Dreams and Weakness

I had a really terrible dream last night, the kind that wakes you up in horror and cold sweat. I dreamed that we were at someone else's house and that I found that Jkaile had fallen headfirst into a hole filled with water and that he was already dead when I pulled him out. In my dream, I just screamed and screamed...and at that point, I'm very grateful that I woke up to the realization that it was only a dream. I had disturbing dreams night before last as well...where over and over I found myself in various stages of undress in front of groups of people. :( I hate those kinds of dreams because the feelings of deep shame and embarrassment tend to carry over and plague me throughout the day.

And that got me to wondering about my dreams, because this is certainly not the first time that I've had these kinds of dreams! In fact, it seems to happen more often than not. :( I'm not one to be thinking that every dream has an interpretation, etc., but I wonder dreams are one of the Enemy's tactics to attack me when he knows that I am vulnerable? I wonder if he uses exactly these kinds of dreams because he knows that they are the kind that provoke the most negative emotions in me? I really don't know, but I would be willing to take a bet that he uses whatever he can to get me down!

So this morning, I'm taking "stock" of myself...I'm still feeling the effects of what was probably a mild case of bronchitis that I had a couple of weeks ago, so physically am still not doing so hot. Last week was hard for Miguel and I, we continue to struggle with ministry decisions and the effects it has on our relationship. We are still new to Mexico and while I believe that it's been a relatively "easy" transition (as easy as it can be, anyhow), this has still be a huge adjustment for our family. And Miguel is gone for a week to a seminar, so I am alone here with the kids. It's a struggle for me to care for them and to get enough rest so that I can be pleasant and loving and the Mom they need me to be (I confess to failing in that particular area yesterday!). And as I've thought about the past few weeks, my time with God has certainly suffered as I struggle to get into a regular routine and adjust to our new schedule.

A verse has come to mind often in the past couple of days, so I finally looked it up today so I could memorize it again...

But he said to me,

"My grace is sufficient for you,

for my power is made perfect in weakness."

Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses,

so that Christ's power may rest on me.

That is why, for Christ's sake,

I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships,

in persecutions, in difficulties.

For when I am weak,

then I am strong.

II Corinthians 12:8-10

I tend to just get really, really down on myself for my weaknesses and failures (self-contempt) and it's hard to think about delighting in them! But according to these verses, the more I recognize and admit my weaknesses, the more Christ's power can rest on me! Wow! What a comfort for me today! I so needed to hear that...