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Showing posts with label change. Show all posts
Showing posts with label change. Show all posts
Saturday, February 2, 2013
Saturday, June 2, 2012
Hard Goodbyes and Changes
Goodbyes are usually hard, although some of them more than others. Changes are a constant in our lives on the mission field and all of them bring with them losses and gains.
Change is on us again and we are once more saying goodbyes and some of them are really hard.
The first stage in our ministry plan is completed (woohoo!) and we have been sensing that in order to move forward with the next step of our ministry plan, it will be strategic for us to move to another town closer to the mountains. The second step of our ministry plan involves a completing survey investigation/research project among the Totonacan people group to investigate the penetration of the Gospel into the Totonacan communities and the discipleship process in the Totonacan churches. In order to really be able to carry out this survey project, we will have to make more frequent trips to the mountains to visit our Totonacan contacts in the various communities there.
In thinking about a strategic place for us to live, we chose a small town to the north of Puebla that is a hub for bus transportation for the mountain communities. This little town is also the home base of a small mission agency called LAMM. LAMM mobilizes Mexican missionaries to go overseas with agencies such as Pioneers, Wycliffe and Frontiers. Since LAMM has a partnership agreement with Pioneers, however, any Mexican missionaries that God might raise to join our project among the Totonacan people would be members of LAMM. This week we had a long conversation with the LAMM director and his coworker and we were able to discuss various ways that we could be of mutual benefit once we live in this little town.
As exciting as it is to be moving forward with our ministry plan, moving away from our cozy home on Totchli Street and away from Puebla implies saying goodbyes to some pretty amazing friendships that God has sent our way. It also means disconnecting a bit from our local church here in Puebla, although we will continue to work closely with them as we continue to develop a partnership to help them carry out their vision for reaching the Totonacan people.
We're still letting people know that we're moving and it's hard knowing how people like our small group family (and Gracia's best friend who is their daughter) will react. I was able to talk to one of my best friends here last week, Monica, about our impending move and afterwards I allowed myself a few days to really grieve over the loss of her friendship. We are really two peas in a pod and I have enjoyed Monica's friendship deeply.
What I dreaded the most, however, was telling our neighbors that we were leaving, especially our neighbors Liberal and Gloria. We have found a rare kind of friendship in this special family and they love our kids as if they were their own. And while we're not moving away from Mexico altogether and will be living less than an hour away, it still won't be the same as living three doors down from each other.
When we first moved here, I was tempted not to get to know the neighbors that well because I knew our stay here would be rather temporary. But instead of holding myself back and away, I willingly opened myself up to the new friendships anyway and I found out that just like I read here, the relationship is always worth the goodbye.
So yesterday I worked up my courage and told Gloria that we were moving. And I was right, she didn't take it very well and ended up sobbing on my shoulder for a few minutes as she tried to assimilate that news. Then we went to her house and she loved on me with coffee and cookies and we talked of our plans.
Once we decided to move a couple of weeks ago, things started happening really fast! Another missionary family here approached us with the idea of house-sitting for them during the months of June and July while they take a trip back stateside. Their house is roomy (with four full bathrooms!) and located on a large property with plenty of space for kids and dog to run and play. And taking care of their house will also give us the opportunity to move out of this house and turn it back over to the owners without the pressure of trying to pack while living here at the same time.
So by the end of July, we hope to have a house in a different town and be settling in there to focus on the survey investigation and new ministry opportunities. We plan to continue to visit Puebla from time to time, possibly weekly since Gracia would like to continue her dance classes. And we do look forward to continuing to build our relationship with our church here in Puebla as we partner together to reach the Totonacan people.
Exciting stuff, but in the meantime, the goodbyes rather stink.
Change is on us again and we are once more saying goodbyes and some of them are really hard.
The first stage in our ministry plan is completed (woohoo!) and we have been sensing that in order to move forward with the next step of our ministry plan, it will be strategic for us to move to another town closer to the mountains. The second step of our ministry plan involves a completing survey investigation/research project among the Totonacan people group to investigate the penetration of the Gospel into the Totonacan communities and the discipleship process in the Totonacan churches. In order to really be able to carry out this survey project, we will have to make more frequent trips to the mountains to visit our Totonacan contacts in the various communities there.
In thinking about a strategic place for us to live, we chose a small town to the north of Puebla that is a hub for bus transportation for the mountain communities. This little town is also the home base of a small mission agency called LAMM. LAMM mobilizes Mexican missionaries to go overseas with agencies such as Pioneers, Wycliffe and Frontiers. Since LAMM has a partnership agreement with Pioneers, however, any Mexican missionaries that God might raise to join our project among the Totonacan people would be members of LAMM. This week we had a long conversation with the LAMM director and his coworker and we were able to discuss various ways that we could be of mutual benefit once we live in this little town.
As exciting as it is to be moving forward with our ministry plan, moving away from our cozy home on Totchli Street and away from Puebla implies saying goodbyes to some pretty amazing friendships that God has sent our way. It also means disconnecting a bit from our local church here in Puebla, although we will continue to work closely with them as we continue to develop a partnership to help them carry out their vision for reaching the Totonacan people.
We're still letting people know that we're moving and it's hard knowing how people like our small group family (and Gracia's best friend who is their daughter) will react. I was able to talk to one of my best friends here last week, Monica, about our impending move and afterwards I allowed myself a few days to really grieve over the loss of her friendship. We are really two peas in a pod and I have enjoyed Monica's friendship deeply.
What I dreaded the most, however, was telling our neighbors that we were leaving, especially our neighbors Liberal and Gloria. We have found a rare kind of friendship in this special family and they love our kids as if they were their own. And while we're not moving away from Mexico altogether and will be living less than an hour away, it still won't be the same as living three doors down from each other.
When we first moved here, I was tempted not to get to know the neighbors that well because I knew our stay here would be rather temporary. But instead of holding myself back and away, I willingly opened myself up to the new friendships anyway and I found out that just like I read here, the relationship is always worth the goodbye.
So yesterday I worked up my courage and told Gloria that we were moving. And I was right, she didn't take it very well and ended up sobbing on my shoulder for a few minutes as she tried to assimilate that news. Then we went to her house and she loved on me with coffee and cookies and we talked of our plans.
Once we decided to move a couple of weeks ago, things started happening really fast! Another missionary family here approached us with the idea of house-sitting for them during the months of June and July while they take a trip back stateside. Their house is roomy (with four full bathrooms!) and located on a large property with plenty of space for kids and dog to run and play. And taking care of their house will also give us the opportunity to move out of this house and turn it back over to the owners without the pressure of trying to pack while living here at the same time.
So by the end of July, we hope to have a house in a different town and be settling in there to focus on the survey investigation and new ministry opportunities. We plan to continue to visit Puebla from time to time, possibly weekly since Gracia would like to continue her dance classes. And we do look forward to continuing to build our relationship with our church here in Puebla as we partner together to reach the Totonacan people.
Exciting stuff, but in the meantime, the goodbyes rather stink.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Sobriety
Last week at my group session one of the women arrived late (and yes, I do have her permission to share this story...normally what happens in group time is confidential). During her time to share, she apologized for being late and admitted that even though she really needed to be drinking liquids because of some congestion, she had not brought in her Sonic cup because she was concerned that we would somehow judge her, thinking she had been late because she stopped by Sonic...even though it was old Sonic cup that she was 'recycling' and she hadn't even been to Sonic that morning. We had a good laugh at that one and sent her out to the car to get her cup...
And even though we laughed, we weren't really laughing at her so much as at ourselves because that's what we do and that's how we are, isn't it? I appreciate her transparency because it got me thinking about myself. I have spent a lot of time and energy trying to figure out what other people might think of me if I do this or that...how will this come across, what will they think if I do that or say that...obsessing about the possibility of being judged and perhaps offending someone...or agonizing about decisions and becoming paralyzed and then not caring for myself in healthy ways because I choose to try to please someone else instead of giving myself permission to care for my own needs (somehow the whole 'thinking of others first' thing got all distorted). I can remember hours of obsessing about previous conversations or situations and literally convincing myself that people might not ever want to see or talk to me again, certain that I had probably offended them with this or that comment...yeah, I agree, it's exhausting!
This is the nightmare of codependency (by no means a clinical definition, obviously, just my personal perspective). For me, codependency often means taking on too much responsibility for others' emotions and reactions/responses and trying fix things that are not mine to fix.
In recovery, it's a little easier to define 'sobriety' for an alcoholic or a drug addict because, well, it's pretty obvious. But with issues like codependency, it's a little harder to define what sobriety is...for me it's more about intentionally working on and facing my issues and marking off the time since surrendering that issue to Christ. And then looking back to see if patterns are changing and whether I can detect if I am becoming more healthy. And then one day something happens that is like, wow, I'm changing!
That's been my experience. For instance, I went to Walmart just a little after lunch on Sunday I didn't really want to be there at that particular time since I wasn't feeling too well and I knew it would be crowded, but I had to buy some things for the salad I had signed up to take to community group that night. I remembered to pick up a few other things we needed as well and I kind of guesstimated how many items I had, deciding that I could go through the fast lane because it appeared that I had about 18 things, give or take a few. All the lanes were really busy and it took me a while to get to the register.
As I was putting my things on the counter, a guy behind me said, "Excuse me, ma'am, but I work with Walmart and I wanted to talk to you about how many items you have in your cart." And I was like, seriously?! The poor guy's wife was obviously embarrassed at his behavior and quickly assured me that he did not work with Walmart. She tried to cover up her discomfort by explaining to me that they were just a little frustrated with their shopping experience since they had been in been in another Walmart and the electricity had gone out. So they had come to this Walmart and were having to deal with the crowded store and slow service. I began chatting with them about how inconvenient that was while I kept checking out...and then of course, the card reader wouldn't read my cards for the first few attempts so it took longer than usual to get out of there.
What struck me is that my response to this situation was so different than it would have before...for one thing, I did not let this man's inappropriate comments bother me, period. I just didn't let it in. Then I was able to sympathize with their "plight" even though they really did choose a pretty bad time to go to Walmart if they wanted to get in and out quickly...I knew it would be busy at that hour and pretty much just expected for it to be slow going. I absolutely did not obsess about my choice of going through the fast lane (okay, I will admit to later counting my items, there were 22...yes, over 20 but pretty close and some things were multiple items) and I definitely did not obsess about the conversation with these people. If they want to think I'm a loser and such a criminal for going through the fast lane with 2 items too many (and I doubt they actually counted), then that is their problem and not mine. I'm probably never going to see them again anyway, so why should I have my life ruined by the opinions of strangers? In fact, I was rather amused at the whole situation instead of feeling embarrassed or annoyed.
So I think that's pretty good evidence of 'sobriety' for my codependency and that's pretty cool.
And even though we laughed, we weren't really laughing at her so much as at ourselves because that's what we do and that's how we are, isn't it? I appreciate her transparency because it got me thinking about myself. I have spent a lot of time and energy trying to figure out what other people might think of me if I do this or that...how will this come across, what will they think if I do that or say that...obsessing about the possibility of being judged and perhaps offending someone...or agonizing about decisions and becoming paralyzed and then not caring for myself in healthy ways because I choose to try to please someone else instead of giving myself permission to care for my own needs (somehow the whole 'thinking of others first' thing got all distorted). I can remember hours of obsessing about previous conversations or situations and literally convincing myself that people might not ever want to see or talk to me again, certain that I had probably offended them with this or that comment...yeah, I agree, it's exhausting!
This is the nightmare of codependency (by no means a clinical definition, obviously, just my personal perspective). For me, codependency often means taking on too much responsibility for others' emotions and reactions/responses and trying fix things that are not mine to fix.
In recovery, it's a little easier to define 'sobriety' for an alcoholic or a drug addict because, well, it's pretty obvious. But with issues like codependency, it's a little harder to define what sobriety is...for me it's more about intentionally working on and facing my issues and marking off the time since surrendering that issue to Christ. And then looking back to see if patterns are changing and whether I can detect if I am becoming more healthy. And then one day something happens that is like, wow, I'm changing!
That's been my experience. For instance, I went to Walmart just a little after lunch on Sunday I didn't really want to be there at that particular time since I wasn't feeling too well and I knew it would be crowded, but I had to buy some things for the salad I had signed up to take to community group that night. I remembered to pick up a few other things we needed as well and I kind of guesstimated how many items I had, deciding that I could go through the fast lane because it appeared that I had about 18 things, give or take a few. All the lanes were really busy and it took me a while to get to the register.
As I was putting my things on the counter, a guy behind me said, "Excuse me, ma'am, but I work with Walmart and I wanted to talk to you about how many items you have in your cart." And I was like, seriously?! The poor guy's wife was obviously embarrassed at his behavior and quickly assured me that he did not work with Walmart. She tried to cover up her discomfort by explaining to me that they were just a little frustrated with their shopping experience since they had been in been in another Walmart and the electricity had gone out. So they had come to this Walmart and were having to deal with the crowded store and slow service. I began chatting with them about how inconvenient that was while I kept checking out...and then of course, the card reader wouldn't read my cards for the first few attempts so it took longer than usual to get out of there.
What struck me is that my response to this situation was so different than it would have before...for one thing, I did not let this man's inappropriate comments bother me, period. I just didn't let it in. Then I was able to sympathize with their "plight" even though they really did choose a pretty bad time to go to Walmart if they wanted to get in and out quickly...I knew it would be busy at that hour and pretty much just expected for it to be slow going. I absolutely did not obsess about my choice of going through the fast lane (okay, I will admit to later counting my items, there were 22...yes, over 20 but pretty close and some things were multiple items) and I definitely did not obsess about the conversation with these people. If they want to think I'm a loser and such a criminal for going through the fast lane with 2 items too many (and I doubt they actually counted), then that is their problem and not mine. I'm probably never going to see them again anyway, so why should I have my life ruined by the opinions of strangers? In fact, I was rather amused at the whole situation instead of feeling embarrassed or annoyed.
So I think that's pretty good evidence of 'sobriety' for my codependency and that's pretty cool.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Jojo's New Haircut
We have typically liked our boys to have long hair...some boys just look good with longish styles of hair! Although Jojo's hair was a bit skimpy when he was a baby, it's grown out more and more every year.
So imagine my surprise when Miguel brought Jojo back from his hair cut a couple of days ago looking like this! I mean, it's like "Who are you and what did you do with my Jojo?!" lol I have to admit, however, he does look a lot more grown up!
Jojo at around one and half...
Christmas 2009
So imagine my surprise when Miguel brought Jojo back from his hair cut a couple of days ago looking like this! I mean, it's like "Who are you and what did you do with my Jojo?!" lol I have to admit, however, he does look a lot more grown up!
Friday, January 22, 2010
The Seasons of Marriage
This is a picture of Miguel and I taken last summer...we played frisbee in the park (which would explain my ruddy complexion) and enjoyed the trees and green grass (if you've ever lived in this part of the country, you'll know why that's such a big deal! lol)...I recently heard about a book written by Gary Chapman called The Four Seasons of Marriage...I think I want to read it! This book suggests that marriages tend to move back and forth between seasons of warmth, openness, and closeness and seasons of detachment, discouragement, and uncertainty. Having just recently celebrated 14 years of marriage, the idea of the seasons of marriage makes a lot of sense to me...besides, what a relief to know that it's a natural part of married life! (I have suspected at times that it was just me...)
Using the analogy of seasons in marriage, I guess you could say that we've been going through a time of fall and winter (uncertainty, distance, discouragement) for the last few years...seems like it's been a struggle to survive life in general sometimes...the arrival of four children in 7 years, a rough time of it as we served in Venezuela, family instability stemming from too many moves, my struggle with depression especially after our 4th child was born, a change in mission fields (Miguel tends to feel somewhat 'exiled' from his home country)...all these things and more contributed to a sense of failure in ministry and a struggle to keep our heads above water as a couple, so to speak.
And yet God uses these times in our lives to grow and mature us in the areas we need to work on the most. In fact, sometimes I wonder if God didn't just put us into a great big 'time-out' just so that He could prepare us for further ministry! One of the images I loved best from The Shack*** was when Mack was working with the Holy Spirit out in the garden, digging up deep roots and talking about some difficult areas in Mack's life...the realization that the entire garden was a picture of Mack's life and the gentleness with which the Holy Spirit helped Mack dig up those roots in order to plant something even more beautiful touched me. God has not been harsh in dealing with me, on the contrary, He is gently directing me to those areas of my life He would like to change...
Recently, it seems like there have been hints of Spring in our marriage...a softening in the grip of ice and frost here, a few green shoots poking their heads through the snow there...an openness and acceptance in our relationship in place of the defensiveness and 'high emotions'. I sense genuine change in both of us, a humility that wasn't there before.
For our anniversary this year, my gift to my husband was one of Trust...a pledge to honor and support his ministry decisions, whatever those might be. I aspire to the example of Sarah in I Peter 3:1-6...
Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that,
if any of them do not believe the word,
they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives,
when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.
Your beauty should not come from outward adornment,
such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes.
Instead, it should be that of your inner self,
the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit,
which is of great worth in God's sight.
For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful.
They were submissive to their own husbands, like Sarah,
who obeyed Abraham and called him her master.
You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.
if any of them do not believe the word,
they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives,
when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.
Your beauty should not come from outward adornment,
such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes.
Instead, it should be that of your inner self,
the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit,
which is of great worth in God's sight.
For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful.
They were submissive to their own husbands, like Sarah,
who obeyed Abraham and called him her master.
You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.
We all know how God moved to defend Sarah during those times that Abraham faltered in his faith and made some bad decisions...and yet I tend to waiver in my trust in God and allow fear to control and paralyze me, short-circuiting my relationship to my husband. I am not here to talk about my husband, however, but to take responsibility for my side of the equation, that God calls me to live out my life in faith and trust regardless of my circumstances...to not 'give way to fear' as is my tendency. Another good reminder of why I need to continue to focus on my relationship with God and continue to put down those spiritual roots to stabilize and nourish me in times of trouble and drought.
We still have very little idea of what lies ahead for us or where God will lead us next...but I believe that as we work on the foundation of trust and cry out to the Lord together from a place of unity, those details will fall into place. These are exciting times!
***Yes, yes, I know there was controversy about the book, but it is a good story and I certainly don't base my Christian life or doctrinal beliefs on any novel...
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Flying Solo
Well, Miguel is off 'gallivanting' around Venezuela while I stay home and 'hold down the fort'. It's not my favorite thing, to be left at home, but honestly I'd rather be doing that than actually traveling with Miguel! I still feel like I haven't recovered my energy and stamina after moving and traveling so much during the last few years and I'm quite happy to stay home this time, thank you.
But when Miguel is gone, it becomes really obvious to me how much he does for me around the house and with the kids! A case of absence makes the heart grow fonder?! :) He often washes dishes...he sweeps the kitchen/dining room/living room (all sort of one big area) several times a day...he helps me with the never-ending task of laundry...and he helps corral the kids...and MORE! I really can't complain that he is not involved in our lives! So, here I am, missing him; flying solo while waiting for his return...which is scheduled for July 5th. Not really that far off, but seems like a long time to me!
His purpose in going to Venezuela is to visit family/friends and deal with his bank account there. While the account isn't exactly frozen, he is not being allowed to do anything with the money in it except in person. Kinda hard to accomplish when one does not actually live there! But it's a good time for him to travel and he's excited that he will be able to see his entire family and bring his Mom, Delia, and little brother, José David (now 16), back for a visit (Lord willing!).
The plan at this point is for Delia to stay with us for about a month, but to try to keep José David with us long-term, if it is possible paperwork-wise, etc. JD, as we like to call him, lived with us for a year there in Venezuela when he was younger and we see him as being a part of our family. Because of the circumstances at that time, it wasn't possible for us to take him back to the U.S. with us, but now that Miguel has his U.S. citizenship, he can apply for JD's U.S. paperwork...all very exciting stuff! :D
There will be significant challenges for both us and him as we adjust to adding another member to the family and having a teenager in the house (suggestions, anyone?!). JD will also need to adjust to different ways of doing things, our expectations and boundaries are quite different than what he's been used to! And he will need to brush up on his English, although he already does well, he's not been using it on a daily basis like he will here.
But when Miguel is gone, it becomes really obvious to me how much he does for me around the house and with the kids! A case of absence makes the heart grow fonder?! :) He often washes dishes...he sweeps the kitchen/dining room/living room (all sort of one big area) several times a day...he helps me with the never-ending task of laundry...and he helps corral the kids...and MORE! I really can't complain that he is not involved in our lives! So, here I am, missing him; flying solo while waiting for his return...which is scheduled for July 5th. Not really that far off, but seems like a long time to me!
His purpose in going to Venezuela is to visit family/friends and deal with his bank account there. While the account isn't exactly frozen, he is not being allowed to do anything with the money in it except in person. Kinda hard to accomplish when one does not actually live there! But it's a good time for him to travel and he's excited that he will be able to see his entire family and bring his Mom, Delia, and little brother, José David (now 16), back for a visit (Lord willing!).
The plan at this point is for Delia to stay with us for about a month, but to try to keep José David with us long-term, if it is possible paperwork-wise, etc. JD, as we like to call him, lived with us for a year there in Venezuela when he was younger and we see him as being a part of our family. Because of the circumstances at that time, it wasn't possible for us to take him back to the U.S. with us, but now that Miguel has his U.S. citizenship, he can apply for JD's U.S. paperwork...all very exciting stuff! :D
There will be significant challenges for both us and him as we adjust to adding another member to the family and having a teenager in the house (suggestions, anyone?!). JD will also need to adjust to different ways of doing things, our expectations and boundaries are quite different than what he's been used to! And he will need to brush up on his English, although he already does well, he's not been using it on a daily basis like he will here.
José David
The biggest challenge for me while Miguel is gone is caring for the kids...seems like things can go from calm to chaotic in a heartbeat! :( We got out of our routine there for a couple of days and it seems like everyone's behavior has gotten a bit out of control as well...so I've been working to "reclaim the house" (as a friend put it so aptly) and hopefully by tomorrow, things will be going much more smoothly. Next week is VBS at our church, which will help us pass the time as well...
And you'd think after having other kids, I'd remember how challenging it is to have a two year old! Well, almost two, his birthday is coming up next month...but no, I seem to have forgotten...Jkaile oh so cheerfully goes from making one disaster to another, getting into the cabinets, my make-up, unrolling toilet paper, flinging toys here and there, breaking things, playing in the toilet (and using a cup to pour toilet water around the bathroom!)...this last week, he discovered how to carry the stool around to different places and reach the unreachable...just look at the expression on his face when I caught him at the counter this time!
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Dots
I am thinking about changing the look of my blog. I like the dots except that it seems to have a lot of space around the edges and puts the text kind of skinny down the middle. I also noticed that it cuts me out of the family picture! LOL! I find that kind of amusing seeing as I don't really like that picture of me anyway! I am not really all that picky about the pretties around the edges, my purpose is to write, but a change is nice every once in a while...
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