat nerve-wracking, but everything went okay...I'm glad I have a large vehicle that most other vehicles respect!

So anyway, the retreat...wow, what can I say?  I believe that I witnessed God showing up in a pretty incredible way and I am so very humbled and grateful to have been a small part of that.  For one thing, the other Becky (Becky B. we called her) and I got along famously, and like I said in my previous post, we have a lot in common...but then we found out that we have even more in common than we had thought!  Which is really cool.  Here we are at church on Sunday morning...Becky B. is a singer and graced us with some awesome worship times, both at the retreat and at church here in Puebla.  

And what the two of shared and how it really complemented each other is a testimony to the work of the Holy Spirit, seeing as we did not communicate about our sessions beforehand!  But I have to admit that as I listened to Becky B. during her two sessions, I was very thankful that I went first...she would have been a hard act to follow!  She is an accomplished singer and speaker, very used to being in front of the microphone and her Spanish is simply amazing...she really is quite dynamic and had us laughing in many places, while at the same time thinking deeply about our relationship with God.  

The craft session went well, but it was hard to teach 51 ladies how to make boxes all at the same time, so we allowed for another box-making session on Saturday and I think most of the ladies who wanted to learn was able to go home with at least one pretty box plus their model box.  Here are some of the crafts I made from the boxes to show the ladies...including picture frames, Christmas tree ornaments and decorated gift boxes.  The one little box I decorated with some tiny silk flowers and some scraps of ribbon.  They all turned out pretty cute!

As far as my speaking session went, I decided to be very open and transparent in an effort to encourage others to also be more open and transparent.  Speaking about roots, I took the ladies back to how our 'roots' are formed...exploring what the external influences are that are that form the 'soil' in which we grow in this life.  Our family, our culture, our spiritual experiences, our life experiences, etc. are all external influences that form thoughts and beliefs about ourselves, others and God.  These thoughts and beliefs about ourselves, others and God are hidden in the deepest places of our hearts and out of them come our emotions, our motives, our tendencies, our desires...and out of those emotions, motives, tendencies, desires, etc. come our fruit, the external evidence of what is in our hearts at both levels.  

Oftentimes, however, those thoughts and beliefs have been formed subconsciously and we do not recognize what might be driving our hearts and therefore our fruit.  The beauty of salvation is that God transplants us to a new soil, one that is firm and fertile for our new little spiritual life of a tree to grow.  God wants to give us this new environment so that we'll have new thoughts about ourselves, others and God, and new fruit-the fruit of the Spirit...but what can happen sometimes?  We continue to revert to and act on the old thoughts and beliefs about ourselves, others and God...thoughts and beliefs that don't line up with what God's Word says about us and as a result, our new little tree does not thrive and grow...we do not develop a strong spiritual root system.    

In a nutshell, that's what happened to me...for most of my life, I have operated on thoughts and beliefs about myself, others and God that were damaging and hurtful to me.  I did not see myself as having worth, as deserving of God's goodness...I did not ever feel as if I was enough or as if God were pleased with me on any given day.  I had carried those beliefs deep down inside me, never realizing that those beliefs were blocking my spiritual life...my spiritual roots could not thrive and grow deep and strong because I was operating based on the wrong 'soil', not the truth of God's Word...I was not deeply rooted in Christ's love and the knowledge of His Word.  It was as if my heart was like the seed that was thrown among the thorns...the seeds sprouted and grew, but the thorns (the worries of this life) grew up faster and higher and choked out the truth of God's Word.  

I worked very hard at the upper heart level and the fruit level to see change in my life, but it left me empty and dry and weak because I was trusting in man, trusting in myself to somehow make myself better (Jeremiah 17:5-6).  God brought me to the end of myself...a place where I had nowhere else to turn (why do some of us seem to need a harder knock on the head to see God?  Take Paul, for example...not that I equate myself with Paul, but just that some of us seem to just have a harder time finding God), a place where I was led to look deeper down inside me to peer into the depths of my innermost thoughts and beliefs...what I found didn't really surprise me because I knew those hurts were there.  What did surprise me is to find out just how much they had affected me without me realizing it.  What I had done was to deny their effects on me...everybody say it with me, de-NI-al!...and we all know that denying that something doesn't exist doesn't make it go away (try denying gravity by jumping off the roof of your house sometime...it won't be pleasant...).  

For me healing was about surrender and faith...recognizing the reality of those beliefs, surrendering them to God and believing by faith the truths from God's Word about who I am in Christ.  Change didn't happen immediately, from one moment to the next, but as I clung to God's promises and made daily choices to believe, things started to happen and my roots began sinking deeply into the soil that God had prepared for me from the beginning of time as His blessed child.  And just like Abraham, God counted my faith as righteousness (Check out Romans 4).  Those negative, damaging thoughts and beliefs were changed to ones of love and peace and joy.  And I didn't even have to work to produce it...they flowed out of a heart that was grateful for God's gift of new life in Christ.

One day I realized that my depression and insecurity were gone...I looked back and realized how far I had come...I realized that I was becoming more and more resilient as I tapped into a new source of strength and power, becoming more and more secure in my identity in Christ.  There was no more working to please God, just resting in Christ knowing that I already please Him just by existing...He delights in me just because I am...because He made me...that I am enough in Him because He is enough in me...glory be to God!  I had found my joy...the joy of the Lord is my strength...I found my life transformed into a tree planted by the water, sending out my roots to the stream...bearing fruit and having no fear of the drought or the heat (Jeremiah 17:7-8).

So that's pretty much a summary of what I shared, although with more details about some of my life experiences, some of which I've share on this blog...as I shared, I was pleased to notice that I wasn't that nervous (this from someone who used to have trouble even looking people in the eyes out of a sense of insecurity and shame!) and in fact, I rather enjoyed myself.  It felt like I was stepping into a place where I was using my gifts and abilities and while I'm sure there were things I could have done better (this was pretty much my first time sharing at a retreat/conference, so I'm sure I have much to learn), I sense this is perhaps something that God will be calling me to do more of in the future.

I will cautiously say that I believe God used what I shared in the lives of many of the ladies...several ladies shared with me the impact that my openness and transparency had on them, tears streaming down their faces as they recalled hurts from their childhood that they recognized needed healing.  I say 'cautiously', however, because sometimes it's hard to gauge the feedback here in Mexico, they could just be demonstrating politeness and appreciation at my efforts...while in reality my efforts may have been feeble!  And perhaps some of them were merely expressing that politeness, but others did seem to be quite sincere and deeply moved by what I shared.  At any rate, my speaking session was a gift to God for Him to use however He sees fit...I have chosen to focus on that truth and not obsess about whether I did a 'good job' or not.

I will leave you with some more photos of the vacation center where we spent the retreat...it was such a beautiful place and I already want to go back as a family to spend more time there.  It used to be a textile factory, which makes the architecture of the place very interesting.  My favorite picture is the one I took of the volcano Popocatepetl between the two chimneys...I wish I had taken my big camera to have gotten a better shot!  Oh well, next time...

 

On The Other Side

In northern Mexico, one of the ways they refer to the United States is as 'el otro lado', literally 'the other side'.  Say, for example, you show a friend something you brought with you from back home and they ask where you bought it, so you tell them "el otro lado", in the U.S.  Or you say someone is coming from el otro lado, meaning they are coming in to Mexico from the U.S.

We are now in el otro lado, literally and figuratively.  After a very interesting trip from Chihuahua to Arkansas, we're getting settled into our little house in the Village, the missionary housing provided for us by our home church here.  I cannot tell you how refreshing and relaxing it is for us to be here in this haven of rest...to be able to walk in the door with only a few personal things and have a fully furnished and beautifully decorated home waiting for you! And not only that, but the grounds are beautiful, too...the Village is not only a peaceful place of rest for Miguel and I, but a very safe place for our kids to play as well.  

Our house in the Village.

We're on the other side of our goodbyes and the journey, too, and I can tell that we're still recovering and processing everything from the last few weeks...the kids, too, are struggling to adjust.  While they are excited to be here and have other missionary kids and friends to play with, they are cranky and crabby (join the club, lol).  Jkaile, especially, has been affected by this move since our apartment in Mexico was the only home he can remember.

As far as our actual trip to el otro lado, I would probably rank it as the worst travel experience we've ever had.  Yeah.  One of the reasons I'm just so glad to be here!  It took us way longer to pack up the van and trailer than we expected, so we got a late start out of Chihuahua at 3 p.m.  We decided to go ahead and leave, however, since we figured we'd either drive through the night or just find a hotel along the way.  Since the plan was to spend the weekend with my friend Sol (her husband Ciro and son Toñito were in Mexico visiting family) in College Station, Texas, we knew we had a long way to go.

After saying goodbye to our dear friends John and Maria (tears flowed there...well, at least for Maria and I...I think John and Miguel probably kept a stiff upper lip...) who had so graciously opened their home to us for our last two weeks in Mexico, we took off for the border. Miguel was able to cancel our visas and car permit without all of us getting out of the van, so that was nice.  On the U.S. side, however, security was tight and they pulled us over for an inspection.  They let us go rather quickly, though, so I guess we convinced them of our innocence.  :)

Other than Miguel missing a turn-off and making a long detour due to the fact that his navigator was sleeping, the trip proceeded rather smoothly until about 1 a.m. when we got pulled over by a city policeman in a little Texas town.  He pulled us over to let us know that the lights on our trailer weren't working, but he also wanted to see license and proof of insurance as well as my driver's license.  This is when we found out we didn't have proof of insurance (we knew we had insurance, just couldn't find the proof).  Fortunately, he was a kind policeman, didn't give us a ticket or make a fuss about the insurance and after telling us we needed to fix the lights, went off into the night.

Miguel fiddled with the lights for a while and they finally came back on, so it must have just been some loose wiring. Since he noticed that one of the trailer tires was a bit low on air, we decided to go back into town to inflate it a bit more.  On the way back out of town, we got pulled over a second time by a state trooper in the exact same spot as the first time we got pulled over!  This time, he said he stopped us because he couldn't see our trailer's license plate because the tarp was covering it a bit.  Again, license and proof of insurance please...and we were like, um....and once again, we were treated with mercy and he let us go with just a citation and an admonishment to get the proof of insurance as soon as we could.  While the state trooper had us pulled over, we overheard a few things on the radio that made us think that security was a bit tight in the area due to the situation with illegal immigrants, so we think that's probably what was going on there...they were probably stopping any suspicious-looking vehicles or ones with out-of-state license plates, which would explain why they weren't so concerned about the insurance papers.

Because of the border crossing and the time lost in the detour and with the lights/getting pulled over, we really lost a lot of time.  Once we got up to the interstate where we would turn east, both Miguel and I were so tired that we just pulled over into a rest area behind a bunch of trucks, locked the doors and slept for a couple of hours!  When we woke up, we went not-so-merrily on our way because we were just so zonked.  I drove for as long as I could to let Miguel sleep more and then Miguel took over again.  As the day went on, we felt a bit better and were able to enjoy the beautiful sights of central Texas...there are some really cute little towns there that would be so much fun to explore...such as the German-Texan town of Fredericksburg.

Anyway, about 30 minutes out from College Station, we stopped at a gas station to call Sol and get directions to her house.  She was excited to hear from us, but then I had to call her right back to let her know we'd be delayed even more because Miguel had noticed a major problem with one of the trailer tires...it was terribly deformed and literally about to fall off because all the ball bearings had melted!  yikes.  We were so very thankful to be at a gas station, have a place for the kids and I to sit inside out of the 105 degree heat (even though the lady attending the station was unfortunately less than gracious), and that there was a Tractor Supply Co. literally across the street where Miguel could buy all the parts he needed to replace the tire and tire mount.  He also talked with a Mexican guy who happened to be there who called a friend of his to come help Miguel fix the tire more quickly than Miguel could have done it on his own...the compadre system at work there.  :)

So by the time we made it to Sol's house, we'd been on the road for 26 hours and were completely and utterly wiped out!  While we had an excellent time at Sol's house and it was great to catch up with their lives, I started realizing that I was getting a stomach something.  I am pretty sure it was not a flu, but more like amoebic dysentery or some such thing I'd picked up somewhere along the way.  My stomach was cramping and I kept having to run to the bathroom every hour or so...not good while traveling.  Sol had the right medicine, though, so Sunday night I began that treatment and felt better within about six hours...which was good because I was beginning to wonder if we'd be able to leave that next day after all!

Monday morning, after a good Mexican breakfast, we said our goodbyes to Sol and headed out.  There really are no good ways to get to Northwest Arkansas from College Station, so we mapped out what we felt would be the best route on secondary roads even though it would probably take us a bit longer.  Everything went well until after lunch when Jojo began throwing up.  I felt bad because about all we could do was provide a container for him and just keep going.  He didn't complain a lot and we just kept stopping to empty the container...poor guy.  Nothing like feeling so sick on the road...

Then about 3 p.m. in a town in northeast Texas, we lost the other tire...we were literally riding on the rim and left some nice grooves in the highway for a while.  Miguel had a spare and he and Micah worked to get that tire on so we could go look for a place to buy a new one.

Again, God was good and there was a Tractor Supply Co. just a quarter of a mile back down the highway!  It didn't take long for Miguel to get the new tire on while the rest of us hung out in the air conditioning of Home Depot (which would also probably sold the right tires, too) and then we were back on the road.  We really enjoyed the scenery on the back roads of eastern Oklahoma, but Miguel was pretty stressed at the thought of losing another tire...once it was dark, he kept looking in the mirrors for signs of sparks!  But we made it to Rogers with no more tire troubles...I think we pulled in here around 11:30 p.m. that night.  We were greeted by some welcome signs from our friends, the Rasicos, another missionary family we know who are living here at the Village.

Nothing like a warm welcome to make 

us feel at home!  

So we've been working at getting settled in and getting better...Jojo was sick for the first couple of days we were back and now Gracia and Jkaile might be getting it, too (although I hope not!).  I felt pretty badly, too, with my stomach thing, but am gradually getting better now that the medicine is really taking effect.  We've been able to see a few friends so far and that's been good.  Once we're better, I'm sure we'll be able to get out more.  I will also start homeschooling in a couple of weeks, so need to get organized for that...in the meantime, I'm working on helping the kids learn how to live in this house and set up the daily routines before we tackle school.

I think my final thoughts on this trip, though, are that in spite of it being our 'worst' travel experience ever in terms of sickness, length, problems, etc. it was actually one of the best because I did not freak out.  I was calm, rational, did not say "I told you so" (not even ONCE), in control of my emotions (okay, well, there were a couple of times...), and had peace that God would take care of us no matter what happened.  I have such a thankful heart for the way God is working in me because it made it such a better experience than it would have been if I'd just totally flipped every time something else happened.  So neat to see how God continues to work and how much these changes in me have such a positive effect on my family.

Crybaby

I have been struggling with a bad attitude all day.

There, I've said it. I'm a crybaby.

All I really wanted to do today was go back to bed. I don't feel that great, I'm super-tired, but probably most of all, I'm simply tired of taking care of everyone else and their needs all week...don't I deserve a break!!!???

Unfortunately, Miguel's plans for the day didn't exactly coincide with mine and it turned out that he was gone all day, and now will be out all evening as well. And I have struggled with being mad about that all day long. I knew I was being grouchy and feeling sorry for myself, but I kept hanging on to what I perceived as my 'rights'. But God kept whispering to my heart, gently drawing me away from my self-centered sinfulness towards a more godly perspective.

I began thinking about my "trash bag policy"...you see, Miguel is really good at taking out the trash for me, but not very good at replacing the bags. I often found myself angry with him for not replacing the bags instead of thankful that he had taken out the trash! So when I would notice that there were no bags in the trash cans, I would focus on the positive by lovingly thanking Miguel for taking out the trash (he quickly caught on that it usually meant that he hadn't remembered to replace the bags...it is now a family joke). A grateful and thankful heart will have no room for selfish, critical attitudes.

The honest truth is that Miguel is an amazing husband and father in so many ways, and he helps me out on a daily basis a lot more than many husbands and fathers! He deserves some fun and a day out once in a while-I should be happy for him...besides, who am I to judge whether he made the right choice by going out today? Yes, it's been a rough day, but I managed to rest a little this morning and even get a decent nap this afternoon while my 3 youngest were napping. In the end, God has given me grace to make the choice to build up my house and not tear it down.

The wise woman builds her house,

but with her own hands

the foolish one tears hers down.

Proverbs 14:1