A Heavy Heart

It was with a heavy heart that I received the news that one of my cousins on my dad's side had lost a son in a car accident. How do you grieve the loss of a child? My heart goes out to this family, they have seen a lot of trouble in their lives...I wish I could be there to bless and encourage them, but the best I can do is to add my name to some flowers together with my Mom and sisters and pray. A lot. It's hard to be away from family in times like these.

I think I'll be hugging my kids a bit closer tonight.

Robert Wayne Hardee III

Obituary

Robert Wayne Hardee III, 4, Miami, OK passed into eternal rest April 9, 2010 from injuries sustained in an automobile accident.

Robert Wayne Hardee III was born May 18, 2005 in Miami, OK. He attended House of Prayer Church in Fairland and the Miami Head Start.

Robert is survived by his mother Tamara Hardee of Miami and his father Robert Hardee II of Wyandotte; two sisters, Charletta Hardee and Vanessa Hardee both of the home; Maternal grandparents, Rex and Dianna Conduff, Seneca; Paternal grandparents, Robert and Phyllis Hardee Wyandotte; Maternal great-grandparents, Charles and Margie Terry, Seneca; a host of Aunts, Uncles and cousins.

Funeral services under the direction of Campbell-Biddlecome Funeral Home, Seneca will be held 10:00 AM, Tuesday, April 13, 2010 at the Campbell-Biddlecome Chapel with Pastor Leon Brickford and David Cox officiating. Burial will be in the Neosho Memorial Park Cemetery with Ricky Conduff, David Cox, Cody Cox and CA Terry officiating.

Living in Mystery

mys·tery

1 a religious truth that one can know only by revelation and cannot fully understand 2 something not understood or beyond understanding: enigma 3 profound, inexplicable, or secretive quality or character

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I do not want you to be ignorant of this mystery, brothers... Romans 11:25

And he made known to us the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure, which he purposed in Christ... Ephesians 1:9

...the mystery that has been kept hidden for ages and generations, but is now disclosed to the saints. Colossians 1:26

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A book* I recently finished pointed out that the apostle Paul uses the word mystery about 21 times to refer to the hidden purposes of God...that is, that God doesn't always explain the 'whys' to some of life's problems. And that is a mystery to us!

Sometimes God clears up the mystery quickly, in a matter of hours or days...but then other times, mystery can last for years as we wonder what purposes God has for certain situations and/or problems in our lives.

"When walking in a fog the normal clues that orient us are gone. We look for some sign to show us the way, but none appear. Heaven seems silent. We search for meaning in life, but the fog hides it. We plead, "God, why don't you do something?" Our feelings tell us that God must be somewhere else or he doesn't care. The mind, grounded in the Scripture, fires back, "Not true." God has promised to never, not ever, leave us. And so the feelings and the mind thrash about, each submitting evidence for its position.

Sooner or later, often later, the fog slowly lifts. Things begin to make sense. Understanding replaces confusion. Confidence replaces doubt. Belonging replaces a sense of abandonment. Hope returns. God was there all along, working actively, not only on your behalf but in ways that enrich the many other servants he loves. The fog obscures his presence and his purposes, but when it finally clears, we realize that God has kept all his promises to us (see Josh. 21:45). And on those occasions when his people go to the grave with pieces of their past still shrouded in fog, he remains the loving, faithful God worthy of their trust even though the fog never lifted. While not desired, walking in mystery shouldn't be feared; God, though not visible or audible, walks by our side, and the walk is always worthwhile for the patient, faithful servant."

Duane Elmer in Cross-Cultural Servanthood-Serving the World in Christlike Humility, pg 185

It was so encouraging to me to read these words as I considered the mystery that Miguel and I are living with now in regards to our ministry. All we've ever wanted to do was work in tribal ministry in Venezuela...and yet eight months after we arrived in Venezuela back in 2005, the government there basically shut down tribal missions as we knew it and greatly limited tribal ministry opportunities for us. After an exhausting couple of years in limbo, many moves, and attempting to minister to the Yuana people from a near-by town, we returned to the U.S. for a family reunion and for the birth of our fourth child. Once stateside, I quickly realized that I was not in good shape to return to our ministry in Venezuela, or to any ministry, for that matter. I needed time to recuperate my strength, recover from the stress of our time in Venezuela and the depression that plagued me, and work on some weak areas of my life. Miguel and I also needed to work on our marriage, which had been severely strained during that time. God worked tremendously in our lives during that time and I'm ever so grateful for it.

After taking nearly a year and a half of combination medical leave/transition time, we arrived in Mexico to 'get back to work', although not in the ministry of our choice and not really knowing how long we would be here. We would love to return to work in Venezuela, when and if the political situation changes there, but so far that hasn't happened. As we begin our second year of ministry here in Mexico, we have had renewed discussions about ministry once again that haven't always gone as smoothly as we'd hoped. It's hard to live in mystery, not really knowing why we are here instead of there, how long we will be in mystery, and what the purpose is behind all that's happened in Venezuela. We grieve as we remember our Yuana brothers and sisters in Christ that we left behind, even though we knew them but a short time. We grieve the loss of what could have been an exciting, fulfilling ministry among the Yuana and it is so hard to understand why things happened the way they did. It's hard to understand why God would allow me to go through such a difficult time personally in the last few years...although at times I do catch glimpses the work God is doing as He strengthens me in His truth and love through the struggles.

I don't know when this mystery will be revealed or when the fog will lift...I long for the day when we know what our ministry will be and can finally move forward with a purpose and a plan. I think both Miguel and I long for things to make sense and for a true sense of belonging. In the meantime, however, it is reassuring to hear that walking in mystery is not something to be feared and that the walk with God at my side will be worthwhile as I remain His patient, faithful servant.

*Cross-Cultural Servanthood by Duane Elmer...I am also looking forward to reading the companion books of Cross-Cultural Conflict and Cross-Cultural Connections.

A New Book

I'm so excited! I had been told that we had some packages in the mailroom, so I brought them home yesterday. I can't open one of them because it apparently contains a Christmas present that Miguel ordered for me...another one was a computer cooling stand that we ordered for our laptop (it's overheating and shutting itself down...not good)...the 3rd package is a book that I'm not sure we ordered so I don't want to open it...but the last one was an order of books and DVDs that Miguel had ordered which included a New Book for me. :)

Every since taking the grief class in April of this year, I've wanted to read Recovering from Losses in Life by H. Norman Wright. And now I finally have the chance because I have my very own copy!

Here's what's on the back cover:

You can make it through

Life is marked by Losses. Some are life changing, such as leaving home, the effects of natural disaster or war, the death of a loved one, or divorce. Others are subtle, like changing jobs, moving, or a broken friendship. But whether you encounter family, personal, or community disaster, there is always potential for change, growth, and new insight.

Writing from his own experience and expertise, certified trauma expert and best-selling author H. Norman Wright shows you how to work through loss and come out a stronger person on the other side. He tackles tough issues such as the meaning of grief, blaming God, and learning how to express yourself and share your pain in times of loss.

Whether you've gone through a treat tragedy or are just trying to deal with the small sorrow in life, this book can help you resist the pull toward despair and start on the road back to joy.

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H. Norman Wright is a certified trauma specialist, a licensed marriage and family therapist, the founder and director of Christian Marriage Enrichment, and the author of more than sixty books. He and his wife, Joyce, life in California.

Just Walk With Me

During our "home assignment" time last year, I attended as many classes and Bible studies offered through our church as I could since I really needed to recharge and renew. One of the classes I took was called "Interrupted Expectations" and really was a life-changing event for me. I experienced a lot of healing there and was introduced to the whole concept of grieving the losses of life. The class was based on the book Recovering from the Losses in Life by H. Norman Wright. Since then, I've been reading materials about the subject in the hopes that God will use me to encourage others. I don't think I have much experience yet or am even very good at it, but I continue to learn and pray that God will give me wisdom. The following is from the book Walking With Those Who Weep-A Guide to Grief Support by Don and Ron Williams. It's not extremely eloquent, but spoke to my heart.

Just Walk With Me

I have a problem. I want to tell you about it. No, I really don't. I'd rather keep it to myself; handle it alone. I do think it would be good for me to share it with you, though. I don't want to because I'm afraid of what you'll say or how you'll act.

I'm afraid you might feel sorry for me in a way that makes me feel pathetic-like I'm some 'poor thing'.

I'm afraid you'll try to cheer me up. That you will give me words, or texts or prayers that tell me in a subtle way to stop feeling bad. If you do that I'll feel worse (but hide it behind my obedient cheerful smile). I'll feel you don't understand. I'll feel you are making light of my problem (as if it can be brushed away with some brief words of cheer).

I'm afraid you'll give me an answer. That this problem that I've been wrestling with for some time now and about which I have thought endless thoughts will be belittled. You can answer in a half-minute what I've struggled with for weeks?

I'm afraid also you might ignore my problem; talk quickly about other things, tell me of your own.

I'm afraid too you might see me stronger than I am. Not needing you to listen and care. (It's true, I can get along alone, but I shouldn't have to).

What I'd really like is if you would "just walk with me." Listen as I begin in some blundering, clumsy way to break through my fearfulness of being exposed as weak. Hold my hand and pull me gently as I falter and begin to draw back. Say a word, make a motion, or a sound that says, "I'm with you." If you've been where I am tell me how you felt in a way that I can know you're trying to walk with me-not change me.

But I'm afraid...

You'll think I'm too weak to deserve respect and responsibility...

You'll explain what's happening to me with labels and interpretation...Or you'll ask me, "What'ya going to do about it?"

PLEASE, just walk with me. All those other things seem so much brighter and sharper, and expert. But what really takes love is to 'Just Walk with Me.'

I'm sure, what I want is people who have a Shepherd as their model. People who in their own way bring to others an experience of: "The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want...Yes, even when I walk through the valley, You're with me (walking with me)."