Drained...

Today I feel totally and completely drained and empty...really struggling to be that happy-go-lucky Becky that I usually am...no energy, no ánimo, no get-up-and-go...I'm not sure exactly what triggers it (although we've been quite busy lately...) and I'm not sure if it's physical, emotional, mental, spiritual or a mix of all those things. I have long struggled with depression and this seems to be what it looks like.

So I'm fighting back by putting into practice the things I've learned...up my time in the Word, take it easy, don't expect wonders or miracles out of myself, go to bed early, crack down on the negative thoughts/emotions/self-talk, focus on the positive, take naps, don't start any big projects, remember that "this, too shall pass", do something fun, spend time with the kids...don't know that I feel like I'm making headway, but you know, I'm learning to not pay so much attention to how I feel and just continue doing what I know to be good and healthy. This cycle of feelings will pass and things will get better...eventually!

On a positive note, one encouraging thing is that I do seem to be making some progress in the area of my fingernails! I took the fake nails off a few days ago to see how it would go and while my natural nails are still quite short, they are growing! I was getting quite frustrated with the acrylic nails anyway...I kept having to replace them because my busy mom/housewife lifestyle is just too hard on those things! I keep finding lost fingernails in odd places...

Micah's Pumpkin

Micah's pumpkin vine has grown just one pumpkin so far,

but it must have put all of it's energy into it because

it's huge!!! :)

Here's the proud papa...

Those are raspberry plants all around it;

not doing so badly either!

Birthday Boy Update

Jkaile's fishy cake...he loved it!

I was thrilled to find some Nerds at the little

local neighborhood store to use for the 'rocks'.

Jkaile with his cake and presents...

Making a fishy face!

He loved the Winnie the Pooh plate!

Smile for the camera!

Jkaile blowing out the candles on his cake...

Creative Moments

I've had a couple of creative moments recently...I haven't done much painting lately, so these were fun to do!

A couple of weeks ago I needed a gift bag for a friend and all I could find were several plain brown bags. I got to thinking about how to decorate it and realized the bag would be fairly easy to paint. I took my inspiration from these really cute Thank You cards a friend recently sent me (you know who you are! Thanks!) and although I didn't copy it exactly, the end result was very pretty.

The finished product...I used brown packing paper for the "gift wrap".

And then today, Miguel brought home some things from another family that's moving, including a frameless rectangular mirror. I got to thinking about what to do about the mirror and remembered that I had an old watercolor picture in a wooden frame that I thought about about the right size. It turned out that the mirror was just a tad bit too small and looked funny with spaces top and bottom. As with many of my projects, they evolve as I go along...I decided to use the matting from the picture in front of the mirror and it looked really good. Except it needed some color! That's when I decided to paint the matting...I love circles! Not sure why I love circles so much, but I had fun painting it while talking to my MIL who was in the kitchen making a cake...and I really like the way it turned out! (talking about the mirror, not the cake, although the cake was tasty...) With the lighting and my little camera, it was hard to get a good picture that truly represents the colors...this first one makes the reds look darker than they are.

Self-portrait...

Birthday Boy!

Today is Jkaile's birthday, the big TWO! We'll be having the actual birthday celebration on Friday since today turned out to be not so convenient for a party, but in honor of Jkaile, I am posting some pictures today. Jkaile was such a beautiful baby and has been a delightful addition to our family. Happy Birthday, Baby Boy!

Jkaile at two weeks

He loved to snuggle...kinda hard to get him

to slow down now, though! :)

Smiley baby!

Family picture, October 2007

Such a cutie!

Jkaile's into sticking his tongue out for pictures these days...

What a character!

Worry

This morning I was flipping through an old Discipleship Journal and came across an article about worry. These particular statements were pretty thought-provoking for me today...

"Anxiety is most often sparked by unbelief or doubt in God's character. When we worry, we've unthinkingly questioned His wisdom (that He knows what is best), His love and goodness (that He cares for us and wants what is best), and His sovereignty (that He is able to do what is best). Worry reveals not only our distrustful thoughts about God but also an unrealistic view of ourselves: that we are responsible for other people's happiness (our spouse, children, parents, boss, friends); that we can determine better than God what we or others need."

Excerpt taken from Warding off Worry by Stacey S. Padrick Discipleship Journal Issue 118 July/Aug 2000

Life, Disrupted

A good way to describe the last week or so is just that, "disrupted"! Yes, Miguel did get home and yes, MIL and BIL arrived with him. It was a long, long trip for them and Miguel has been fighting a cold/throat infection since arriving. MIL Delia and BIL José David, aka JD (or Lali, because when Jojo was little that's what he took to calling JD) are having a wonderful visit so far. The kids are enjoying the extra attention from Abuelita and playing with JD. I had forgotten how much Delia likes to clean and work around the house...I think I try to avoid housework as much as possible or something whereas Delia is always looking for something to do! But I certainly do appreciate all of her help around the house, although Miguel has been getting on to her for working so much...he says she's here to spend time with the grandkids and not to work. LOL! It has not been a burden to have the company, it's just that it disrupts my usual schedule and I'm way behind on my computer time!

Yesterday we packed up and came up to El Paso for two nights to renew our visas and do some shopping. It was a good trip, although it was incredibly HOT (think over 100 degrees!)...and we had no trouble at the border. We were even entertained by some really cute little prairie dogs while were waiting in line to cross over to the U.S. They were begging for food at the side of the road! We didn't have anything to give them, but we scrounged some muffin crumbs from Jkaile's carseat to throw out and sure enough, one of them came scampering over to pick them up! So, so cute...Miguel tried to snap some pictures, but I don't think he was successful. Those little guys are fast! We didn't have to wait long, but the prairie dogs helped distract the kids from the wait and the heat, so that was good. We are very thankful that the air conditioner in the van is working well, but it wasn't having much luck combatting that heat while we were stationary...

Delia and JD had to stay in Chihuahua while we're here because they do not have papers to enter the U.S. But they are holding the fort and taking care of all the chores there...feeding dogs, birds, fish...and who knows, maybe it's a welcome break from a chaotic, kid-filled house! :)

Today Miguel and I are tag-teaming the shopping...he went out by himself this morning to get some things done while I stayed here in the guesthouse with the kids and then I'll go out later while he takes care of the kids. And hopefully we'll be able to get everything on our list and be ready to go home tomorrow.

High Hopes

I really had high hopes for the time that Miguel was gone...I had hoped to get some extra housework done, like put away the small mountain of winter clothes piled on the top bunk in Gracia's room, clean out closets, reorganize some of my kitchen cabinets, etc.

Yeah, right!

It's now Thursday, Miguel comes home on Sunday, and I'll be doing good to have made up the beds for his Mom and brother! It has taken all of my energy just to take care of the kids and keep up with the dishes and a little bit of laundry...I have a renewed respect for all single Moms!!! Hat's off to you!

This week the three older kids have been attending VBS at our church, giving me some "free" time in the mornings...I say "free" because I still have Jkaile, but being down to just one kid from four frees me up quite a bit! :D On Monday I made a Walmart trip. Walmarts here aren't really quite like the Walmarts back stateside, but still a pretty good shopping experience. I enjoyed pushing the cart around the store and perusing the shelves a little more slowly than usual while Jkaile enjoyed a cinnamon roll from the bakery. Actually, Miguel has been doing most of the shopping for us lately, so even just going to the store is fun for me!

Anyway, I popped into the makeup/jewelry/sunglasses section to look for a strap for Micah's new glasses (didn't find any) and found myself looking at the fake fingernail section. I have to admit that I'm a nailbiter...can't remember a time when I haven't bitten my nails. :( I recently came across this picture and had to laugh...

Yep! That's me down there in the front, chewing on that fingernail for all I'm worth! My parents tried everything from bribery to punishment...nothing ever worked. The only times I've ever been able to grow my nails out is when I have been pregnant or used fake fingernails. But then I always start biting them again. I have been noticing that the habit has been getting worse lately (if that's even possible!) and I decided that maybe I need to be a bit more proactive about it. I'm not pregnant, so I decided to go the acrylic route and bought myself a bunch of fake nails.

So I get them home and then realize that I have no suitable fingernail polish! So I called a friend and she said she'd loan me some. Good, okay, so I am a complete novice at putting on nails or doing anything of the sort, so it was a bit awkward getting them on...I finally got the first hand done and the nails clipped quite short because I'm not used to long fingernails. I was halfway done with the second hand, when I looked over and to my horror noticed that Jkaile was jumping happily on the couch in a state of undress (we've been potty training) with a poopy derriere!!!! Oh my goodness! So there I was, cleaning him up with those long nails on my right hand (hadn't trimmed those yet) and I just about decided that long fingernails are not for me!

But, I got the mess cleaned up and got back to work on my nails...by that time, I had to rush to get ready to go pick the kids up from VBS and it was embarrassing to show up with white nails (I picked up the nail polish on the way home). And then one fell off. groan. I'm happy to say, though, that despite the rough start, I'm beginning to like them! I don't think I have particularly pretty hands anyway, I inherited my dad's short, rather stubby fingers, and having long nails seems to make them more feminine. I think I like that. And if you've known me long at all, you will know I'm not exactly the epitome of femininity (my goodness, is that the right word? looks funny, but sounds cool).

So when Miguel gets back, probably all I'll have to show for my time will be pretty fingernails and children that survived his time away! Oh well...I've about convinced myself that maybe it would be better to tackle those cleaning projects with Miguel's Mom to help me anyway...

Flying Solo

Well, Miguel is off 'gallivanting' around Venezuela while I stay home and 'hold down the fort'. It's not my favorite thing, to be left at home, but honestly I'd rather be doing that than actually traveling with Miguel! I still feel like I haven't recovered my energy and stamina after moving and traveling so much during the last few years and I'm quite happy to stay home this time, thank you.

But when Miguel is gone, it becomes really obvious to me how much he does for me around the house and with the kids! A case of absence makes the heart grow fonder?! :) He often washes dishes...he sweeps the kitchen/dining room/living room (all sort of one big area) several times a day...he helps me with the never-ending task of laundry...and he helps corral the kids...and MORE! I really can't complain that he is not involved in our lives! So, here I am, missing him; flying solo while waiting for his return...which is scheduled for July 5th. Not really that far off, but seems like a long time to me!

His purpose in going to Venezuela is to visit family/friends and deal with his bank account there. While the account isn't exactly frozen, he is not being allowed to do anything with the money in it except in person. Kinda hard to accomplish when one does not actually live there! But it's a good time for him to travel and he's excited that he will be able to see his entire family and bring his Mom, Delia, and little brother, José David (now 16), back for a visit (Lord willing!).

The plan at this point is for Delia to stay with us for about a month, but to try to keep José David with us long-term, if it is possible paperwork-wise, etc. JD, as we like to call him, lived with us for a year there in Venezuela when he was younger and we see him as being a part of our family. Because of the circumstances at that time, it wasn't possible for us to take him back to the U.S. with us, but now that Miguel has his U.S. citizenship, he can apply for JD's U.S. paperwork...all very exciting stuff! :D

There will be significant challenges for both us and him as we adjust to adding another member to the family and having a teenager in the house (suggestions, anyone?!). JD will also need to adjust to different ways of doing things, our expectations and boundaries are quite different than what he's been used to! And he will need to brush up on his English, although he already does well, he's not been using it on a daily basis like he will here.

José David

The biggest challenge for me while Miguel is gone is caring for the kids...seems like things can go from calm to chaotic in a heartbeat! :( We got out of our routine there for a couple of days and it seems like everyone's behavior has gotten a bit out of control as well...so I've been working to "reclaim the house" (as a friend put it so aptly) and hopefully by tomorrow, things will be going much more smoothly. Next week is VBS at our church, which will help us pass the time as well...

And you'd think after having other kids, I'd remember how challenging it is to have a two year old! Well, almost two, his birthday is coming up next month...but no, I seem to have forgotten...Jkaile oh so cheerfully goes from making one disaster to another, getting into the cabinets, my make-up, unrolling toilet paper, flinging toys here and there, breaking things, playing in the toilet (and using a cup to pour toilet water around the bathroom!)...this last week, he discovered how to carry the stool around to different places and reach the unreachable...just look at the expression on his face when I caught him at the counter this time!

Odds and Ends

Check out this post for a few pictures of what I did yesterday evening with my friend Carrie! It was fun...in spite of having to drive in some pretty crazy traffic. Apparently I'm adjusting to driving like a local because I did some pretty interesting manouvers...LOL! I haven't been able to get out of the house much lately, so I really did enjoy our time.

This morning Miguel found a half-grown parakeet fluttering around in the yard and saved it from getting eaten by our black lab, Cora! We don't know where it came from because it can barely fly, but we put it in the cage with our other two parakeets where it promptly parked itself in the food container and ate for a looooong time...poor thing. Seems to be adjusting well to his new home, though...

Shilo over at My Place of Peace and her family arrived in Paraguay today after a very long trip including an unplanned overnight layover in Brazil. I am excited for them as they move into their new house and begin their new ministry at the MK school there in Paraguay!

In other news, Miguel is finalizing the plans for his upcoming trip to Venezuela! He is planning to fly to Venezuela on June 24th and return on July 4th...he would have liked to stay longer, but he doesn't want to leave me here with the kids alone for very long, bless him! :D It wasn't possible $-wise for the whole family to go this year, but maybe another time. The plan is to bring his mom and little brother for a visit. Delia (my MIL) will be returning to Venezuela in August, but we're hoping that it will work out for José David (little brother, age 16) to stay and live with us. Now that Miguel is a U.S. citizen, he can apply for JD's U.S. paperwork so that he can truly become part of our family and travel with us wherever we go. We are really looking forward to their visit...none of Miguel's family has met Jkaile yet!

Recently, Micah was moved to make a donation to this ministry in Paraguay so that five year old Rodrigo could get a soccer ball...we were happy to advance Micah this money because we're so proud that he would show this kind of compassion and generosity. He had originally wanted to just give Rodrigo one of our soccer balls, but it's kind of hard to get it from here to there, thus the donation route...anyway, so Micah has been working to earn money to pay us back. This morning he is "babysitting" Jkaile for me...and sure enough, there was even a poopy diaper to change! :o LOL!