February 13, 2012
I continue to feel a bit disconnected. I tried to update my status on FB last night and there just wasn't anything there. Everything I wrote sounded flat and/or lifeless. I want to write on my blog, but it's easier to just watch a show or check the news or read a book. It's kind of like writer's block, except that it's not that there is nothing to write about, but maybe because there is too much and I don't know where to start. I hope I get over this soon, because the words are building up in my head! I'm afraid I will lose these words altogether, which would be a shame.
I read a post the other day about feeling small...sometimes I wonder if my story matters that much. I wonder if I'm having a confidence crisis or focusing too much on what people will think? I tend to be self-conscious about who I am and what I write. But I really do need to write...it's an outlet for me. I need to write for me.
And I need to remember that a post doesn't need to be long or complicated. Some of the blogs I enjoy the most are the shorter ones with a few pictures...so I think I just need to Nike---just do it. I suspect I have more to say than I think.
Miguel went to Poza Larga (a small Totonac community in the mountains-his second visit there) and I so wanted to go with him. But since we're going to homeschool camp next week, we couldn't afford to miss the schooldays (we are hoping to go to Poza Larga as a family soon).
I am not feeling well, but I rested all day yesterday and am feeling better today. It's a weird flu/cough that is giving me a bit of a throat infection as well. Funny thing is that it also gave me a pain in my neck and shoulder. Miguel had the same pain when he left, which was weird, and I hope he doesn't get worse while he's traveling. I told Micah that I had a pain in my neck, but assured him that it wasn't him. Ha!
The kids have been squabbling a lot in recent days--I suspect that this is very normal sibling stuff, but it is driving me nuts. And I suspect also that when I don't handle it well, it just makes it worse. But today is another day and God's mercies are new once again.
Showing posts with label God is good. Show all posts
Showing posts with label God is good. Show all posts
Monday, February 13, 2012
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Women's Retreat, October 2011
I've been pondering on what to write for a few days now...not that I haven't wanted to, but honestly I've been so busy since I got back from the retreat that I have had very little time for anything else much but the basics! What happened is that Miguel hurt his back over the weekend and has spent about three days in bed, barely able to sit up in a chair for more than a few minutes at a time. PTL, he seems to be slowly recovering, but in the meantime, I have been running double duty! I've even ventured out to the pharmacy and to Walmart on my own in the van...somewhat nerve-wracking, but everything went okay...I'm glad I have a large vehicle that most other vehicles respect!
So anyway, the retreat...wow, what can I say? I believe that I witnessed God showing up in a pretty incredible way and I am so very humbled and grateful to have been a small part of that. For one thing, the other Becky (Becky B. we called her) and I got along famously, and like I said in my previous post, we have a lot in common...but then we found out that we have even more in common than we had thought! Which is really cool. Here we are at church on Sunday morning...Becky B. is a singer and graced us with some awesome worship times, both at the retreat and at church here in Puebla.
And what the two of shared and how it really complemented each other is a testimony to the work of the Holy Spirit, seeing as we did not communicate about our sessions beforehand! But I have to admit that as I listened to Becky B. during her two sessions, I was very thankful that I went first...she would have been a hard act to follow! She is an accomplished singer and speaker, very used to being in front of the microphone and her Spanish is simply amazing...she really is quite dynamic and had us laughing in many places, while at the same time thinking deeply about our relationship with God.
The craft session went well, but it was hard to teach 51 ladies how to make boxes all at the same time, so we allowed for another box-making session on Saturday and I think most of the ladies who wanted to learn was able to go home with at least one pretty box plus their model box. Here are some of the crafts I made from the boxes to show the ladies...including picture frames, Christmas tree ornaments and decorated gift boxes. The one little box I decorated with some tiny silk flowers and some scraps of ribbon. They all turned out pretty cute!
As far as my speaking session went, I decided to be very open and transparent in an effort to encourage others to also be more open and transparent. Speaking about roots, I took the ladies back to how our 'roots' are formed...exploring what the external influences are that are that form the 'soil' in which we grow in this life. Our family, our culture, our spiritual experiences, our life experiences, etc. are all external influences that form thoughts and beliefs about ourselves, others and God. These thoughts and beliefs about ourselves, others and God are hidden in the deepest places of our hearts and out of them come our emotions, our motives, our tendencies, our desires...and out of those emotions, motives, tendencies, desires, etc. come our fruit, the external evidence of what is in our hearts at both levels.
Oftentimes, however, those thoughts and beliefs have been formed subconsciously and we do not recognize what might be driving our hearts and therefore our fruit. The beauty of salvation is that God transplants us to a new soil, one that is firm and fertile for our new little spiritual life of a tree to grow. God wants to give us this new environment so that we'll have new thoughts about ourselves, others and God, and new fruit-the fruit of the Spirit...but what can happen sometimes? We continue to revert to and act on the old thoughts and beliefs about ourselves, others and God...thoughts and beliefs that don't line up with what God's Word says about us and as a result, our new little tree does not thrive and grow...we do not develop a strong spiritual root system.
In a nutshell, that's what happened to me...for most of my life, I have operated on thoughts and beliefs about myself, others and God that were damaging and hurtful to me. I did not see myself as having worth, as deserving of God's goodness...I did not ever feel as if I was enough or as if God were pleased with me on any given day. I had carried those beliefs deep down inside me, never realizing that those beliefs were blocking my spiritual life...my spiritual roots could not thrive and grow deep and strong because I was operating based on the wrong 'soil', not the truth of God's Word...I was not deeply rooted in Christ's love and the knowledge of His Word. It was as if my heart was like the seed that was thrown among the thorns...the seeds sprouted and grew, but the thorns (the worries of this life) grew up faster and higher and choked out the truth of God's Word.
I worked very hard at the upper heart level and the fruit level to see change in my life, but it left me empty and dry and weak because I was trusting in man, trusting in myself to somehow make myself better (Jeremiah 17:5-6). God brought me to the end of myself...a place where I had nowhere else to turn (why do some of us seem to need a harder knock on the head to see God? Take Paul, for example...not that I equate myself with Paul, but just that some of us seem to just have a harder time finding God), a place where I was led to look deeper down inside me to peer into the depths of my innermost thoughts and beliefs...what I found didn't really surprise me because I knew those hurts were there. What did surprise me is to find out just how much they had affected me without me realizing it. What I had done was to deny their effects on me...everybody say it with me, de-NI-al!...and we all know that denying that something doesn't exist doesn't make it go away (try denying gravity by jumping off the roof of your house sometime...it won't be pleasant...).
For me healing was about surrender and faith...recognizing the reality of those beliefs, surrendering them to God and believing by faith the truths from God's Word about who I am in Christ. Change didn't happen immediately, from one moment to the next, but as I clung to God's promises and made daily choices to believe, things started to happen and my roots began sinking deeply into the soil that God had prepared for me from the beginning of time as His blessed child. And just like Abraham, God counted my faith as righteousness (Check out Romans 4). Those negative, damaging thoughts and beliefs were changed to ones of love and peace and joy. And I didn't even have to work to produce it...they flowed out of a heart that was grateful for God's gift of new life in Christ.
One day I realized that my depression and insecurity were gone...I looked back and realized how far I had come...I realized that I was becoming more and more resilient as I tapped into a new source of strength and power, becoming more and more secure in my identity in Christ. There was no more working to please God, just resting in Christ knowing that I already please Him just by existing...He delights in me just because I am...because He made me...that I am enough in Him because He is enough in me...glory be to God! I had found my joy...the joy of the Lord is my strength...I found my life transformed into a tree planted by the water, sending out my roots to the stream...bearing fruit and having no fear of the drought or the heat (Jeremiah 17:7-8).
So that's pretty much a summary of what I shared, although with more details about some of my life experiences, some of which I've share on this blog...as I shared, I was pleased to notice that I wasn't that nervous (this from someone who used to have trouble even looking people in the eyes out of a sense of insecurity and shame!) and in fact, I rather enjoyed myself. It felt like I was stepping into a place where I was using my gifts and abilities and while I'm sure there were things I could have done better (this was pretty much my first time sharing at a retreat/conference, so I'm sure I have much to learn), I sense this is perhaps something that God will be calling me to do more of in the future.
I will cautiously say that I believe God used what I shared in the lives of many of the ladies...several ladies shared with me the impact that my openness and transparency had on them, tears streaming down their faces as they recalled hurts from their childhood that they recognized needed healing. I say 'cautiously', however, because sometimes it's hard to gauge the feedback here in Mexico, they could just be demonstrating politeness and appreciation at my efforts...while in reality my efforts may have been feeble! And perhaps some of them were merely expressing that politeness, but others did seem to be quite sincere and deeply moved by what I shared. At any rate, my speaking session was a gift to God for Him to use however He sees fit...I have chosen to focus on that truth and not obsess about whether I did a 'good job' or not.
I will leave you with some more photos of the vacation center where we spent the retreat...it was such a beautiful place and I already want to go back as a family to spend more time there. It used to be a textile factory, which makes the architecture of the place very interesting. My favorite picture is the one I took of the volcano Popocatepetl between the two chimneys...I wish I had taken my big camera to have gotten a better shot! Oh well, next time...
One day I realized that my depression and insecurity were gone...I looked back and realized how far I had come...I realized that I was becoming more and more resilient as I tapped into a new source of strength and power, becoming more and more secure in my identity in Christ. There was no more working to please God, just resting in Christ knowing that I already please Him just by existing...He delights in me just because I am...because He made me...that I am enough in Him because He is enough in me...glory be to God! I had found my joy...the joy of the Lord is my strength...I found my life transformed into a tree planted by the water, sending out my roots to the stream...bearing fruit and having no fear of the drought or the heat (Jeremiah 17:7-8).
So that's pretty much a summary of what I shared, although with more details about some of my life experiences, some of which I've share on this blog...as I shared, I was pleased to notice that I wasn't that nervous (this from someone who used to have trouble even looking people in the eyes out of a sense of insecurity and shame!) and in fact, I rather enjoyed myself. It felt like I was stepping into a place where I was using my gifts and abilities and while I'm sure there were things I could have done better (this was pretty much my first time sharing at a retreat/conference, so I'm sure I have much to learn), I sense this is perhaps something that God will be calling me to do more of in the future.
I will cautiously say that I believe God used what I shared in the lives of many of the ladies...several ladies shared with me the impact that my openness and transparency had on them, tears streaming down their faces as they recalled hurts from their childhood that they recognized needed healing. I say 'cautiously', however, because sometimes it's hard to gauge the feedback here in Mexico, they could just be demonstrating politeness and appreciation at my efforts...while in reality my efforts may have been feeble! And perhaps some of them were merely expressing that politeness, but others did seem to be quite sincere and deeply moved by what I shared. At any rate, my speaking session was a gift to God for Him to use however He sees fit...I have chosen to focus on that truth and not obsess about whether I did a 'good job' or not.
I will leave you with some more photos of the vacation center where we spent the retreat...it was such a beautiful place and I already want to go back as a family to spend more time there. It used to be a textile factory, which makes the architecture of the place very interesting. My favorite picture is the one I took of the volcano Popocatepetl between the two chimneys...I wish I had taken my big camera to have gotten a better shot! Oh well, next time...
Thursday, July 7, 2011
One Day at a Time
We're quickly approaching our ETD (Estimated Time for Departure)...well, what we're pretty sure is our ETD (it tends to change on a weekly basis, but that is pretty normal for missionary life, gotta be flexible!). I'm tired, really really tired. And I'm fighting a cold/upper respiratory thing that doesn't seem to want to let go. If I let myself dwell on my weaknesses, though, sometimes I think that I'm probably not going to make it...but I am pretty sure that I will. Because I am learning more how to live one day at a time. Yes, I have my moments...when I'd rather just curl up in bed and check out for the day, but mostly I'm good.
When I'm tempted to lift up my eyes and get overwhelmed at the heights we have yet to climb before we can settle down on the other side, I remember to focus on the next step...just what I need to get done today. I am remembering to keep up my strength just for today...to take care of myself today so that I can begin tomorrow with fresh strength. God gives me enough strength to get through the next thing. Besides, I want to live in the present, be here through each day and enjoy the blessings and joys that God gives me in each moment. I don't want to miss a thing!
Sometimes I look back where we've come and I stand there amazed at everything that we've accomplished in the last few months...it is truly amazing! We have negotiated through the complexities of an agency transfer and trust me, it's complicated! We have nearly doubled our support level in the last few months and we're rejoicing over the fact that we only lack $215 of monthly support to get to the level we need to be at to be able to go (yes it is a 'minimum' and yes it would be great to get more, but it won't hold us back from going!). We've made two trips to Florida in order to complete the orientations required by Pioneers and God more than provided the funds needed to cover the costs for those trips. In fact, we have enough in our account to cover upcoming expenses such as our travel costs to Mexico and the costs of an upcoming Pioneers conference that we'll be attending in August. We'll have a lot of initial expenses for setting up in Mexico, too, so it's good to see God providing for that as well.
I could really go on and on...God has worked mightily through us and for us and we've been very blessed as we've traveled this path.
Recently someone asked me if there is anything I fear about the future...I had to think about that one! I think if I had to put words to one of my fears (and yes, it is fears, plural), one of them would involve a sense of inadequacy about this ministry we're joining. Tribal church-planting ministry is difficult and complicated...the more we learn about things like Church Planting Movements and Teamwork and Cross-Cultural Relationships and other missionary stuff like that, the more complex it seems to become! So when I'm tempted to feel overwhelmed and like I'm not up for this challenge, God reminds me that the 'success' of this ministry doesn't depend on me and my abilities anyway. That's really good, because I'm pretty sure I would fail at that one...God is just calling me to go and be what He asks me to be. What that will look like I'm not exactly sure, but I suspect a lot of it will look like being a wife and mother and friend.
So what's next? Well, this weekend we're having an Open House Goodbye Party for our kids...a time when their friends can drop in and say goodbye before we leave. So I'm deep in planning mode for that party. And then on Sunday night, we'll be speaking at a church in Oklahoma, thanks to a referral from my Mom. Next week we need to focus on pulling together a lot of documents, etc. to send in to Pioneers to have in our file. And we'll be working on moving out of our house here at the Village and will probably be taking off for Arizona around the 22nd of July. We're leaving a few days early for the conference to visit friends along the way. I'm hoping to spend the last couple of nights before we leave at my Mom's house so we can have a more proper goodbye and celebrate Jkaile's 4th birthday with them before we leave.
After the conference in Arizona, we'll set our sights on traveling south to Puebla, Lord willing. I say Lord willing because plans might change for some reason, they have a tendency to do that (and yes, it does drive me nuts sometimes).
I have mixed emotions about leaving...excitement for what's coming up on the horizon and yet all those goodbyes are hard to face. I guess the best strategy for facing the future is to take it one day at a time...savor each moment at a time...feel the emotions, the sadness and the joy and let God fill in the spaces.
When I'm tempted to lift up my eyes and get overwhelmed at the heights we have yet to climb before we can settle down on the other side, I remember to focus on the next step...just what I need to get done today. I am remembering to keep up my strength just for today...to take care of myself today so that I can begin tomorrow with fresh strength. God gives me enough strength to get through the next thing. Besides, I want to live in the present, be here through each day and enjoy the blessings and joys that God gives me in each moment. I don't want to miss a thing!
Sometimes I look back where we've come and I stand there amazed at everything that we've accomplished in the last few months...it is truly amazing! We have negotiated through the complexities of an agency transfer and trust me, it's complicated! We have nearly doubled our support level in the last few months and we're rejoicing over the fact that we only lack $215 of monthly support to get to the level we need to be at to be able to go (yes it is a 'minimum' and yes it would be great to get more, but it won't hold us back from going!). We've made two trips to Florida in order to complete the orientations required by Pioneers and God more than provided the funds needed to cover the costs for those trips. In fact, we have enough in our account to cover upcoming expenses such as our travel costs to Mexico and the costs of an upcoming Pioneers conference that we'll be attending in August. We'll have a lot of initial expenses for setting up in Mexico, too, so it's good to see God providing for that as well.
I could really go on and on...God has worked mightily through us and for us and we've been very blessed as we've traveled this path.
Recently someone asked me if there is anything I fear about the future...I had to think about that one! I think if I had to put words to one of my fears (and yes, it is fears, plural), one of them would involve a sense of inadequacy about this ministry we're joining. Tribal church-planting ministry is difficult and complicated...the more we learn about things like Church Planting Movements and Teamwork and Cross-Cultural Relationships and other missionary stuff like that, the more complex it seems to become! So when I'm tempted to feel overwhelmed and like I'm not up for this challenge, God reminds me that the 'success' of this ministry doesn't depend on me and my abilities anyway. That's really good, because I'm pretty sure I would fail at that one...God is just calling me to go and be what He asks me to be. What that will look like I'm not exactly sure, but I suspect a lot of it will look like being a wife and mother and friend.
So what's next? Well, this weekend we're having an Open House Goodbye Party for our kids...a time when their friends can drop in and say goodbye before we leave. So I'm deep in planning mode for that party. And then on Sunday night, we'll be speaking at a church in Oklahoma, thanks to a referral from my Mom. Next week we need to focus on pulling together a lot of documents, etc. to send in to Pioneers to have in our file. And we'll be working on moving out of our house here at the Village and will probably be taking off for Arizona around the 22nd of July. We're leaving a few days early for the conference to visit friends along the way. I'm hoping to spend the last couple of nights before we leave at my Mom's house so we can have a more proper goodbye and celebrate Jkaile's 4th birthday with them before we leave.
After the conference in Arizona, we'll set our sights on traveling south to Puebla, Lord willing. I say Lord willing because plans might change for some reason, they have a tendency to do that (and yes, it does drive me nuts sometimes).
I have mixed emotions about leaving...excitement for what's coming up on the horizon and yet all those goodbyes are hard to face. I guess the best strategy for facing the future is to take it one day at a time...savor each moment at a time...feel the emotions, the sadness and the joy and let God fill in the spaces.
Sunday, May 15, 2011
A Girl Named Dirty
They found her in the garbage dump on the edge of town and rescued her from the city of darkness.* The servants of the King cleaned her up, fed and clothed her and yet for all of the care she received, the girl named Dirty still seemed to prefer to live outside with the pigs.
One night the girl named Dirty crept close to the Celebration fires, the place where the subjects of the King celebrated Kingdom living. Dirty watched from a distance as ordinary people passed through the great ring of fire and were transformed into their real selves...princes, princesses, the Captain of the Guard, dukes and duchesses, lords and ladies of the King. There was music and dancing and delicious food inside the Celebration fire and she couldn't imagine what it would be like to feel so happy.
She longed to join them, but she was afraid. The girl named Dirty was afraid of the fire...afraid it might hurt. But she was mostly afraid that when she passed through the fire, she would be exactly who she was now, a girl named Dirty.
She felt something touch her and she turned to see a old man beside her. The hand on her shoulder felt warm and his eyes were kind as he asked her if she was joining the Celebration that night. She shrank back from his touch as the fear rose up inside her again. The old man invited her to go with him through the ring of fire, but Dirty refused. She watched in amazement and wonder as the old man walked through the Celebration Fire and was welcomed by all as the King himself! And then she felt shame, remembering that the King had invited her to go with him and she had refused...would he ever invite her back again?
The girl named Dirty remembered the King's invitation however, and eventually found the courage to step through the cleansing circle of fire. It did hurt a little but her love for the King impelled her and she emerged on the other side as a true Princess, daughter of the King...complete with radiant clothing and a delicate crown on her head. And best of all, she was clean, both on the inside and the outside.
Every time I read this story as a child, it would bring strong emotions and feelings to the surface...I soon avoided reading that story entirely in order to avoid the pain and that became a pattern in my life. I would do just about anything to avoid the pain inside. I knew how the girl named Dirty felt...I didn't like it that I felt like her story felt like my story and yet I had covered up the hurt so well I didn't really even know why that was.
I just knew that I felt dirty, bad, unlovable and unwanted...I tried to cover it up with laughter and bounce and fun and masks, but in those moments of quiet solitude, the voices were there with their sinister tones, "...you are ugly...you are fat...you are bad....you are lazy....you want too much...you are too much...you are not enough...you are worthless...there is no hope...if your friends knew who you really were, they would never like you...you are shame...you are guilty and you will never be free of that..."
The King invited and yet I was too afraid to trust, too afraid to believe...too afraid that nothing would change even if I did...too afraid of stepping into His Kingdom only to be revealed to be nothing more than a worthless, dirty reject in the midst of the children of the King. And so I watched from a distance, the smell of smoke on my clothes, as it were, but never getting close enough to actually be warmed by the fire...putting my hope in eternity but having no hope for a fulfilling and joyful life here on this earth. Able to trust God for eternal salvation, but not for earthly redemption. Believing that God loved me enough to save my eternal soul, but that He probably didn't like me very much in the meantime...
And so the King allowed me to live, always inviting but never forcing, until I came to a desperate place of need...where the desire to be free became greater than the ability to hide the pain and I made a choice to trust...to believe. It was as if I stepped into the fire...and while the fire was holy and cleansing and good, it was still fire and it still hurt. But it was a good hurt and it was a healing hurt and I am very glad that the King never stopped inviting...and there He was on the other side, waiting for me to step into my beautiful robes and my lovely crown amidst the cheers of my fellow Kingdom-dwellers.
Most days I may look the same as I always have...but if you notice that I walk a little taller, have a little more confidence and if you see that sparkle in my eye...it's because inside I know who I am...I believe...I'm a daughter of the King...
Every once in a while those old voices might come back for a second or two, but mostly they are drowned out by the shouts of Who I Am in Christ...
I AM ACCEPTED...
One night the girl named Dirty crept close to the Celebration fires, the place where the subjects of the King celebrated Kingdom living. Dirty watched from a distance as ordinary people passed through the great ring of fire and were transformed into their real selves...princes, princesses, the Captain of the Guard, dukes and duchesses, lords and ladies of the King. There was music and dancing and delicious food inside the Celebration fire and she couldn't imagine what it would be like to feel so happy.
She longed to join them, but she was afraid. The girl named Dirty was afraid of the fire...afraid it might hurt. But she was mostly afraid that when she passed through the fire, she would be exactly who she was now, a girl named Dirty.
She felt something touch her and she turned to see a old man beside her. The hand on her shoulder felt warm and his eyes were kind as he asked her if she was joining the Celebration that night. She shrank back from his touch as the fear rose up inside her again. The old man invited her to go with him through the ring of fire, but Dirty refused. She watched in amazement and wonder as the old man walked through the Celebration Fire and was welcomed by all as the King himself! And then she felt shame, remembering that the King had invited her to go with him and she had refused...would he ever invite her back again?
The girl named Dirty remembered the King's invitation however, and eventually found the courage to step through the cleansing circle of fire. It did hurt a little but her love for the King impelled her and she emerged on the other side as a true Princess, daughter of the King...complete with radiant clothing and a delicate crown on her head. And best of all, she was clean, both on the inside and the outside.
Every time I read this story as a child, it would bring strong emotions and feelings to the surface...I soon avoided reading that story entirely in order to avoid the pain and that became a pattern in my life. I would do just about anything to avoid the pain inside. I knew how the girl named Dirty felt...I didn't like it that I felt like her story felt like my story and yet I had covered up the hurt so well I didn't really even know why that was.
I just knew that I felt dirty, bad, unlovable and unwanted...I tried to cover it up with laughter and bounce and fun and masks, but in those moments of quiet solitude, the voices were there with their sinister tones, "...you are ugly...you are fat...you are bad....you are lazy....you want too much...you are too much...you are not enough...you are worthless...there is no hope...if your friends knew who you really were, they would never like you...you are shame...you are guilty and you will never be free of that..."
The King invited and yet I was too afraid to trust, too afraid to believe...too afraid that nothing would change even if I did...too afraid of stepping into His Kingdom only to be revealed to be nothing more than a worthless, dirty reject in the midst of the children of the King. And so I watched from a distance, the smell of smoke on my clothes, as it were, but never getting close enough to actually be warmed by the fire...putting my hope in eternity but having no hope for a fulfilling and joyful life here on this earth. Able to trust God for eternal salvation, but not for earthly redemption. Believing that God loved me enough to save my eternal soul, but that He probably didn't like me very much in the meantime...
And so the King allowed me to live, always inviting but never forcing, until I came to a desperate place of need...where the desire to be free became greater than the ability to hide the pain and I made a choice to trust...to believe. It was as if I stepped into the fire...and while the fire was holy and cleansing and good, it was still fire and it still hurt. But it was a good hurt and it was a healing hurt and I am very glad that the King never stopped inviting...and there He was on the other side, waiting for me to step into my beautiful robes and my lovely crown amidst the cheers of my fellow Kingdom-dwellers.
Most days I may look the same as I always have...but if you notice that I walk a little taller, have a little more confidence and if you see that sparkle in my eye...it's because inside I know who I am...I believe...I'm a daughter of the King...
Every once in a while those old voices might come back for a second or two, but mostly they are drowned out by the shouts of Who I Am in Christ...
I AM ACCEPTED...
- I am God's Child (Jn. 1:12)
- I am Christ's Friend (Jn. 15:15)
- I have been justified (Rom. 5:1)
- I am united with the Lord, one spirit (I Cor. 6:17)
- I am bought with a price; I belong to God (I Cor. 6:19-20)
- I am a saint (Eph. 1:1)
- I have been adopted as God's child (Eph. 1:5)
- I have access to God through the Holy Spirit (Eph. 2:18)
- I have been redeemed and forgiven (Col. 1:14)
- I am complete in Christ (Col. 2:10)
- I am free forever from condemnation (Rom. 8:1-2)
- I am assured all works together for good (Rom 8:28)
- I am free from any charge against me (Rom. 8:31-34)
- I cannot be separated from the love of God (Rom. 8:35-39)
- I am established, anointed, sealed by God (2 Cor. 1:21-22)
- I am hidden with Christ Jesus in God (Col. 3:3)
- I am confident that the good work God has begun in me will be perfected (Phil. 1:6)
- I am a citizen of heaven (Phil. 3:20)
- I have not been given a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind (2 Tim. 1:7)
- I can find grace and mercy in time of need (Heb. 4:16)
- I am born of God; the evil one cannot touch me (1 Jn. 5:18)
- I am the salt and light of the earth (Matt. 5:13-14)
- I am a branch of the true vine; a channel of His life (Jn. 15:1, 5)
- I have been chosen and appointed to bear fruit (Jn. 15:16)
- I am a personal witness of Christ's (Acts 1:8)
- I am God's temple (I Cor. 3:16)
- I am a minister of reconciliation for God (2 Cor. 5:17-21)
- I am seated with Christ in the heavenly realm (Eph. 2:6)
- I am God's workmanship (Eph. 2:10)
- I may approach God with freedom and confidence (Eph. 3:12)
- I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Phil. 4:13)
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Turning Point
Looking back over the last few months, I feel a deep sense of gratefulness at how God works to carry me through hard times...God is good. We've done a lot of grieving in our time of ministry, come to think of it! When we went to Venezuela way back when, we were entirely committed to living and working there with NTM for the rest of our lives and well, things didn't work out that way. We took a huge hit when, barely two years later, we were facing the decision of leaving to go work somewhere else. We arrived in Mexico hopeful that perhaps God was leading us to stay there, although Miguel still sensed a strong desire to return to his home country, understandable certainly, but was it God's calling or just a human desire? We weren't certain...and then sure enough, two years into our time in Mexico, there we were, packing up another household of stuff and stepping out in blind faith.
At the time, I was rather terrified of stepping out like that because it meant facing a future that I wasn't at all sure that I was willing to face, but if I hadn't been able to let go of our ministry in Mexico with NTM, God wouldn't have been able to lead us to the ministry that He has had waiting for us. It is interesting how God writes our stories, brings opportunities to our door and then allows them to step away for a time if we are not ready to open that door. He is faithful to work and then bring these opportunities back another time when we're more ready to answer the call.
We have known for years that our sending church has been greatly involved in a church planting partnership with a local church in Puebla, Mexico for several years now...Miguel has, in fact, gone on three different short-term mission trips as a translator to this ministry site, but we hadn't had much thought about it other than acknowledging that it existed. Three years ago, Miguel brought up the idea of going to live and work there, but since it implied leaving NTM and I was not ready to face that choice yet, we declined that opportunity, stayed with NTM and went to Chihuahua instead.
When we left Mexico last August, we went through a strong grieving process because not only did we grieve leaving Mexico, which we have come to love, we grieved the loss of friends both in and out of the mission community. We had many good friends within NTM and had connected so strongly to the community of believers in our local church that it was like leaving family, a truly painful process that was difficult to recover from. But it was a necessary step as God directed our path and moved us towards His plan.
2010 was an interesting year for us because it marks a turning point, a time of real growth and change in Miguel and I, both personally and in our ministry. In many ways, I think we finally 'grew up', if you will, emotionally as we began dealing with some deep hurts of our past and in our marriage. And this healing seemed to open the door to some true growth in our ministry and we found ourselves disatisfied with the 'status quo' of the mission world we found ourselves in and yet not really sure we were able to make a decision that would mean some radical change. God used those experiences to sharpen our vision for ministry, define how we desire to work and to help us know what to look for in our next ministry.
And then something pretty amazing happened and God showed us very clearly that our time with NTM had come to its end. It was a painful process, weaning always has its moments of distress as we break some of the strings of dependency that might have formed with such a partnership. A friend describes the relationship between a mission agency and its members as a 'marriage' and he noted that when that relationship breaks down, it can be compared to a 'divorce'. Such a 'divorce' between an agency and a member can produce some pretty strong emotions and feelings of loss and grief and abandonment, true, but sometimes is necessary as the member seeks to follow God's plan for their lives. We learned that our identity needs to be solidly placed in Christ and not in a membership in a mission agency or church or in anything other than Christ, really. And we have certainly learned that God is sufficient for us at all times and in every circumstance. All in all, I think we're handling things pretty well, even though we have had some ugly moments in the middle of it...we are very thankful for having had this place of rest and retreat and are thankful that God knows what we need even when we don't have a clue.
As we contemplated our resignation from NTM, however, we weren't really sure where God was leading even though Miguel still had a strong desire to return either to Venezuela or the Amazon region. So we explored some of those ideas and continued to pray and ask for wisdom. And then our home church brought back the Puebla ministry to our attention again and I remembered something...I remembered that back in July when Miguel had last gone to Puebla, he came back energized and excited and interested and I had wondered at that point whether God was leading in that direction. I remembered having privately surrendered to God in that moment...having said to God "I'll go!" if he asked us to go. And isn't that where God wants us anyway? Willing and surrendered?
Miguel wasn't visibly responding as quickly as I was, though, so I stayed quiet, watching and waiting and praying and resting in God's will. Besides, I wasn't at all sure that God was leading us to Puebla, it could have just been me and I didn't want to influence Miguel's decision, I wanted God to confirm this in a big way for both of us. And I'm learning that my husband doesn't make decisions as quickly as I do, he likes to take time to think these important things through rather thoroughly before committing, but soon enough, there we were, entirely in agreement and with a peace about pursuing this ministry. I was a little surprised because I knew that Miguel is still so attracted to hot and humid tropical places with rivers and fish and outboard motors, and yet he, too, is willing and surrendered to God's will.
So here we are, preparing to return to Mexico sometime in the next few months, so excited we can hardly stand it! In fact, if it weren't for some boring details such as joining another mission agency (NTM doesn't work in this area) and raising more prayer and financial support, we'd be leaving, like, tomorrow! We feel so blessed at how God has been so faithful to work in us and through us and we can't wait to serve Him back. We find in interesting how God has brought us full circle back to Mexico, a country we both love. Our new place of ministry is not very tropical, being in the mountains of Puebla with a cool, temperate climate and really no navigable rivers to speak of...but it IS green and humid!
At the time, I was rather terrified of stepping out like that because it meant facing a future that I wasn't at all sure that I was willing to face, but if I hadn't been able to let go of our ministry in Mexico with NTM, God wouldn't have been able to lead us to the ministry that He has had waiting for us. It is interesting how God writes our stories, brings opportunities to our door and then allows them to step away for a time if we are not ready to open that door. He is faithful to work and then bring these opportunities back another time when we're more ready to answer the call.
We have known for years that our sending church has been greatly involved in a church planting partnership with a local church in Puebla, Mexico for several years now...Miguel has, in fact, gone on three different short-term mission trips as a translator to this ministry site, but we hadn't had much thought about it other than acknowledging that it existed. Three years ago, Miguel brought up the idea of going to live and work there, but since it implied leaving NTM and I was not ready to face that choice yet, we declined that opportunity, stayed with NTM and went to Chihuahua instead.
When we left Mexico last August, we went through a strong grieving process because not only did we grieve leaving Mexico, which we have come to love, we grieved the loss of friends both in and out of the mission community. We had many good friends within NTM and had connected so strongly to the community of believers in our local church that it was like leaving family, a truly painful process that was difficult to recover from. But it was a necessary step as God directed our path and moved us towards His plan.
2010 was an interesting year for us because it marks a turning point, a time of real growth and change in Miguel and I, both personally and in our ministry. In many ways, I think we finally 'grew up', if you will, emotionally as we began dealing with some deep hurts of our past and in our marriage. And this healing seemed to open the door to some true growth in our ministry and we found ourselves disatisfied with the 'status quo' of the mission world we found ourselves in and yet not really sure we were able to make a decision that would mean some radical change. God used those experiences to sharpen our vision for ministry, define how we desire to work and to help us know what to look for in our next ministry.
And then something pretty amazing happened and God showed us very clearly that our time with NTM had come to its end. It was a painful process, weaning always has its moments of distress as we break some of the strings of dependency that might have formed with such a partnership. A friend describes the relationship between a mission agency and its members as a 'marriage' and he noted that when that relationship breaks down, it can be compared to a 'divorce'. Such a 'divorce' between an agency and a member can produce some pretty strong emotions and feelings of loss and grief and abandonment, true, but sometimes is necessary as the member seeks to follow God's plan for their lives. We learned that our identity needs to be solidly placed in Christ and not in a membership in a mission agency or church or in anything other than Christ, really. And we have certainly learned that God is sufficient for us at all times and in every circumstance. All in all, I think we're handling things pretty well, even though we have had some ugly moments in the middle of it...we are very thankful for having had this place of rest and retreat and are thankful that God knows what we need even when we don't have a clue.
As we contemplated our resignation from NTM, however, we weren't really sure where God was leading even though Miguel still had a strong desire to return either to Venezuela or the Amazon region. So we explored some of those ideas and continued to pray and ask for wisdom. And then our home church brought back the Puebla ministry to our attention again and I remembered something...I remembered that back in July when Miguel had last gone to Puebla, he came back energized and excited and interested and I had wondered at that point whether God was leading in that direction. I remembered having privately surrendered to God in that moment...having said to God "I'll go!" if he asked us to go. And isn't that where God wants us anyway? Willing and surrendered?
Miguel wasn't visibly responding as quickly as I was, though, so I stayed quiet, watching and waiting and praying and resting in God's will. Besides, I wasn't at all sure that God was leading us to Puebla, it could have just been me and I didn't want to influence Miguel's decision, I wanted God to confirm this in a big way for both of us. And I'm learning that my husband doesn't make decisions as quickly as I do, he likes to take time to think these important things through rather thoroughly before committing, but soon enough, there we were, entirely in agreement and with a peace about pursuing this ministry. I was a little surprised because I knew that Miguel is still so attracted to hot and humid tropical places with rivers and fish and outboard motors, and yet he, too, is willing and surrendered to God's will.
So here we are, preparing to return to Mexico sometime in the next few months, so excited we can hardly stand it! In fact, if it weren't for some boring details such as joining another mission agency (NTM doesn't work in this area) and raising more prayer and financial support, we'd be leaving, like, tomorrow! We feel so blessed at how God has been so faithful to work in us and through us and we can't wait to serve Him back. We find in interesting how God has brought us full circle back to Mexico, a country we both love. Our new place of ministry is not very tropical, being in the mountains of Puebla with a cool, temperate climate and really no navigable rivers to speak of...but it IS green and humid!
So here's the scoop...there is a church in the city of Puebla called El Camino Bible Church that wants to plant churches. They are ambitious, they desire to have a church planting ministry in every state of Mexico! Anyway, a few years ago, they were able to send a missionary couple from their church up to the mountains of the state of Puebla (about four hours northeast of the city of Puebla) to live and work in a small, remote community with the intention of starting a church planting movement among the Totonac people group.
Our sending church has come alongside El Camino to help and facilitate in any way that El Camino feels they need help and it's been neat to see our sending church take a helping role and not a leading role in this partnership. Our sending church sends teams down to Puebla three times a year to help with community outreaches, medical outreaches, children's ministries and construction projects.
Totonac man in traditional dress
The Totonacs are an ancient people group who co-existed alongside the Mayans and the Aztecs. They have their own language that is not related to other language groups in the area. They were actually enemies of the Aztecs and joined Hernan Cortés in the Spanish conquest of the Aztecs back in the 1500s. The Totonacs were incorporated into the Spanish regime, but since they traditionally lived in remote mountainous regions, they have maintained a lot of their traditional customs and culture. There are roughly 200,000 or more Totonac people in this region with several dialects. Along with many other indigenous groups in the Americas, they have adopted folk-Catholic religious beliefs while retaining animistic beliefs alongside. There are very few evangelical churches or believers among the Totonac.
Totonac women in traditional dress
Franco and Barbara, missionaries to the Totonac, have had a successful ministry and now have several believers who are even beginning to teach their own people. They do work in Spanish with bilingual men, who teach their own people using a New Testament that was translated by Wycliffe years ago. There is a church building in the town where Franco and Barbara live, but they are seeing that churches could be planted in other towns and that the believers need more discipling. Franco and Barbara are also getting up in years and are thinking about retiring in a couple of years and they are naturally concerned about continuing the work.
And that's where we come in...this is exactly what we've been trained for, cross-cultural tribal church planting! And Miguel's gifts lie in teaching and discipling, as well as in community development. We are also good language learners and I suspect that we'll be moving beyond working in Spanish to learning and working in the Totonac language eventually. Miguel has already seen and experienced the work first hand and is well-liked and respected there, not just by Franco and Barbara, but also by the tribal people and El Camino. Our sending church and we, too, think it's a good 'fit' for us and we're pretty excited about getting there and getting to work!
L-R: Miguel, Hiram (pastor of El Camino),
Franco (missionary to Totonac in Puebla)
and Jordan (Missions admin. assistant
from our sending church here in AR)
There is so much more I could write about this ministry and the Totonac, but this is getting long, so I'll save it for upcoming posts. I will write some of our objectives for the next few months, though, things we need to do and accomplish...
- Join a mission agency...we have it narrowed down to two and are applying to both, waiting for God's direction there...
- Raise needed prayer and financial support...we already have a pretty good base of support in both areas, but are just working to expand it...
- Obtain a vehicle, preferably some sort of SUV that can handle mountain roads, but isn't so new or nice as to call a lot of attention to it.
- We're praying about possibly fitting in a visit to Venezuela this year, but not sure that's going to happen...
- Spend time in Puebla getting to know El Camino and allowing them to get to know their new missionaries.
- Find a place to live in the mountains...we will most likely be living in a small town close to Franco and Barbara.
Small town in the mountains
There are still some unknowns and a lot of questions to answer, but we'll get there and God will provide. The important thing is that we're on the move and have a goal that we're working towards...in a sense it is a dream come true, an answer to something we've prayed about for a very long time!
So thanks for being excited with us! And plan on coming to visit us soon!
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Growing Up
Miguel and I have had some serious talks lately. About us and about a particular time in our lives...a time that neither of us really like to talk about because it was not a good time. And besides, every time we did try to talk about it, we just ended up fighting. Yeah, you know, one of those things...a thing that both of you would rather just stuff in a box and put on the back shelf hoping that it will just disappear, except that it doesn't. It just keeps sneaking back out of the box and popping back up to hurt us when we least expect it. We would just stuff it back in and shelve it again, only to have it come back to hurt us again and again...in Celebrate Recovery, we're learning that insanity can be defined as doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results. Like turning a light switch on and off even though the light bulb is burned out and then getting angry that flipping the switch doesn't turn the light on. So just a wee bit of insanity there on our part...
Since God's working on both of us and we are desiring truth in the inward parts (Psalm 51:6) and wanting to deal with our 'stuff', we've been taking this particular box off of the back shelf and opening it up to see if we can work through this thing instead of denying its existence.
It's not been our favorite thing to do. We've had to say some hard things to each other...things that are incredibly hard to hear and say. Turns out, though, that it was worth the pain of working through these issues because we did it and we survived and we conquered. Turns out that there were some major misunderstandings...turns out Miguel thought I was purposefully being difficult and having a bad attitude and resentment towards him for moving me away from my missionary friends when it was only that I was struggling to handle the heat, the stress of multiple moves, my fourth pregnancy, homeschooling three young children, loneliness from feeling isolated from communication with friends and family...turns out that I felt abandoned and rejected by him when he didn't seem to want to listen when I brought my concerns to him when it was that he was having trouble hearing the way I chose to present those concerns...turns out that he felt uncomfortable with the way I was not acting in culturally appropriate ways and that he felt that it was limiting and negatively affecting his ministry...turns out that we weren't taking our cultural differences into account or talking about those differences and how they were affecting our perception of each others' hearts and motives. Turns out we each were able to own our part of the problem and repent and ask for forgiveness.
I don't know that we've taken care of all of the walls we've built between us, but we're well on our way to completing our own little (huge?) DIY demolishing and rebuilding project here and it feels good. Not like oh goody, we get to dig into some deep hurts, but good in that we're cleaning house, coming to place of understanding and finding new unity. We're choosing to fall in love with each other all over again and trying to be sensitive to each other's cultural point of view.
As hard as these last few months have been for us personally and in our ministry, I am totally thanking and praising God for where He's brought us and how He's working. Instead of obsessing about what went wrong and on the 'if onlys', I am choosing to thank Him for all things, the good, the bad and the ugly because He's redeeming those things and working them out for good. I am truly finding joy in these trials (James 1:2-8) because James was right, those trials are working to help us grow in character and patience. We're recognizing our own faults and how we might have contributed to each situation both with each other and in our ministry and being intentional about facing hard things. We're working to give up the right to be understood and well thought of by others and the right to defend ourselves and we're handing our reputation to God to defend and protect as He sees fit* (that doesn't mean that aren't things we still need to address with other people, just that our attitude is one of a desire for God to make His truth known and reconciliation and not acting out of anger or bitterness). We know that there may come a point where we will have to walk away still misunderstood and misjudged and while that might be hard to do, we think we're okay with that.
I think that's called growing up and that's a good thing.
*I want to give credit to a dear friend who is helping us walk through this process...a lot of these are her words, not ours...isn't it awesome how God provides help in time of need?
Since God's working on both of us and we are desiring truth in the inward parts (Psalm 51:6) and wanting to deal with our 'stuff', we've been taking this particular box off of the back shelf and opening it up to see if we can work through this thing instead of denying its existence.
It's not been our favorite thing to do. We've had to say some hard things to each other...things that are incredibly hard to hear and say. Turns out, though, that it was worth the pain of working through these issues because we did it and we survived and we conquered. Turns out that there were some major misunderstandings...turns out Miguel thought I was purposefully being difficult and having a bad attitude and resentment towards him for moving me away from my missionary friends when it was only that I was struggling to handle the heat, the stress of multiple moves, my fourth pregnancy, homeschooling three young children, loneliness from feeling isolated from communication with friends and family...turns out that I felt abandoned and rejected by him when he didn't seem to want to listen when I brought my concerns to him when it was that he was having trouble hearing the way I chose to present those concerns...turns out that he felt uncomfortable with the way I was not acting in culturally appropriate ways and that he felt that it was limiting and negatively affecting his ministry...turns out that we weren't taking our cultural differences into account or talking about those differences and how they were affecting our perception of each others' hearts and motives. Turns out we each were able to own our part of the problem and repent and ask for forgiveness.
I don't know that we've taken care of all of the walls we've built between us, but we're well on our way to completing our own little (huge?) DIY demolishing and rebuilding project here and it feels good. Not like oh goody, we get to dig into some deep hurts, but good in that we're cleaning house, coming to place of understanding and finding new unity. We're choosing to fall in love with each other all over again and trying to be sensitive to each other's cultural point of view.
As hard as these last few months have been for us personally and in our ministry, I am totally thanking and praising God for where He's brought us and how He's working. Instead of obsessing about what went wrong and on the 'if onlys', I am choosing to thank Him for all things, the good, the bad and the ugly because He's redeeming those things and working them out for good. I am truly finding joy in these trials (James 1:2-8) because James was right, those trials are working to help us grow in character and patience. We're recognizing our own faults and how we might have contributed to each situation both with each other and in our ministry and being intentional about facing hard things. We're working to give up the right to be understood and well thought of by others and the right to defend ourselves and we're handing our reputation to God to defend and protect as He sees fit* (that doesn't mean that aren't things we still need to address with other people, just that our attitude is one of a desire for God to make His truth known and reconciliation and not acting out of anger or bitterness). We know that there may come a point where we will have to walk away still misunderstood and misjudged and while that might be hard to do, we think we're okay with that.
I think that's called growing up and that's a good thing.
*I want to give credit to a dear friend who is helping us walk through this process...a lot of these are her words, not ours...isn't it awesome how God provides help in time of need?
Friday, August 20, 2010
On The Other Side
In northern Mexico, one of the ways they refer to the United States is as 'el otro lado', literally 'the other side'. Say, for example, you show a friend something you brought with you from back home and they ask where you bought it, so you tell them "el otro lado", in the U.S. Or you say someone is coming from el otro lado, meaning they are coming in to Mexico from the U.S.
We are now in el otro lado, literally and figuratively. After a very interesting trip from Chihuahua to Arkansas, we're getting settled into our little house in the Village, the missionary housing provided for us by our home church here. I cannot tell you how refreshing and relaxing it is for us to be here in this haven of rest...to be able to walk in the door with only a few personal things and have a fully furnished and beautifully decorated home waiting for you! And not only that, but the grounds are beautiful, too...the Village is not only a peaceful place of rest for Miguel and I, but a very safe place for our kids to play as well.
We're on the other side of our goodbyes and the journey, too, and I can tell that we're still recovering and processing everything from the last few weeks...the kids, too, are struggling to adjust. While they are excited to be here and have other missionary kids and friends to play with, they are cranky and crabby (join the club, lol). Jkaile, especially, has been affected by this move since our apartment in Mexico was the only home he can remember.
As far as our actual trip to el otro lado, I would probably rank it as the worst travel experience we've ever had. Yeah. One of the reasons I'm just so glad to be here! It took us way longer to pack up the van and trailer than we expected, so we got a late start out of Chihuahua at 3 p.m. We decided to go ahead and leave, however, since we figured we'd either drive through the night or just find a hotel along the way. Since the plan was to spend the weekend with my friend Sol (her husband Ciro and son Toñito were in Mexico visiting family) in College Station, Texas, we knew we had a long way to go.
After saying goodbye to our dear friends John and Maria (tears flowed there...well, at least for Maria and I...I think John and Miguel probably kept a stiff upper lip...) who had so graciously opened their home to us for our last two weeks in Mexico, we took off for the border. Miguel was able to cancel our visas and car permit without all of us getting out of the van, so that was nice. On the U.S. side, however, security was tight and they pulled us over for an inspection. They let us go rather quickly, though, so I guess we convinced them of our innocence. :)
Other than Miguel missing a turn-off and making a long detour due to the fact that his navigator was sleeping, the trip proceeded rather smoothly until about 1 a.m. when we got pulled over by a city policeman in a little Texas town. He pulled us over to let us know that the lights on our trailer weren't working, but he also wanted to see license and proof of insurance as well as my driver's license. This is when we found out we didn't have proof of insurance (we knew we had insurance, just couldn't find the proof). Fortunately, he was a kind policeman, didn't give us a ticket or make a fuss about the insurance and after telling us we needed to fix the lights, went off into the night.
Miguel fiddled with the lights for a while and they finally came back on, so it must have just been some loose wiring. Since he noticed that one of the trailer tires was a bit low on air, we decided to go back into town to inflate it a bit more. On the way back out of town, we got pulled over a second time by a state trooper in the exact same spot as the first time we got pulled over! This time, he said he stopped us because he couldn't see our trailer's license plate because the tarp was covering it a bit. Again, license and proof of insurance please...and we were like, um....and once again, we were treated with mercy and he let us go with just a citation and an admonishment to get the proof of insurance as soon as we could. While the state trooper had us pulled over, we overheard a few things on the radio that made us think that security was a bit tight in the area due to the situation with illegal immigrants, so we think that's probably what was going on there...they were probably stopping any suspicious-looking vehicles or ones with out-of-state license plates, which would explain why they weren't so concerned about the insurance papers.
Because of the border crossing and the time lost in the detour and with the lights/getting pulled over, we really lost a lot of time. Once we got up to the interstate where we would turn east, both Miguel and I were so tired that we just pulled over into a rest area behind a bunch of trucks, locked the doors and slept for a couple of hours! When we woke up, we went not-so-merrily on our way because we were just so zonked. I drove for as long as I could to let Miguel sleep more and then Miguel took over again. As the day went on, we felt a bit better and were able to enjoy the beautiful sights of central Texas...there are some really cute little towns there that would be so much fun to explore...such as the German-Texan town of Fredericksburg.
Anyway, about 30 minutes out from College Station, we stopped at a gas station to call Sol and get directions to her house. She was excited to hear from us, but then I had to call her right back to let her know we'd be delayed even more because Miguel had noticed a major problem with one of the trailer tires...it was terribly deformed and literally about to fall off because all the ball bearings had melted! yikes. We were so very thankful to be at a gas station, have a place for the kids and I to sit inside out of the 105 degree heat (even though the lady attending the station was unfortunately less than gracious), and that there was a Tractor Supply Co. literally across the street where Miguel could buy all the parts he needed to replace the tire and tire mount. He also talked with a Mexican guy who happened to be there who called a friend of his to come help Miguel fix the tire more quickly than Miguel could have done it on his own...the compadre system at work there. :)
So by the time we made it to Sol's house, we'd been on the road for 26 hours and were completely and utterly wiped out! While we had an excellent time at Sol's house and it was great to catch up with their lives, I started realizing that I was getting a stomach something. I am pretty sure it was not a flu, but more like amoebic dysentery or some such thing I'd picked up somewhere along the way. My stomach was cramping and I kept having to run to the bathroom every hour or so...not good while traveling. Sol had the right medicine, though, so Sunday night I began that treatment and felt better within about six hours...which was good because I was beginning to wonder if we'd be able to leave that next day after all!
Monday morning, after a good Mexican breakfast, we said our goodbyes to Sol and headed out. There really are no good ways to get to Northwest Arkansas from College Station, so we mapped out what we felt would be the best route on secondary roads even though it would probably take us a bit longer. Everything went well until after lunch when Jojo began throwing up. I felt bad because about all we could do was provide a container for him and just keep going. He didn't complain a lot and we just kept stopping to empty the container...poor guy. Nothing like feeling so sick on the road...
Then about 3 p.m. in a town in northeast Texas, we lost the other tire...we were literally riding on the rim and left some nice grooves in the highway for a while. Miguel had a spare and he and Micah worked to get that tire on so we could go look for a place to buy a new one.
Again, God was good and there was a Tractor Supply Co. just a quarter of a mile back down the highway! It didn't take long for Miguel to get the new tire on while the rest of us hung out in the air conditioning of Home Depot (which would also probably sold the right tires, too) and then we were back on the road. We really enjoyed the scenery on the back roads of eastern Oklahoma, but Miguel was pretty stressed at the thought of losing another tire...once it was dark, he kept looking in the mirrors for signs of sparks! But we made it to Rogers with no more tire troubles...I think we pulled in here around 11:30 p.m. that night. We were greeted by some welcome signs from our friends, the Rasicos, another missionary family we know who are living here at the Village.
So we've been working at getting settled in and getting better...Jojo was sick for the first couple of days we were back and now Gracia and Jkaile might be getting it, too (although I hope not!). I felt pretty badly, too, with my stomach thing, but am gradually getting better now that the medicine is really taking effect. We've been able to see a few friends so far and that's been good. Once we're better, I'm sure we'll be able to get out more. I will also start homeschooling in a couple of weeks, so need to get organized for that...in the meantime, I'm working on helping the kids learn how to live in this house and set up the daily routines before we tackle school.
I think my final thoughts on this trip, though, are that in spite of it being our 'worst' travel experience ever in terms of sickness, length, problems, etc. it was actually one of the best because I did not freak out. I was calm, rational, did not say "I told you so" (not even ONCE), in control of my emotions (okay, well, there were a couple of times...), and had peace that God would take care of us no matter what happened. I have such a thankful heart for the way God is working in me because it made it such a better experience than it would have been if I'd just totally flipped every time something else happened. So neat to see how God continues to work and how much these changes in me have such a positive effect on my family.
We are now in el otro lado, literally and figuratively. After a very interesting trip from Chihuahua to Arkansas, we're getting settled into our little house in the Village, the missionary housing provided for us by our home church here. I cannot tell you how refreshing and relaxing it is for us to be here in this haven of rest...to be able to walk in the door with only a few personal things and have a fully furnished and beautifully decorated home waiting for you! And not only that, but the grounds are beautiful, too...the Village is not only a peaceful place of rest for Miguel and I, but a very safe place for our kids to play as well.
Our house in the Village.
We're on the other side of our goodbyes and the journey, too, and I can tell that we're still recovering and processing everything from the last few weeks...the kids, too, are struggling to adjust. While they are excited to be here and have other missionary kids and friends to play with, they are cranky and crabby (join the club, lol). Jkaile, especially, has been affected by this move since our apartment in Mexico was the only home he can remember.
As far as our actual trip to el otro lado, I would probably rank it as the worst travel experience we've ever had. Yeah. One of the reasons I'm just so glad to be here! It took us way longer to pack up the van and trailer than we expected, so we got a late start out of Chihuahua at 3 p.m. We decided to go ahead and leave, however, since we figured we'd either drive through the night or just find a hotel along the way. Since the plan was to spend the weekend with my friend Sol (her husband Ciro and son Toñito were in Mexico visiting family) in College Station, Texas, we knew we had a long way to go.
After saying goodbye to our dear friends John and Maria (tears flowed there...well, at least for Maria and I...I think John and Miguel probably kept a stiff upper lip...) who had so graciously opened their home to us for our last two weeks in Mexico, we took off for the border. Miguel was able to cancel our visas and car permit without all of us getting out of the van, so that was nice. On the U.S. side, however, security was tight and they pulled us over for an inspection. They let us go rather quickly, though, so I guess we convinced them of our innocence. :)
Other than Miguel missing a turn-off and making a long detour due to the fact that his navigator was sleeping, the trip proceeded rather smoothly until about 1 a.m. when we got pulled over by a city policeman in a little Texas town. He pulled us over to let us know that the lights on our trailer weren't working, but he also wanted to see license and proof of insurance as well as my driver's license. This is when we found out we didn't have proof of insurance (we knew we had insurance, just couldn't find the proof). Fortunately, he was a kind policeman, didn't give us a ticket or make a fuss about the insurance and after telling us we needed to fix the lights, went off into the night.
Miguel fiddled with the lights for a while and they finally came back on, so it must have just been some loose wiring. Since he noticed that one of the trailer tires was a bit low on air, we decided to go back into town to inflate it a bit more. On the way back out of town, we got pulled over a second time by a state trooper in the exact same spot as the first time we got pulled over! This time, he said he stopped us because he couldn't see our trailer's license plate because the tarp was covering it a bit. Again, license and proof of insurance please...and we were like, um....and once again, we were treated with mercy and he let us go with just a citation and an admonishment to get the proof of insurance as soon as we could. While the state trooper had us pulled over, we overheard a few things on the radio that made us think that security was a bit tight in the area due to the situation with illegal immigrants, so we think that's probably what was going on there...they were probably stopping any suspicious-looking vehicles or ones with out-of-state license plates, which would explain why they weren't so concerned about the insurance papers.
Because of the border crossing and the time lost in the detour and with the lights/getting pulled over, we really lost a lot of time. Once we got up to the interstate where we would turn east, both Miguel and I were so tired that we just pulled over into a rest area behind a bunch of trucks, locked the doors and slept for a couple of hours! When we woke up, we went not-so-merrily on our way because we were just so zonked. I drove for as long as I could to let Miguel sleep more and then Miguel took over again. As the day went on, we felt a bit better and were able to enjoy the beautiful sights of central Texas...there are some really cute little towns there that would be so much fun to explore...such as the German-Texan town of Fredericksburg.
Anyway, about 30 minutes out from College Station, we stopped at a gas station to call Sol and get directions to her house. She was excited to hear from us, but then I had to call her right back to let her know we'd be delayed even more because Miguel had noticed a major problem with one of the trailer tires...it was terribly deformed and literally about to fall off because all the ball bearings had melted! yikes. We were so very thankful to be at a gas station, have a place for the kids and I to sit inside out of the 105 degree heat (even though the lady attending the station was unfortunately less than gracious), and that there was a Tractor Supply Co. literally across the street where Miguel could buy all the parts he needed to replace the tire and tire mount. He also talked with a Mexican guy who happened to be there who called a friend of his to come help Miguel fix the tire more quickly than Miguel could have done it on his own...the compadre system at work there. :)
So by the time we made it to Sol's house, we'd been on the road for 26 hours and were completely and utterly wiped out! While we had an excellent time at Sol's house and it was great to catch up with their lives, I started realizing that I was getting a stomach something. I am pretty sure it was not a flu, but more like amoebic dysentery or some such thing I'd picked up somewhere along the way. My stomach was cramping and I kept having to run to the bathroom every hour or so...not good while traveling. Sol had the right medicine, though, so Sunday night I began that treatment and felt better within about six hours...which was good because I was beginning to wonder if we'd be able to leave that next day after all!
Monday morning, after a good Mexican breakfast, we said our goodbyes to Sol and headed out. There really are no good ways to get to Northwest Arkansas from College Station, so we mapped out what we felt would be the best route on secondary roads even though it would probably take us a bit longer. Everything went well until after lunch when Jojo began throwing up. I felt bad because about all we could do was provide a container for him and just keep going. He didn't complain a lot and we just kept stopping to empty the container...poor guy. Nothing like feeling so sick on the road...
Then about 3 p.m. in a town in northeast Texas, we lost the other tire...we were literally riding on the rim and left some nice grooves in the highway for a while. Miguel had a spare and he and Micah worked to get that tire on so we could go look for a place to buy a new one.
Again, God was good and there was a Tractor Supply Co. just a quarter of a mile back down the highway! It didn't take long for Miguel to get the new tire on while the rest of us hung out in the air conditioning of Home Depot (which would also probably sold the right tires, too) and then we were back on the road. We really enjoyed the scenery on the back roads of eastern Oklahoma, but Miguel was pretty stressed at the thought of losing another tire...once it was dark, he kept looking in the mirrors for signs of sparks! But we made it to Rogers with no more tire troubles...I think we pulled in here around 11:30 p.m. that night. We were greeted by some welcome signs from our friends, the Rasicos, another missionary family we know who are living here at the Village.
Nothing like a warm welcome to make
us feel at home!
So we've been working at getting settled in and getting better...Jojo was sick for the first couple of days we were back and now Gracia and Jkaile might be getting it, too (although I hope not!). I felt pretty badly, too, with my stomach thing, but am gradually getting better now that the medicine is really taking effect. We've been able to see a few friends so far and that's been good. Once we're better, I'm sure we'll be able to get out more. I will also start homeschooling in a couple of weeks, so need to get organized for that...in the meantime, I'm working on helping the kids learn how to live in this house and set up the daily routines before we tackle school.
I think my final thoughts on this trip, though, are that in spite of it being our 'worst' travel experience ever in terms of sickness, length, problems, etc. it was actually one of the best because I did not freak out. I was calm, rational, did not say "I told you so" (not even ONCE), in control of my emotions (okay, well, there were a couple of times...), and had peace that God would take care of us no matter what happened. I have such a thankful heart for the way God is working in me because it made it such a better experience than it would have been if I'd just totally flipped every time something else happened. So neat to see how God continues to work and how much these changes in me have such a positive effect on my family.
Friday, March 12, 2010
Modeling Grace
For the umpteenth time that day, I heard the wailing begin.
With a sigh, I dried off my hands and headed towards the bedroom...dreading having to sort out what I thought for certain would be yet another sibling conflict. Something we've been having a LOT of lately!
Instead, the wailing child had merely bonked his chin on closet while getting dressed for bed.
My first response, I am ashamed to say, was to judge. If he hadn't been hopping around and being silly, he probably wouldn't have hurt himself in the first place.
Ouch.
Why can't I just merely comfort and console?! I winced as I realized that I often do not model grace for my children. Not only do they suffer because of my lack of compassion, but I have to ask myself whether this lack of grace be influencing some of the dynamics behind the recent surge in sibling rivalry?
Definitely something to think about.
I don't know why I struggle to receive and give grace...I suppose I could begin tracing back to my childhood and point to all the factors that might have influenced me, but honestly, the fact is that I do struggle with it. I think it would be much more helpful to just accept that truth and focus my energy on learning more about grace from this point on.
I was excited to see this post from Simple Mom in my inbox this morning. Maybe a good place to start (or return to) is by learning how to heap grace on myself. If I am not receiving or working out the grace in my own life, then I obviously won't be heaping it on my family, either! And oh, how we all need heaps of grace!
I typically struggle with knowing how to take care of myself...it was, in fact, one of the biggest factors in our having to leave Venezuela when we did. Years of not heaping grace on myself, not recognizing my limits, and not taking care of myself set me up for a spectacular crash that I'm still recovering from.
The funny thing is, though, while I remember those years with sorrow over my lack of grace, my children remember those same years with fondness as they focus on the good times. The special times we shared as a family and the fun things we did together...I'm so glad that grace is smoothing out the wrinkles in our family history.
I took the stress assessment test, by the way, and got a score of 220 which means..."Take care of yourself now. You have borderline high stress. Your chance of accident or illness related to your stress within two years is moderate." I guess that means I need to go heap some grace on myself today.
With a sigh, I dried off my hands and headed towards the bedroom...dreading having to sort out what I thought for certain would be yet another sibling conflict. Something we've been having a LOT of lately!
Instead, the wailing child had merely bonked his chin on closet while getting dressed for bed.
My first response, I am ashamed to say, was to judge. If he hadn't been hopping around and being silly, he probably wouldn't have hurt himself in the first place.
Ouch.
Why can't I just merely comfort and console?! I winced as I realized that I often do not model grace for my children. Not only do they suffer because of my lack of compassion, but I have to ask myself whether this lack of grace be influencing some of the dynamics behind the recent surge in sibling rivalry?
Definitely something to think about.
I don't know why I struggle to receive and give grace...I suppose I could begin tracing back to my childhood and point to all the factors that might have influenced me, but honestly, the fact is that I do struggle with it. I think it would be much more helpful to just accept that truth and focus my energy on learning more about grace from this point on.
I was excited to see this post from Simple Mom in my inbox this morning. Maybe a good place to start (or return to) is by learning how to heap grace on myself. If I am not receiving or working out the grace in my own life, then I obviously won't be heaping it on my family, either! And oh, how we all need heaps of grace!
I typically struggle with knowing how to take care of myself...it was, in fact, one of the biggest factors in our having to leave Venezuela when we did. Years of not heaping grace on myself, not recognizing my limits, and not taking care of myself set me up for a spectacular crash that I'm still recovering from.
The funny thing is, though, while I remember those years with sorrow over my lack of grace, my children remember those same years with fondness as they focus on the good times. The special times we shared as a family and the fun things we did together...I'm so glad that grace is smoothing out the wrinkles in our family history.
I took the stress assessment test, by the way, and got a score of 220 which means..."Take care of yourself now. You have borderline high stress. Your chance of accident or illness related to your stress within two years is moderate." I guess that means I need to go heap some grace on myself today.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
JD All Dressed Up
Huge, huge blessing this last week! A friend from church took JD to a fancy store and bought him a full suit, complete with shirt and tie! This is JD before taking off to the church youth Valentine's Party...looking pretty spiffy there!
So hard to get him to smile, but
I think I see a little one there...
I think I see a little one there...
There's the tie...none of know how to
actually TIE the thing. Guess I need to learn!
Maybe on youtube or something...
actually TIE the thing. Guess I need to learn!
Maybe on youtube or something...
Friday, January 22, 2010
The Seasons of Marriage
This is a picture of Miguel and I taken last summer...we played frisbee in the park (which would explain my ruddy complexion) and enjoyed the trees and green grass (if you've ever lived in this part of the country, you'll know why that's such a big deal! lol)...I recently heard about a book written by Gary Chapman called The Four Seasons of Marriage...I think I want to read it! This book suggests that marriages tend to move back and forth between seasons of warmth, openness, and closeness and seasons of detachment, discouragement, and uncertainty. Having just recently celebrated 14 years of marriage, the idea of the seasons of marriage makes a lot of sense to me...besides, what a relief to know that it's a natural part of married life! (I have suspected at times that it was just me...)
Using the analogy of seasons in marriage, I guess you could say that we've been going through a time of fall and winter (uncertainty, distance, discouragement) for the last few years...seems like it's been a struggle to survive life in general sometimes...the arrival of four children in 7 years, a rough time of it as we served in Venezuela, family instability stemming from too many moves, my struggle with depression especially after our 4th child was born, a change in mission fields (Miguel tends to feel somewhat 'exiled' from his home country)...all these things and more contributed to a sense of failure in ministry and a struggle to keep our heads above water as a couple, so to speak.
And yet God uses these times in our lives to grow and mature us in the areas we need to work on the most. In fact, sometimes I wonder if God didn't just put us into a great big 'time-out' just so that He could prepare us for further ministry! One of the images I loved best from The Shack*** was when Mack was working with the Holy Spirit out in the garden, digging up deep roots and talking about some difficult areas in Mack's life...the realization that the entire garden was a picture of Mack's life and the gentleness with which the Holy Spirit helped Mack dig up those roots in order to plant something even more beautiful touched me. God has not been harsh in dealing with me, on the contrary, He is gently directing me to those areas of my life He would like to change...
Recently, it seems like there have been hints of Spring in our marriage...a softening in the grip of ice and frost here, a few green shoots poking their heads through the snow there...an openness and acceptance in our relationship in place of the defensiveness and 'high emotions'. I sense genuine change in both of us, a humility that wasn't there before.
For our anniversary this year, my gift to my husband was one of Trust...a pledge to honor and support his ministry decisions, whatever those might be. I aspire to the example of Sarah in I Peter 3:1-6...
Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that,
if any of them do not believe the word,
they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives,
when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.
Your beauty should not come from outward adornment,
such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes.
Instead, it should be that of your inner self,
the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit,
which is of great worth in God's sight.
For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful.
They were submissive to their own husbands, like Sarah,
who obeyed Abraham and called him her master.
You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.
if any of them do not believe the word,
they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives,
when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.
Your beauty should not come from outward adornment,
such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes.
Instead, it should be that of your inner self,
the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit,
which is of great worth in God's sight.
For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful.
They were submissive to their own husbands, like Sarah,
who obeyed Abraham and called him her master.
You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.
We all know how God moved to defend Sarah during those times that Abraham faltered in his faith and made some bad decisions...and yet I tend to waiver in my trust in God and allow fear to control and paralyze me, short-circuiting my relationship to my husband. I am not here to talk about my husband, however, but to take responsibility for my side of the equation, that God calls me to live out my life in faith and trust regardless of my circumstances...to not 'give way to fear' as is my tendency. Another good reminder of why I need to continue to focus on my relationship with God and continue to put down those spiritual roots to stabilize and nourish me in times of trouble and drought.
We still have very little idea of what lies ahead for us or where God will lead us next...but I believe that as we work on the foundation of trust and cry out to the Lord together from a place of unity, those details will fall into place. These are exciting times!
***Yes, yes, I know there was controversy about the book, but it is a good story and I certainly don't base my Christian life or doctrinal beliefs on any novel...
Sunday, December 20, 2009
New Shoes!
To be completely honest with you, money's been tight this semester, which tends to create stress...and yet God is good to provide. Not always how or when we think He should or will, but we have yet to go hungry and we've been able to pay our bills. This last week, we were tremendously blessed by a local Mexican church here in the city who graciously bought all of the kids in our family brand new shoes! at the mall! And not only for our family, but they bought new shoes for the children of several missionary families! A true blessing and encouragement to all of us!
At the shoe store...
Jkaile...
Trying on the shoes...
After buying us the shoes, we were treated to
supper...
supper...
And after supper, ice cream bars from Dairy Queen!
A real treat for the kids!
A real treat for the kids!
All the kids with their new shoes...
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Back and Forth
I got my mundane in yesterday! Not that mundane means boring or uneventful...just that it was a pretty ordinary, common sort of day for a stay-at-home Mom. I actually got to stay home and nothing really stressful happened. I spent the morning doing laundry, chased after Jkaile (he is obsessed with the dog water and the powdered laundry soap), tossed the ball for the dog while I was outside (since she's really annoying if you don't), got the dishes done, swept the floor (twice), fixed meals, cleaned up after the kids, and then actually had company for supper!
As I was thinking about what to have for supper yesterday, the thought ocurred to me to make potato soup. That thought stayed with me all day, especially since I remembered that I had some bacon, which makes the potato soup all the yummier! As I was putting the potatoes on to cook, the thought ocurred to me to invite the three single girls down for supper.
I don't know about you, but sometimes I struggle with extending spontaneous invites...is it really a prompting from the Lord or just one of my ideas? Oh, they'll probably say no, they're busy, what difference does it make if I invite them or not...and then I end up talking myself out of it entirely. But the idea stayed with me, so I sent the kids up to ask (aren't I brave?!)...it was cute how excited they were to do that for me! Miss Erika (that's what we call her for the kid's sakes-so cute to hear Jojo asking for "Mith Ewika") came down and said she'd love to come and were the other two girls invited, too, which of course they all were. So about an hour later, we all sat down to potato soup and home-made biscuits...the soup turned out a tad bit salty, but oh so good! I noticed that the girls were eating with gusto (we polished off an entire batch of biscuits!) and then Miss Erika mentioned that they didn't have any food in the house! So there, I think it was a prompting from the Lord and I am so glad I listened! And you know what? Even if they hadn't been able to come, it would have shown them love, so what am I worried about?
Bedtime was uneventful for the most part, everyone went down without a fuss...although I've been having to deal with a health issue with Gracia. It's sort of an unappetizing issue, but common for living overseas (even stateside!), but it would appear that she has a bad case of pinworms. :( Which are worse at night. I didn't get a clue until a couple of nights ago. It does help her to sleep better if she soaks in the tub right before bed, but have I remembered to do that until after bedtime? Sigh...but anyway, she woke up crying about the time I was ready for bed and I felt quite frustrated thinking it was going to be another difficult night for her. As I sat there thinking what to do, I remembered that I did have some worm medicine, left over from the last round. So I gave her that, soaked her in the tub, put her back in bed with a princess movie, and went back to bed. What can I say...I was rather desperate for sleep!
So that was yesterday...mundane...today not so mundane. I did not sleep well last night even though Gracia didn't come sleep with me. The dogs barked a lot, probably at the pack of dogs that roams up and down our street every once in a while. It's enough to get me out there with the pellet gun taking potshots at them at 2 in the morning! So when I got up, I could already tell that today was probably the day that I needed to Ask for Help. I don't know why it is so hard for me to ask for help? Is it a pride issue, not wanting to appear so needy? Am I just afraid that people will say no? Regardless, it is just really hard for me to ask for help, I'd rather just tough it out alone, but that doesn't usually turn out so good.
So back to this morning, Jojo fell off the trampoline (I know, I know, we're looking into getting the net)...he wasn't too hurt, just scraped his chin. The laundry came out with lint all over everything (I don't think I like that soap). I had to go pick up Micah from school because he's sick and while I was there, I realized that his bicycle is missing. He forgot to bring it home yesterday from school and now it's gone. Someone may have moved it, but the most likely thing is that it has been stolen. I got pretty stressed about that, but just had to give it to God and not waste any more of my emotional energy worrying over that! I forgot to arrange for someone to pick Gracia up from kindergarten...thank goodness for friends who notice things like that while they are picking up their own child. :)
On the other hand, I am really proud of myself (in a good way, of course!) because I did ask for help. I called and asked for help getting the kids to school and I called and asked for help to get a nap; a time when I was not in charge of anyone else and could just check out. Just having another grown-up to talk to was energizingenough! Know what I mean? And someone is going to bring me supper tonight and tomorrow night! Other positives: all of the dirty laundry now fits into the basket-that's progress! I missed Bible study, but didn't miss the video because it didn't work or something, yay! I hate missing video day. Micah seems to be feeling better already. And the full moon in a cloudless night sky is breathtaking tonight!
This post might sound somewhat like a poor-me rant, but honestly, I am pretty happy because that's not how I'm feeling! I am so grateful for the changes in me that are allowing me to have joy through stressful times...I might be struggling to 'tread water' but I'm not going under! I am asking for help when I need it and I'm handing things to God instead of trying to control them and take care of them myself. I can have a couple of bad days without entering into hopelessness and despair because I know that it's just that...a couple of bad days. Praise you, Lord! God is good.
Being confident of this,
P.S. Miguel called this afternoon, they are down out of the mountains so now we can at least talk on the phone now! It was so good just to hear his voice! He will be flying home on Sunday morning, hopefully early. :)
As I was thinking about what to have for supper yesterday, the thought ocurred to me to make potato soup. That thought stayed with me all day, especially since I remembered that I had some bacon, which makes the potato soup all the yummier! As I was putting the potatoes on to cook, the thought ocurred to me to invite the three single girls down for supper.
I don't know about you, but sometimes I struggle with extending spontaneous invites...is it really a prompting from the Lord or just one of my ideas? Oh, they'll probably say no, they're busy, what difference does it make if I invite them or not...and then I end up talking myself out of it entirely. But the idea stayed with me, so I sent the kids up to ask (aren't I brave?!)...it was cute how excited they were to do that for me! Miss Erika (that's what we call her for the kid's sakes-so cute to hear Jojo asking for "Mith Ewika") came down and said she'd love to come and were the other two girls invited, too, which of course they all were. So about an hour later, we all sat down to potato soup and home-made biscuits...the soup turned out a tad bit salty, but oh so good! I noticed that the girls were eating with gusto (we polished off an entire batch of biscuits!) and then Miss Erika mentioned that they didn't have any food in the house! So there, I think it was a prompting from the Lord and I am so glad I listened! And you know what? Even if they hadn't been able to come, it would have shown them love, so what am I worried about?
Bedtime was uneventful for the most part, everyone went down without a fuss...although I've been having to deal with a health issue with Gracia. It's sort of an unappetizing issue, but common for living overseas (even stateside!), but it would appear that she has a bad case of pinworms. :( Which are worse at night. I didn't get a clue until a couple of nights ago. It does help her to sleep better if she soaks in the tub right before bed, but have I remembered to do that until after bedtime? Sigh...but anyway, she woke up crying about the time I was ready for bed and I felt quite frustrated thinking it was going to be another difficult night for her. As I sat there thinking what to do, I remembered that I did have some worm medicine, left over from the last round. So I gave her that, soaked her in the tub, put her back in bed with a princess movie, and went back to bed. What can I say...I was rather desperate for sleep!
So that was yesterday...mundane...today not so mundane. I did not sleep well last night even though Gracia didn't come sleep with me. The dogs barked a lot, probably at the pack of dogs that roams up and down our street every once in a while. It's enough to get me out there with the pellet gun taking potshots at them at 2 in the morning! So when I got up, I could already tell that today was probably the day that I needed to Ask for Help. I don't know why it is so hard for me to ask for help? Is it a pride issue, not wanting to appear so needy? Am I just afraid that people will say no? Regardless, it is just really hard for me to ask for help, I'd rather just tough it out alone, but that doesn't usually turn out so good.
So back to this morning, Jojo fell off the trampoline (I know, I know, we're looking into getting the net)...he wasn't too hurt, just scraped his chin. The laundry came out with lint all over everything (I don't think I like that soap). I had to go pick up Micah from school because he's sick and while I was there, I realized that his bicycle is missing. He forgot to bring it home yesterday from school and now it's gone. Someone may have moved it, but the most likely thing is that it has been stolen. I got pretty stressed about that, but just had to give it to God and not waste any more of my emotional energy worrying over that! I forgot to arrange for someone to pick Gracia up from kindergarten...thank goodness for friends who notice things like that while they are picking up their own child. :)
On the other hand, I am really proud of myself (in a good way, of course!) because I did ask for help. I called and asked for help getting the kids to school and I called and asked for help to get a nap; a time when I was not in charge of anyone else and could just check out. Just having another grown-up to talk to was energizingenough! Know what I mean? And someone is going to bring me supper tonight and tomorrow night! Other positives: all of the dirty laundry now fits into the basket-that's progress! I missed Bible study, but didn't miss the video because it didn't work or something, yay! I hate missing video day. Micah seems to be feeling better already. And the full moon in a cloudless night sky is breathtaking tonight!
This post might sound somewhat like a poor-me rant, but honestly, I am pretty happy because that's not how I'm feeling! I am so grateful for the changes in me that are allowing me to have joy through stressful times...I might be struggling to 'tread water' but I'm not going under! I am asking for help when I need it and I'm handing things to God instead of trying to control them and take care of them myself. I can have a couple of bad days without entering into hopelessness and despair because I know that it's just that...a couple of bad days. Praise you, Lord! God is good.
Being confident of this,
that he who began a good work in you
will carry it on to completion
until the day of Christ Jesus.
Philippians 1:6
P.S. Miguel called this afternoon, they are down out of the mountains so now we can at least talk on the phone now! It was so good just to hear his voice! He will be flying home on Sunday morning, hopefully early. :)
Sunday, August 10, 2008
I think my brain is on hold!
I really want to post something here since I haven't written any updates about our move to Mexico, but I think I am still really tired from the efforts of packing and traveling and my brain is mush. I wish that I could think up some really catchy title for this post, write a detailed description of our trip, and then post a picture, but...yeah. It's 9:30 p.m. on our third day in the country and I think my brain went on auto-pilot about 5 hours ago! And I haven't downloaded pictures from our camera yet. Sigh.
So this short post will have to suffice for the moment...it's enough to say that we arrived at our destination and that we're alive. And God is good...really, really good.
So this short post will have to suffice for the moment...it's enough to say that we arrived at our destination and that we're alive. And God is good...really, really good.
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