Crossroads or a Bridge?

An exciting new ministry opportunity has been presented to us this week and boy, has it provoked a lot of thought and discussion in this house! Last week we decided to strongly pursue a tribal church-planting ministry because that is what continues to tug at Miguel's heart...this week, leadership has asked us to consider working in a new support ministry. This new ministry would put us in the center of creating a sending organization for Mexican missionaries (or other Latins). This ministry is undoubtedly something that highly attracts our attention because we also have a heart for building and strengthening the relationship between ex-pat missionaries and their Latin colleagues. Miguel would be working with promotion and representation (among other things) and I would work part-time out of the home office (me? with an office?! I think I'm still in shock!) in a secretarial/coordinator type role. I think I even found a good childcare solution already! :)

But...our question is, is this a crossroads or a bridge? If we decide to take this ministry road, does it mean we are turning our backs on the tribal ministry role? (We aren't getting any younger, you know!) Or would working in this ministry for a couple of years be the bridge that carries us into a tribal church-planting role further on down the road? Is this God's provision of a dynamic ministry for us at this time or merely one of those ministry opportunities that come along and would be good to do, but are to be declined? Like one of my sisters said, perhaps this is a glimpse of God working on our behalf behind the scenes while we were still in such doubt and discouragement regarding our future...aarrgghh! Why does this have to be so hard?!

I think that our conclusion is that for now, we will join this new venture (perhaps re-evaluating at the end of the school year) and continue to ask God to lead and guide...all the while continuing to pursue unity and cry out to God together. I pray for clarity of thought for Miguel, he's the one with the burden of these decisions, anyway. All these questions still swirl in our minds, however, as we continue on the adventure of life.

suffering

I think my idea of true suffering is BEING WITHOUT INTERNET ACCESS AT HOME!!!! No, seriously, that's not really true suffering, of course, but it doesn't feel very good either! :( I feel like I was really on a roll, here, staying on top of my writing and emails, Facebook, etc. and now look, I haven't written here for a couple of weeks. sigh. Oh well. It drives me crazy, though, because when I don't write, I tend to lay awake at night writing in my head, which is quite irritating seeing as how I need all the sleep I can get these days!!! So I decided to just start writing anyway and I'll post it when I can....

We tried to have a landline installed, but had some setbacks and then a runaround from the phone company (they orginally said that there WAS high-speed Internet access available and then at the last minute said, no, there is just dial-up and we don't want THAT!). I don't know what we'll do for phone and Internet, but for the moment, we're still just connecting with the wi-fi wherever we can.

Okay, well, so it's been a crazy couple of weeks! For one thing, getting moved and settled in to the new house...Miguel had one day to rest after getting back from Mexico and then we started packing, so he started off tired! Then the week after we moved, I started taking 3 classes a week offered at our church (just for the month of April). I didn't think it would be that heavy a load, but I didn't anticipate being so tired from the move and then getting sick in there! The classes have been phenomenal, though, and I'm very thankful that so far I haven't missed any. I think God has been sending me resources, books, classes, Godly people, etc. all into my life during this time to heal me, build me up, and prepare me for future ministry.

One of the classes that I'm taking is called Interrupted Expectations. It's about the adjustments (usually negative) that we experience in life and the losses that we experience as a result. Losses can be physical/material (loss of things or familiar surroundings), relational (death, divorce, separation, conflict), or even emotional (loss of identity, role at home or in our jobs). As I wrote out my "Life Loss Resumé" I discovered that there had been losses in my life that I have never really taken into account or grieved over. And not grieving losses has the potential for leaving one "stuck" emotionally, not able to grow, mature, heal, and move on.

I think one of the most impactful topics we discussed during this class so far has been that the loss of our identity is one of the major losses in life. And it's interesting, because as it turns out, that usually happens because we wrap our identity up in something that can change or be lost! (in other words, it's our own fault!) At one point in the class, the teacher had us turn to the person next to us and describe who we are WITHOUT mentioning our role at home (mother/wife) or our job (missionary). It was really HARD! I was left with "extroverted female child of God"!!! LOL But it was a very important moment for me as I realized how much I DO tend to base my identity in what I do and where I live instead of only in Christ!!!! What I do and where I live may change, but Christ is the same yesterday, today, and for eternity and is the ONLY solid foundation for who I am.

So then came the AHA! moment for me...perhaps one (THE?) reason that I have been so obsessed and anxious about our ministry decision is because my identity has been feeling "threatened" by the possibility of Miguel making a "wrong" decision?! (can you see the control issues there?!) I think I was able to take a step back and see that my identity in Christ will be the same no matter where we are ministering and no matter what we are doing. That was very freeing for me and seems to have been a major paradigm shift in my view of life. And it's funny, nothing has changed; I still don't know where God is leading us, but I have peace and can rest in the knowledge that He is working in our lives and that He will lead...it's such a wonderful feeling!