What We Have Been Up To

Well, this has been a rather interesting couple of weeks...a week ago Sunday, Miguel was really sick. We knew that he had been exposed to dengue fever on his recent trip to Veracruz, so we feared the worst! He began having all the classic symptoms of dengue, beginning with fever, body aches and a headache located behind his eyes, so we got a bunch of people praying and I began mentally preparing myself to face this disease (some kinds of dengue require hospitalization).

And then on Monday morning he woke up with no fever, no pain and no headache! He was very weak, but nothing like he should have been if the dengue were to have run its course...we don't really know what to think, either he had something entirely different or God chose to heal him! Either way, we're really glad he didn't end up with dengue!

Another reason that was good was that Micah and I were scheduled to help translate for a team of eye-doctors who were in the area on that Monday and Tuesday, so I needed Miguel to take care of the other three kids while we did that...we had fun translating for the team, although we had two pretty long days and we got very tired! I was very proud of Micah, he did a great job at his station.

On Tuesday, Miguel even felt well enough to hang out with us for a few hours...we got the other kids' eyes checked and Miguel had fun playing with the kids outside while they were waiting for their appointments.

Tuesday was also Micah's 12th birthday, which we didn't really celebrate this year...we have always said we wouldn't have a big party for the kids every year and this year it just wasn't fitting into our schedule very well! We did get him a nice Lego set and a huge flan, as well as some other gifts. I love this picture of Micah, I think he was about 2 or 3 days old...he was so cute!

On Wednesday, Miguel felt sick again, this time sick to his stomach and spent most of the day in bed again (rare for him!). I'm beginning to wonder if maybe he isn't developing a lactose intolerance, because he was suspiciously ill after eating that flan the night before! It's possible, since he's been having a lot of stomach issues lately...anyway, he had been invited to share at a Totonacan youth event and was supposed to go on Thursday.  We had been debating whether or not to go as a family or whether Miguel should go at all! In the end, Miguel went alone and I stayed home with the kids.

Miguel had a good time at the youth event, which was sort of like a short camp, so we were glad he did not have to cancel. He shared about evangelism and small groups with the youth and they seemed to enjoy his session. Miguel always connects really well with the youth and simply enjoys hanging out with them, so these are good opportunities for him to use his gifts. He was also able to talk to a couple of the pastors there about areas where there are still no churches among the Totonacan people and that information is valuable for our survey.

Group picture

 Miguel interviewing the two pastors

While Miguel was gone, I was really struggling...I was very tired from not sleeping well and the kids were also cranky and chose to squabble a lot. It was quite discouraging and hard to know what to do to make it better, so I ended up praying a lot! I'm not sure what goes on when Miguel is not here to give me this fear and anxiety at night, but I do know that prayer helps.

Then we ran out of water in our rooftop tank and that was annoying...we had plenty of water in the cistern under the garage floor, but the pump wasn't working and I was having to haul it out in buckets (the plumbers came and fixed it last night, woohoo!). I really hate to complain about the water situation because I am very aware of the fact that many people around the world have to carry water or have very little water in the first place! And it isn't really that I mind hauling water, it's mostly that this house is not set up for carrying water, so it's a real pain to have to work around.

At any rate, all that was unfortunate because by the time Miguel got home on Saturday, I was not in very good shape to give him a warm welcome home! He wanted to rest anyway, though, so he went on up to bed and I worked on a scrapbook album we are making for Miguel's parents...that gave us some time and space to kind of recoup from our respective experiences of the last few days. I also had a lot of laundry to do and of course, the water ran out again in the middle of the busy laundry day and it also left me with a lot of dishes from baking banana bread and pumpkin bread to send with Miguel on his next trip.

Yes, Miguel left again on Sunday! Actually, both he and Micah left to meet up with a team from our home church in Arkansas who are doing a medical brigade in the city of Guadalajara, which is about six hours west of here. The brother of the pastor of our Puebla church is planting a church there, so a team goes from our home church every November to do medical work there in that neighborhood.

Miguel and Micah playing games

with the kids in Guadalajara

And while I am very glad that Miguel and Micah could hang out with them, coming on the heels of Miguel's other trip it's been a bit of a challenge for me. This is a part of our ministry, however, and my contribution often is to stay at home while Miguel travels...and while sometimes I struggle to see that as being a worthwhile contribution, I know that it really is.

After the struggle I had last week, I decided to make it easier for myself and lower my expectations of what I would try to get done or what I felt I 'should' get done this week...I also really prayed about the fear/anxiety issue I was dealing with at night and God has given me a tremendous sense of peace, which has allowed me to sleep much better than I was able to last week! I did have to go out on Monday to pay the phone bill, do some shopping and pay the rent, but it was a good outing with the kids and I even took them out to eat breakfast as a special treat. We've done some school, but not a whole lot and have spent some time just hanging out together having fun.

Miguel and Micah will be home tomorrow and I'm sure they'll need to rest for a couple of days...then I am supposed to make a cake for a friend's birthday on Saturday. She asked me to make her the cake and after I agreed, she stipulated that it have a Garfield on it! I'm not that good at decorating, so I decided to put a Garfield cake topper on it...I couldn't find one however, so a stuffed Garfield will have to do! That might be more fun anyway, since she can have it as a toy afterwards.

On Sunday, our Area Leader is arriving and that will start three days of intense yearly meetings and member care sessions for us. We're looking forward to it, though, and I think it will be beneficial to us and our ministry.

After that, I hope we have a few days to just be still...

Your Heart

We love stories, especially Bible stories...and we love to share Bible truths through stories as we live and work with people who have more of a oral/story-telling background.  So we were pretty excited to discover this album that has recently been produced about Bible characters.  We quickly made an playlist on Youtube of these songs so that we can listen to them over and over again.  They have all touched our hearts, but we particularly like the song about King David.  I have noticed that more often than not, we will skip other songs to listen to Your Heart before moving on the other songs on the list.

Interestingly, we just finished telling David's story to the kids and in the telling, I think we learned just as much as the kids.  The Bible is neat in the way that it teaches truth on so many levels and reaches everyone who hears.

I've been thinking about the words of this song...particularly the words "When the world looks at me I pray all they see is that my heart looks like Your heart".

And isn't that what the walk is all about, a daily refining and maturing so that our heart begins to look more and more like the heart of Christ?  God said that David was a man after God's own heart, and while it is true that David's heart had a special relationship with God from his youth, he still had to face a refining process in his life just like the rest of us (see Psalm 51).

Refinement of the heart isn't a very easy or glamorous process...sometimes it can just be downright painful and messy.  At times it isn't easy to own my defects and then accept the what or the who that God uses in my life to refine and forge my heart into one that looks more like His.

I've been reading a book titled On Being a Missionary, written by Thomas Hale who spent many years as a missionary himself in the country of Nepal.  This book has really spoken to me...it's funny yet full of practical advice and has often taken me back to reflect on my mission experiences, both growing up as an MK and serving as an AMK (Adult Missionary Kid).  One paragraph really stuck out to me the other day...

"As someone has said, a missionary's pilgrimage doesn't end when he gets to the field; it simply gets bumpier.  That's when he discovers new weaknesses, new temptations, new sins.  These are at the root of most of the emotional struggle and pain we experience as new missionaries.  We learn much about ourselves when we arrive on the mission field.  Some of our flaws and weaknesses may never have been revealed before in the security of our home country.  But now they are.  Our defects are exposed.  Because of them we sustain wounds.  These, in a sense, can be considered battle wounds.  As these wounds are healed, the scars remain.  They will be signs that we've been fighting on the front lines.  They will be scars we can wear without shame."

Looking back on our missionary career, I can see how God has used many things in my life so far in order to bring my weaknesses to light...and all too often I'm tempted to feel some shame about some of the circumstances surrounding my times of refinement.  Perhaps attitudes on my part that weren't quite as godly as they should have been or words that should have remained unspoken.  It's easy to look back and see what I should have done and how I could have responded and much harder to simply trust God with who I was and what I did during those times.  Because it all boils down to trusting God in all things, doesn't it?

I do carry scars from past experiences and wounds that will become scars in time...I hadn't thought to view them as battle scars before, but I think he's right.  In other circumstances, I don't think some of those defects might have been brought to light.  Not that I become proud of these scars by any means, frankly it takes humility to become open and vulnerable enough to expose scars and to admit flaws and weaknesses; in short, it's hard to take off the mask and display anything less than perfection.  But through humility, I can accept the fact that the scars exist and choose to acknowledge the defects that remain in my heart and life, accepting from God's hand the ways (the whats and the whos) that He has chosen to bring out and work on my weaknesses.

Humility has and will allow me to come to the place of thanking God for those hurtful trials and conflicts because those were times of refinement and maturing that were necessary for making my heart look more more like His.  In the same way, humility will also allow me to respect the battle scars of friends, colleagues and coworkers and relating with compassion as God works to refine their hearts as well.

The cry of my heart today...When the world looks at me I pray all they see is that my heart looks like Your heart.

Drained...

Today I feel totally and completely drained and empty...really struggling to be that happy-go-lucky Becky that I usually am...no energy, no ánimo, no get-up-and-go...I'm not sure exactly what triggers it (although we've been quite busy lately...) and I'm not sure if it's physical, emotional, mental, spiritual or a mix of all those things. I have long struggled with depression and this seems to be what it looks like.

So I'm fighting back by putting into practice the things I've learned...up my time in the Word, take it easy, don't expect wonders or miracles out of myself, go to bed early, crack down on the negative thoughts/emotions/self-talk, focus on the positive, take naps, don't start any big projects, remember that "this, too shall pass", do something fun, spend time with the kids...don't know that I feel like I'm making headway, but you know, I'm learning to not pay so much attention to how I feel and just continue doing what I know to be good and healthy. This cycle of feelings will pass and things will get better...eventually!

On a positive note, one encouraging thing is that I do seem to be making some progress in the area of my fingernails! I took the fake nails off a few days ago to see how it would go and while my natural nails are still quite short, they are growing! I was getting quite frustrated with the acrylic nails anyway...I kept having to replace them because my busy mom/housewife lifestyle is just too hard on those things! I keep finding lost fingernails in odd places...

The Renewing of My Mind

I stayed home from church yesterday...for various reasons, I just wasn't up to going and I could tell that Jkaile wasn't feeling too well, either, since he is coming down with a cold. I kept him up for a little while thinking to delay his nap until the afternoon, but he became quite destructive...tearing up books and magazines, going around pulling everything off of shelves and onto the floor...the last straw was when he broke one of my coffee mugs (not my favorite, but still...) and spilled coffee all over himself, the floor, Miguel's books. My goodness. So off to bed he went and I began feeling a quiet urge to sit down for some time with God. So I pulled out my Patriarchs book to do another day of the study, we are on Week Three (yes, I know, a little behind the rest of you!). And God had something pretty meaningful there for me yesterday!

That particular part of the study was about the second time that Abraham lied about Sarah being his wife...this time King Abimelech took Sarah to be one of his wives (Genesis 20). God intervened once again, however, saving Sarah from committing adultery and in the process revealing Himself and His power to Abimelech and his people.

The first thing that stuck out to me is how God intervened twice on Sarah's behalf and held Abraham responsible for the whole situation. Scripture isn't really clear whether Sarah was going along with the scheme or whether she was just obeying Abraham. It is clear, however, that Abraham allowed Sarah to be put into a very compromising situation because of his own fear and that God stepped in to protect Sarah. It got me to thinking of how many times I balk at doing what Miguel wants to do, being unable to trust God with the outcome?

The second thing was that the study points out that Abraham seemed to have a "default" reaction whenever he felt threatened regarding Sarah and that was to lie and deceive-in this case, wilfull, premeditated sin (Gen. 20:13). What is my "default" when confronted with stressful circumstances-what is my pattern of handing crisis situations? I relate to this in several areas of my life...my responses under stress, my speech and responses to my kids and Miguel, my struggle with food, my thought life, dreams...like Beth says, repeated patterns of sin and foolish decisions that cause pain and self-contempt...

In her own life, God showed her that freedom would only come through the renewing of her mind.

1Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy,

to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—

this is your spiritual act of worship.

2Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world,

but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.

Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—

his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Romans 12:1-2 NIV

3For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does.

4The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world.

On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds.

5We demolish arguments and every pretension

that sets itself up against the knowledge of God,

and we take captive every thought

to make it obedient to Christ.

II Cor. 10:3-5 NIV

23to be made new in the attitude of your minds;

Ephesians 4:23 NIV

Beth decided to ask God to not only renew her conscious mind, but her subconscious mind as well...including her dream life and thought life while she slept. She continues to ask God to place His truth deep inside, even in the places of her mind that she doesn't even know exist!

Later, Beth says she discovered the Greek word, "horme", which refers to impulses, urges, a forceful movement towards something, a sudden thought, whim, or dictating inclination. So then she began including that in her prayer as well, asking God to make even her reactions and sudden impulses godly!

Like Beth, I ask, what would it look like if I began attentively and repeatedly praying for the Holy Spirit to invade and renew me so richly and so deeply that even my impulses are godly? That even my "default" response is sanctified?

A New Book

I'm so excited! I had been told that we had some packages in the mailroom, so I brought them home yesterday. I can't open one of them because it apparently contains a Christmas present that Miguel ordered for me...another one was a computer cooling stand that we ordered for our laptop (it's overheating and shutting itself down...not good)...the 3rd package is a book that I'm not sure we ordered so I don't want to open it...but the last one was an order of books and DVDs that Miguel had ordered which included a New Book for me. :)

Every since taking the grief class in April of this year, I've wanted to read Recovering from Losses in Life by H. Norman Wright. And now I finally have the chance because I have my very own copy!

Here's what's on the back cover:

You can make it through

Life is marked by Losses. Some are life changing, such as leaving home, the effects of natural disaster or war, the death of a loved one, or divorce. Others are subtle, like changing jobs, moving, or a broken friendship. But whether you encounter family, personal, or community disaster, there is always potential for change, growth, and new insight.

Writing from his own experience and expertise, certified trauma expert and best-selling author H. Norman Wright shows you how to work through loss and come out a stronger person on the other side. He tackles tough issues such as the meaning of grief, blaming God, and learning how to express yourself and share your pain in times of loss.

Whether you've gone through a treat tragedy or are just trying to deal with the small sorrow in life, this book can help you resist the pull toward despair and start on the road back to joy.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

H. Norman Wright is a certified trauma specialist, a licensed marriage and family therapist, the founder and director of Christian Marriage Enrichment, and the author of more than sixty books. He and his wife, Joyce, life in California.

What to say?

As one of the new members of this field, I have been invited to share my testimony and jouney to Mexico at the ladies' meeting tonight (along with the other "new" ladies). The thought of sharing my testimony makes me nervous and has caused quite a bit of anxiety...what to say? It was encouraging to review a couple of other blogs and find out that I am not the only one who is faced with this "dilemma" of what to say...how transparent and open should I be? Public speaking is not my favorite thing to do in the first place since I feel very self-conscious when everyone's focus is on me (why my chosen profession is a teacher is a mystery! but somehow that's different...). And the last few years of my life haven't been very pretty...a lot of struggles in my walk with God, in my marriage and ministry, as a Mom...and while yes, circumstances were difficult, I don't think that all my choices were good ones as I struggled to deal with life. Instead of being open and honest about things, however, in the past I've tended to put on the mask of "All is fine" when all has NOT been fine underneath.

I think one of my biggest fears is rejection...what people will think of me. Will I sound immature, petty, self-centered, whiny if I share about my struggles? Another concern I have is in how much to share...not everyone needs to know all the "gory details" and I certainly don't want to cause any disrespect to my husband by oversharing. I also know that if I share anything more on the personal side, I will probably cry. I don't know why I am so embarrassed by tears in public, but I am (it's something that I'm working on...).

So anyway, I have been sorting through my feelings and fears...separating the legitimate from the rest. And it was neat that one of the topics at a devotional I attended this morning was rejection! The teacher was pointing out that rejection really isn't the main problem, rejection is merely the byproduct of each of us "playing God", setting standards, and then judging whether others have met those standards or not. It boils down to whether I'm living by other people's standards or God's. Where do I find my well-being? What a relief to know I don't have to accept the "rejection"...I don't have to "live" there! Rejection is fueled by fear and who uses that? Lies and Fear are tools from the Other Side to get us down...and besides, all the while I'm focusing on what other people may or may not think (which is really a self-focus), that is time lost from focusing on Christ. One time Miguel gave me some advice..."It's not all about you, Becky!" I don't think I appreciated that at the time, but he was so right. :)

Okay, you caught me rambling here...so, what to say? The question is not so much what do I have to say, but what does God want me to say? I like what He has to say in II Corinthians 1:3-5:

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,

the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort,

who comforts us in all our troubles,

so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort

we ourselves have received from God.

For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives,

so also through Christ our comfort overflows.

God HAS been a comfort to me and I'm so grateful for His compassion towards me! I have come to thank God for my struggles because without them, I wouldn't have come to know the depth of my need for Him every day. And if sharing some of what I've learned will encourage even just one lady tonight, then it will be worth it!