Abandoning Yourself to Holiness

During the quieter moments of this roller coaster ride, I've been pondering the following thoughts from Larry Crabb's The PAPA Prayer... 

What does it mean to abandon yourself to holiness?  ...when we come to God...wanting to see where we're wrong in the way we relate more than we want someone else to admit how they're wrong in the way they relate to us...including God.  But it goes further.  We're abandoning ourselves to holiness when we come to God wanting not only to see where we're wrong but also to claim the privilege of letting others experience how God relates to them by the way we relate to them....(in the Bible) we're being told to abandon ourselves to holiness, to share in the way God relates, with radical other-centeredness, with terrible sacrifice, with humble love...

But we'll never even come close to God's example of love until we clearly understand that sin is relational...relational sin is anything we do for the primary purpose of getting something for ourselves...that means that the primary thought behind everything we do is to trust Him with our deepest needs and longings, to bring Him pleasure by putting all our eggs in His basket, to fix our hope for everything we hold dear on who He is and what He is doing and what He will yet do...

...when you abandon yourself to holiness, you think more of how you fall short of God's holy way of relating than of how others fail you or how badly you you feel or how difficult your life may be...but your focus on your own failure does not make you hate yourself, not when you're relating to your Papa...it makes you hate your sin, not yourself...and this focus doesn't leave you discouraged and feeling heavy.  Broken, yes.  Despairing, no.  You know that purging lights up the path of holiness, the road paved by grace that leads into God's presence, into Papa's lap...

Small Gifts

She shyly sidles up
to me with a
breathless giggle..."I left
something for you
in your room!"



I go to see,
touched at her efforts to please me...

High Hopes

I really had high hopes for the time that Miguel was gone...I had hoped to get some extra housework done, like put away the small mountain of winter clothes piled on the top bunk in Gracia's room, clean out closets, reorganize some of my kitchen cabinets, etc.

Yeah, right!

It's now Thursday, Miguel comes home on Sunday, and I'll be doing good to have made up the beds for his Mom and brother! It has taken all of my energy just to take care of the kids and keep up with the dishes and a little bit of laundry...I have a renewed respect for all single Moms!!! Hat's off to you!

This week the three older kids have been attending VBS at our church, giving me some "free" time in the mornings...I say "free" because I still have Jkaile, but being down to just one kid from four frees me up quite a bit! :D On Monday I made a Walmart trip. Walmarts here aren't really quite like the Walmarts back stateside, but still a pretty good shopping experience. I enjoyed pushing the cart around the store and perusing the shelves a little more slowly than usual while Jkaile enjoyed a cinnamon roll from the bakery. Actually, Miguel has been doing most of the shopping for us lately, so even just going to the store is fun for me!

Anyway, I popped into the makeup/jewelry/sunglasses section to look for a strap for Micah's new glasses (didn't find any) and found myself looking at the fake fingernail section. I have to admit that I'm a nailbiter...can't remember a time when I haven't bitten my nails. :( I recently came across this picture and had to laugh...

Yep! That's me down there in the front, chewing on that fingernail for all I'm worth! My parents tried everything from bribery to punishment...nothing ever worked. The only times I've ever been able to grow my nails out is when I have been pregnant or used fake fingernails. But then I always start biting them again. I have been noticing that the habit has been getting worse lately (if that's even possible!) and I decided that maybe I need to be a bit more proactive about it. I'm not pregnant, so I decided to go the acrylic route and bought myself a bunch of fake nails.

So I get them home and then realize that I have no suitable fingernail polish! So I called a friend and she said she'd loan me some. Good, okay, so I am a complete novice at putting on nails or doing anything of the sort, so it was a bit awkward getting them on...I finally got the first hand done and the nails clipped quite short because I'm not used to long fingernails. I was halfway done with the second hand, when I looked over and to my horror noticed that Jkaile was jumping happily on the couch in a state of undress (we've been potty training) with a poopy derriere!!!! Oh my goodness! So there I was, cleaning him up with those long nails on my right hand (hadn't trimmed those yet) and I just about decided that long fingernails are not for me!

But, I got the mess cleaned up and got back to work on my nails...by that time, I had to rush to get ready to go pick the kids up from VBS and it was embarrassing to show up with white nails (I picked up the nail polish on the way home). And then one fell off. groan. I'm happy to say, though, that despite the rough start, I'm beginning to like them! I don't think I have particularly pretty hands anyway, I inherited my dad's short, rather stubby fingers, and having long nails seems to make them more feminine. I think I like that. And if you've known me long at all, you will know I'm not exactly the epitome of femininity (my goodness, is that the right word? looks funny, but sounds cool).

So when Miguel gets back, probably all I'll have to show for my time will be pretty fingernails and children that survived his time away! Oh well...I've about convinced myself that maybe it would be better to tackle those cleaning projects with Miguel's Mom to help me anyway...

Waiting for the Bread to Bake

I'm up rather late waiting for the bread to bake and am keeping myself busy by reading blogs and thinking about possible posts. I normally would not be baking so late except that I will be going to a social in the morning and I wanted to take something homemade. A cinnamon roll ring is just the thing...I should have started it earlier, but needed a nap and then we had a dorm meeting this evening that went longer than expected (but SO much fun!). It meant my bread didn't go into the oven until 9:30 p.m. by which time I am usually heading towards horizontal. Since my posting has been rather sparse lately, though, I thought I'd write a little something...ah, I know, a recent conversation with Jojo about heaven.


Jojo: Mommy, did you know there are diamondth in heaven?!

Mom: Yes, there are!

Jojo: And the threetth are pafed wif gold! (giggle, giggle)

Mom: Yes, but do you know what the biggest treasure in heaven is?

Jojo: Diamondth! (hee, hee)

Mom: Well, yes, but Jesus will be in heaven and He is our greatest treasure!

A few moments of silence...

Jojo: Oh (giggle, giggle), I can't wait to die!

Well, Jojo, selfishly I hope it's later than sooner! :)

Don't think I'm ready for you to walk those streets of gold just yet...